Naruto and Sakura: The Prank Calling Team
by MistyxKisame
Summary: Sakura is bored one afternoon and so Naruto suggests she and him prank call people. Soon it turns into a thing. Does not contain NaruSaku (although it is onesided on Naruto's part). Somewhat OOC for some characters.
1. Shikamaru, Ranpha, Gai

"I'm so freakin' bored…" Sakura groaned as she sat on her front porch. Suddenly Naruto was walking down the street when he spotted Sakura. He instantly zoomed over and greeted her.

"Hey Sakura-chan! What's up?"

"I'm bored…" she sighed. "I'm up for anything right now…"

"Really? How about…prank calls?" he said giggling as he rubbed together his hands.

"Sure. Why the heck not…" she stood up.

"Wait, what?" He looked surprised. He half expected Sakura to either punch him and tell him that he was a moron.

"I could do with a laugh. Let's do it at your place. My mom's home and I don't want her to hear."

"Sure! Let's go!" Naruto felt like today was his lucky day. Sakura was actually willing to prank someone with him! He felt the luckiest guy in the world right now. Once they got to his apartment, the blonde ninja made sure that his phone number was set to private.

"Who do you wanna call first?" asked Sakura.

"Hm…how about…Shikamaru?" said Naruto with a mischievous look in his eyes.

"What do you have in mind?"

"You'll see. Heehee…" Naruto made a couple of hand signs before turning into Choji. Sakura wondered what Naruto was doing looking like Choji, but decided to sit and listen. Naruto dialed Shikamaru's number.

"Hello?" It was Mrs. Nara.

"Can I speak to Shikamaru? It's really important."

"Oh sure!" The two teenagers could hear her calling her son in the background. A few moments later, he answered the phone.

"Hey Choji. What's up?"

"S-shikamaru…I…I have something to tell you…" Naruto said in a shy and nervous tone, making the pink haired ninja raise a brow.

"What? Is something wrong?"

"I…I…I…I love you."

Shikamaru went silent. Naruto waited a few more seconds and the ninja still didn't say anything. Sakura poked Naruto and asked if he had hung up. Naruto wasn't really sure so he said, "Shikamaru? Are you still there?"

"Y-yeah…I'm still here…"

"I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have said anything…I'm so sorry, but I can't help it! I've been feeling this way for a very long time and I felt like I was about to burst! I love everything about you! I love the innocent little ways you touch me, the way you laze around, your lady legs, that monotone voice of your's and…and…THAT JUICY ASS!"

Sakura covered up her mouth to keep from laughing.

"That ass of yours is too good to resist! Dreamin' of that booty of yours really gets me goin'…all I wanna do is to man handle that booty all day long! Your booty is love! Your booty is life! I worship that booty of yours every night!" Naruto and Sakura giggled as they looked at each other, wishing they could see what Shikamaru's facial expression was. "I'd write poems about that booty if poetry wasn't lame...I hope you feel this way about me too. The love part, not the butt part. A-anyway...bye..."

After hanging up the phone and Naruto turned back into himself, both of them started laughing like manics. Suddenly Sakura got an idea. "Call him again. I've got an idea too!"

Sakura turned into Temari while Naruto called Shikamaru once more. Shikamaru had picked up the phone again. "H-hello?"

"Hey, Shikamaru."

"Oh, it's you...I mean what a drag..." Shikamaru sounded relieved. "Do you want something?"

"Yes. I just called to say that I'm in love with you."

"Huh!?"

"Yeah, I know it's a huge shock, but its true! I really really like you Shikamaru. How about we go out or something this weekend and give it a try."

"I…uh…I don't..."

"Look I gotta go…uh…"

"Shave my legs!" Naruto whispered into Sakura's ear.

"…Shave my legs!" Sakura hung up the phone.

"Who next?"

"How about someone we don't know? Let's call the BBQ place."

"Yes!" Naruto dialed their number.

"Hello! This is Ranpha! How may I help you?"

"I'm looking for my granddaughter and she said she was coming here. Could you find her and ask her to pick some milk up for me?" Naruto said in an old man voice.

"Sure sir. What's your granddaughter's name?"

"Uh…Maya Dick Hertz."

"Maya Dick Hertz…is that right?" she didn't sound suspicious at all about the name which made Sakura and Naruto laugh. "MAYA DICK-HERTZ! MAYA DICK-HERTZ! MAYA DICK-HERTZ! DOES ANYBODY KNOW ANY DICK-HERTZ? MAYA DICK HERTZ!"

The two teens were trying so hard not to laugh that their faces were turning bright red. On the phone, they heard laughter and heard the lady say, "What's so funny?"

Someone must have told her she was being pranked because she said, "Who is this?!"

Naruto quickly hung up the phone and laughed with his teammate. Sakura wiped a tear from her eye. "Man, that was funny, but I kinda feel bad for her."

"Yeah. I hope she doesn't lose her job."

"Yeah…let's call Kakashi!"

"You got something in mind?"

"Yep! I can't believe I'm saying this, but you might wanna use that sexy jutsu thing."

"REALLY?!" First wanting to prank call with him and now she wanted him to use his sexy no jutsu? This really was his luckiest day ever!

While Naruto turned into Naruko, Sakura called their sensei. Instead of getting Kakashi, they got Might Gai. "Hatake residence."

"It's Gai!"

"What's he doing there?"

"Don't know, but follow my lead." Sakura then began to speak in a valley girl accent. "Yeah, hello. This is, like, Ariel and Barbie, from, like, last night."

"Uh…last night?"

"Yeah! Geez! Is your memory, like, tots bad or something, Kashi?" said Naruko.

"Well this his friend Gai. Uh…I can leave a message for him."

"Well, like my friend said before, this is Ariel and Barbie. You know, the prostitutes from last night?" said the blonde ninja grinning.

"PROSTITUTES?!" then Gai mumbled. "How unyouthful and…degrading! Maybe they mean a different Kakashi!" he then said out loud. "What does this Kakashi look like?"

"Ugly spiky gray hair, masked face with one, like, eye out…"

"…small dick, no ass…" Naruko giggled.

"…listen, we've got, like, only a little time left so here's, like, our message…"

"We're pregnant again with his kids and he needs to babysit them the other kids we had by him tomorrow so we can go to the hospital to see the sex of the babies." finished the other ninja.

"WHAT?!"

Sakura hung up the phone. "Do you think he believed us?"

"It sounded that way." Sakura said smirking. "That was fun!"

"Yeah it was! Let's do it again tomorrow!" suggested Naruto.

"Why the hell not?" she smiled. "Well I've gotta go home now. It's almost time for dinner."

"I'll walk you home!" Naruto said following her.

As the two walked home, they saw Choji and Ino walking from the movies. Once they saw them, Ino waved at them. "Sakura! Naruto!"

"What's up?" asked Naruto trying to keep a straight face. Choji had reminded him of their prank call.

"Have you guys seen Shikamaru?"

"We were all supposed to go see a movie and he never showed up." explained Choji.

"Nope. Haven't seen him." Sakura said quickly as she noticed that Naruto was coughing violently into his hand.

"Oh. Well I guess we'll have to go see him then." Ino sighed.

"He's probably hiding from Choji." Sakura said after the two ninjas had walked away.

"Well he can't hide forever." Naruto gave Sakura a mischievous look. "You know, we could spy on them tomorrow and see how awkward it gets."

"We'll see. Night, Naruto!" Sakura went inside of her house while Naruto waved at her. After she had gone in, he celebrated. He had gone on a date with Sakura! Well it wasn't really a date, but it might as well have been! And tomorrow she would go on one with him too! This was the best day ever!


	2. Pakkun, Jiraiya, Shizune, Hiashi

"You ready, Sakura-chan?" Naruto giggled.

"Yes! Now who are we gonna call today?" she smirked.

"Let's call Kakashi again. He wasn't home last time." said Naruto as he turned into Naruko.

"Yeah, but I still can't help but to wonder why Gai was at his house. Kakashi's place doesn't necessarily doesn't need to be protected, does it?"

"Not really. He has ninja dogs for that. SH! Someone's answering…"

"Hello?"

"Oh shoot, it's just Pakkun."

"HELLO?!" Pakkun spoke a little louder.

"U-Uh...it's like Barbie."

"Barbie? Like the doll?"

"Yeah! Totally!" said Naruto. "Oh yeah and Ariel too!"

"Uh…okay…are you looking for Hatake Kakashi?"

"Totally!" said Sakura.

"He's not here right now, but I'll take a message."

"Well tell him we said it's a **girl** and a **boy**." The blonde ninja said trying not to laugh.

Pakkun was quiet for a few minutes before he said, "What?"

Sakura repeated what Naruto said. The dog didn't say anything for one minute. "Uh…heeelloooo?"

"What kind of dogs are they?"

"We're talking about _babies_, dummy!"

"**BABIES**?! WHAT THE…**_ARE THEY HIS_**?!" once Naruto confirmed this, Pakkun screamed like an ape, scaring the two ninjas and it sounded like he fell off of something, because there was a thump and a loud crash.

"Oh no…did we kill him!?" Sakura panicked a little. Kakashi must have had the phone placed up somewhere high up from the floor and so Pakkun, being so small, had to climb up somewhere to get up to it.

"P-Pakkun?" Naruto said scared. Kakashi was going to kill him if the small dog had been injured or worse…killed. "PAKKUN!"

"WHEN ARE THEY COMING!? WHEN?! _WHEN_?!" Pakkun screamed from somewhere below.

"Arf! Arf! Woof woof!" Sakura and Naruto heard some dogs barking from somewhere in the room.

"GET AWAY FROM ME! DON'T YOU SEE ME ON THE…OW! OW! MY…LEG! GET OFF ME! PUT ME DOWN, DANG IT!"

Naruto quickly hung up the phone. "Well that went bad."

"We should go check up on him." The pink haired teen said feeling bad for pranking the dog and causing his injury.

"From the sounds of it, Kakashi's other dogs must have dragged him away to Kiba's house."

"How do you know?"

"Because Kiba told me whenever a dog gets hurt or sick they go to Kiba's mom or sister."

"Oh…well let's go there really quick and apologize."

"APOLOGIZE?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT KAKASHI WILL DO TO US IF HE FOUND OUT ABOUT OUR PRANK CALL?! SOMETHING NASTY! HE'LL _PROBABLY_ MAKE US SHAVE HIS BACK OR SOMETHING!"

Although that was highly unlikely Kakashi would do that, she was afraid of what that he would connect the _first_ call to the one they made and tell **Tsunade**. She nodded. "Well, let's just go there anyway, but we'll pretend like we're there to see Kiba."

Naruto really wanted to prank call some more people, but in order to avoid Sakura leaving and not wanting to hang out with him ever again, went along with her. Once they had gotten to Kiba's house, sure enough Kiba's sister, Hana, was patching up the small dog that was making quite a fuss.

"Hold still!" She sighed as the dog wiggled around and tried to bite her. "I can't help you if…"

"I DON'T WAN T YOUR STINKIN' HELP! I HAVE TO PROTECT MY STUFF FROM THOSE LITTLE…OWWW!" Pakkun turned and bit her.

"OW!" She pinched his nose. When she looked up she saw Sakura and Naruto walking up. "Oh hello. You must be Kiba's friends. He's in his room."

"Okay thanks…" she looked down at the dog who was still biting the older woman's arm. "Uh…is he okay?"

"No." she sighed still holding his nose. "He apparently hurt his hind leg and arm when he heard that Kakashi was the father of a boy and a girl. Is that true?"

"No way! What makes you ask that?! Ahahahahahaha!" Naruto laughed like a manic.

"Well Pakkun said…" Suddenly she screamed. He was now drawing blood and his teeth were a little deeper in her skin. "OOOOOOOOOW! MOM! KIBA! GET ME A FREAKIN' SEDATIVE OR SOMETHING!"

"Pakkun, don't be mad at Kiba's sister!"

"Yeah! She's not the one bringing home babies!"

"Must…get home!" Pakkun had finally let go and was trying to crawl home, only to feel nothing but pain as he tried crawling away.

"P-pakkun-kun! Let us help you back home!" she elbowed Naruto and whispered. "Right, Naruto?!"

"What? Oh right!" he tried to carefully pick up the dog only for the dog to bite him. "OW! H-HE BIT ME!"

Sakura quickly caught the dog. "Poor thing. Give me your jacket, Naruto."

"FINE." He handed over his jacket and his team mate wrapped the growling dog inside of it. Kiba came out and gave his sister a sedative. After the dog fell asleep, she quickly worked on his injuries.

"'Sup Naruto. You here for Pakkun?" Kiba said as they walked away from where Hana was working on Pakkun.

"Uh…"

"Y-yeah!" Sakura interrupted Naruto. "K-kakashi's other dogs lead us up here, right Naruto!?"

"Yeah! They did! We just came to take him home!"

"That's good." He looked down at his watch. "Crap! I'm gonna be late. See ya later, Naruto! You too Sakura!"

Kiba took off while Naruto and Sakura went back over to Hana. She had finished his bandages and gave him to Sakura. "He should wake up in a few hours. Poor thing…could you take him to Kakashi, please? I would but I've got another sick dog to attend to."

"Yeah, sure." she grabbed the tiny dog. As soon as they left the yard, Sakura sighed. "Why did he have to fall?"

"Who knew he would react so badly?" said Naruto shaking his head.

"We have to…"

"NO! IF WE TELL HIM HE'LL TELL KAKASHI AND HE'LL…"

"Make us shave his back…yeah I know! We'll just have to be extra careful from now on. I'll just leave him with my parents. Dad loves dogs and mom is out of town this weekend, so he'll be okay."

"You mean you still wanna…"

"Of course, but we have to be **_extremely careful_** from now on…"

They walked in silence for a while until Sakura stopped suddenly. Naruto looked back at her confused. "What Sakura? Is something wrong?"

"There's Shikamaru!"

"Where?" She grabbed his collar, pulled him into an alley, and pointed. Shikamaru was awkwardly staning with Choji, Ino, and Asuma, who were all talking except him. He looked uncomfortable and a bit worried. The two ninjas looked at each other and grinned. "Wanna go check it out?"

She nodded, smirking. After quickly dropping off Pakkun to Sakura's house and grabbing something to disguise themselves with (aka Sakura wearing her mother's clothes make up and a white sun hat while Naruto wore something of Sakura's father, a fake mustache, and a pink sunhat, and a scarf), the two quickly caught up with the team, but stayed out of site. A few minutes later, they went inside of the movie theater and of course Naruto and Sakura followed behind them. Shikamaru snuck inside of the movie as the others grabbed some snacks. Sakura snuck behind him, so she could get a perfect, front row seat to the drama that may or may not go down. A few minutes later, Team Asuma came along and sat down and Naruto was right on their tails with popcorn and drinks. Neither looked much at the movie, but they were intensely studying the people in front of them. Shikamaru was sitting awkwardly at the end of the row beside his best friend and playing with his hands. Choji, oblivious to his friend's uncomfortness, was happily watching the movie.

15 minutes later, Shikamaru touched Choji's hand which was resting on the chair's arm rest. He moved his hand for a minute to eat some popcorn, but placed it back absentmindedly. Shikamaru was sweating buckets. "Is he gonna make a move?" Naruto whispered as low as he could to Sakura.

"I don't know, but it sure looks like it." she whispered back.

16 minutes later, Shikamaru looked down and placed his hand back on top of Choji's hand and squeezed it just as a jump scare appeared in the movie, but Sakura and Naruto knew he wasn't doing it because of the tiny scare on the screen. Both of them were thinking the same thing. Did he _like_ **_like_** Choji? It seemed so. The larger teen didn't seem to either mind or didn't notice his friend's hand as he neither looked at his friend nor moved his own hand.

Shikamaru sighed and said in a tiny voice, "Choji?"

"Huh?"

"I…I…uh…I really…uh…like being here with you…"

"Uh huh…that's cool." Choji ate some more popcorn.

"I…I gotta tell you something…"

"Hm?"

"I…I…" here Sakura and Naruto leaned a little closer. "I…I have to use the bathroom…"

"What?" He looked at him as if he were crazy while Sakura and Naruto nearly fell over. "Go then. I'll tell you what you missed."

He nodded and awkwardly left. Sakura and Naruto sighed. After he left, Sakura poked her teammate. "Follow him!"

"On it!" The blonde ninja quickly took after him. Instead of leaving the theater and rethinking things over, he went to the bathroom. Naruto managed to sneak inside a stall, listening to the ninja ramble to himself.

"Come on, Nara! You **have** to tell him…be a man!" he mumbled to himself as he washed his hands. "You can do this! It's not that hard. He told you and now you tell him! You are not shy and have never been shy! YOU CAN DO IT!"

Shikamaru looked a little more confident in himself and literally ran out of the bathroom. Naruto quickly followed behind and sat back down next to Sakura. "He's gonna do it!"

"Well he looks it."

Fortunately, he did do it, but in a completely different way. He kissed Choji on the mouth, causing said ninja to jump and look at his best friend as if he were crazy. "WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT FOR!?"

"You _wanted_ it didn't you?" the teenager said looking quite sure of himself as he poked out his chest in a manly way. Choji, however, glared at him angrily.

"NO! What the heck made you think that, moron?!" Choji fumed at his best (and maybe now former) best friend.

"You called me and said…" Shikamaru then told him everything Choji had said to him over the phone and when I say everything, I mean everything! Choji just sat there looking disgusted while Ino and Asuma were looking uncomfortable. How was it even possible to admire someone's butt when they had none?

"Uh…Choji was on a mission with me yesterday…" said Asuma.

"W-what?!" instead of looking confident, he looked like a trapped rat that was blushing bright red. "Are you sure?"

Asuma nodded. Shikamaru had never looked so embarrassed in his life. "I-I…b-but you…it sounded j-just like…" he stammered. The look on his face was absolutely priceless. Naruto and Sakura giggled, not even bothering to hide it. Shikamaru turned around, looking furious.

"Shut the fuck up! It's not funny! DOES THIS HILARIOUS TO YOU CLOWNS!?" He yelled at the two ninjas making everyone look at them. "By the way, you two fuckers better stop following me the fuck around. ESPECIALLY YOU!" Here he pointed at Naruto.

The two panicked, thinking he knew who they were, but luckily he didn't. "I don't know who the fuck you are, but leave me the hell ALONE!" He stood up and left. Asuma apologized to the ninjas and quickly went after Shikamaru. Ino looked at Choji, looked as if she was about to say something, but then closed her mouth and continued to watch the movie with him. Meanwhile, Sakura and Naruto, obviously not giving a shit about what he said, followed behind.

"Shikamaru! Wait!"

"NO!"

"Why won't you…"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" He ran into the girls bathroom. Asuma sighed and went back to the movie. What did you expect? He wasn't gonna waltz in there like a pervert.

"Think we should go inside?"

Sakura shook her head. "He'll probably rip off our disguises if we go after him. Come on before we get caught."

Naruto nodded and the two left the theater.

-_-o_o-_-

"Who do you wanna call now?" asked Sakura as they sat down on the floor and peeled off their disguises (they had their disguises over their regular clothes).

"How about Jiraiya?"

"Hm…he won't fall over and break his hip, will he?" the pink haired ninja asked nervously.

"He's tough…but then again…he is really old…we'll take it easy on him." he said as he dialed his godfather's number.

"YO! Jiraiya speaking!"

"Mr. Jiraiya? Yes, uh…we have these 10 playgirl magazines you ordered." said Naruto pinching his nose.

"P-play what?"

"Playgirl! I need you to tell me your address so I can send your magazines."

"But I didn't order any…"

"Listen sir, we have your name and phone number on this list as well as your godson's address from the last time you ordered a playgirl magazine from us. We can just send it to you there."

"NO! I DIDN'T EVEN…"

"Good bye!" Naruto quickly hung up the phone. "Who next?"

"Shizune at Tsunade's office!"

"A-are you sure, Sakura-chan?"

"Yeah! Tsunade never answers her office phone. Besides, I think she's off gambling now anyway." He nodded and dialed it.

"Hello!" Shizune said cheerfully.

"Hello there! I'm callin' to confirm your playboy magazine." said Sakura in a country accent.

"My what?"

"Playboy." Shizune was very quiet, obviously meaning she didn't know what Playboy was. After Sakura gave a brief summary of what it was, Shizune blushed (of course they didn't see her doing that).

"I-I ordered no s-such t-thing!" she stammered.

"You sure? We have here a Tsunade of the Leaf Village on the list here…" she said sounding confused. "Ain't you, Tsunade?"

"N-no! That's my boss!"

"Oh dear! My mistake! Tell her I'll call back tomorrow, suga! Have a nice day now!"

"You…too…" Sakura hung up the phone. "You think she'll tell Tsunade?"

"Doubt it." Naruto laughed. "Work'll be interesting tomorrow for her for sure! Let's prank Neji!"

Sakura nodded and handed Naruto the phone. When someone answered the phone, it wasn't Neji. It was his uncle, Hiashi.

"Quick! Pretend you're in labor!" Naruto hissed as he gave Sakura the phone.

"Oh!" she cleared her throat. "H-hello…*gasp* Oh kami-sama! W-where's N-neji?! Oh kami-sama!"

"He's…out…" Hiashi sounded confused. "Are you al…"

"GAH!" Sakura gasped. "Oh kami-sama! It hurts!"

"Come on! Push! Push!" Naruto said trying not to laugh and sound serious.

"I-it h-hurts!" she whimpered, falsely sobbing.

"Uh…is everything alright?" asked the head Hyuuga confused and concerned.

While Sakura was pretending to be in labor, Naruto yelled urgently into the phone. She's trying to say…" here Naruto spoke to Sakura. "Just a little more dear…" then he spoke back to Hiashi. "…she's having a baby!"

"Baby? What baby?"

"Didn't your son tell you? He's a father…well he's about to be one anyway…just a little more dear…"

"WHAT?!" Hiashi yelled.

"Listen gotta go now! Come on, you're almost there!"

Sakura let out a dramatic scream into the phone for affect before Naruto hung up the phone.

"Wow! That was good!" Naruto commented on Sakura's acting skills. "If I didn't know you were acting, I would have really thought you were in labor!"

"Thanks!" she blushed rubbing the back of her head. "You weren't too bad either!"

Naruto blushed too. Sakura looked at the clock. "Oh crap! I've gotta get home for dinner! I'll see you later, Naruto! Same time tomorrow?"

"Yeah!"

She smiled and headed out the door. The blonde ninja pumped his fist. Another successful "date" with Sakura! Sure Pakkun had got accidently hurt, but other than that, everything went great. He couldn't wait to spend more time with her tomorrow.


	3. Hinata, Inoichi, Sai

Okay, this is the next chapter of this story. I haven't worked on this story in a while, but here it is!

WARNING: Contains **Lee x Hinata**. If you want **NaruHina** or **LeeTen** (or whoever gets paired with Lee), reread the manga chapter 700 or see the last Naruto movie or something. I really don't care. I don't wanna hear anything about "OMGZ! Naruto is Hinata's man! Blah-blah-blah!" I think I know that, but this is fanfiction. ONWARD!

* * *

"YOU READY FOR ANOTHER DAY OF PRAAAAAAANKIIIIIING?!" yelled Naruto at Sakura who was in the middle of cleaning off a scalpel and jumped in surprised.

"NARUTO, YOU FOOL!" She hit him on the head. "You scared the hell outta me!"

"S-sorry, Sakura-chan." Naruto said rubbing his head. "I'm just so pumped for our da…I mean our pranking session."

"Well you could have waited!" she growled, but she wasn't as mad as she was before. She too was looking forward to prank calling once more. Once the teenagers finished washing off the surgical tools, the two made like a banana and split to go to Naruto's house.

Once there, Sakura dialed Ino's number giggling as she did so. As she guessed Inoichi answered the phone as Sakura remembered that Ino's mother was going out of town to visit her sick aunt while Ino herself was working with Shizune today. "Hello?"

"Ah-hem…yeah this is Kiba. Tell that bitch Ino that I'm done with her!" Sakura said perfectly imitating Kiba's voice, which Naruto found impressive.

"Excuse me?" Inoichi said not sure he heard "Kiba" right. He was not going to let anyone sit there and call his kid a bitch.

"You heard me! That baby _ain't_ mine!" Sakura said angrily. "That _whore_ left a pregnancy test in my trash can and it was fucking positive!"

"P-positive?!" Inoichi squeaked after a couple of seconds.

"Yeah and I _never_ fucked her!" Naruto giggled as Inoichi started making some extremely funny sounds as he tried to say 10 different things at once. "Listen I gotta go. See ya."

Sakura and Naruto burst out laughing after she hung up the phone. After they got a hold of themselves, Naruto started dialing the phone. "I'm gonna call Lee!"

The phone rang for a few minutes until someone answered the phone. "Hello?"

Naruto's eyes widened as he turned to Sakura. Covering up the bottom of the phone, he whispered, "What the hell is Hinata doing at Lee's house?"

Sakura shrugged. "I don't know, but hurry up before she hangs up!"

"Okay, okay!" he cleared his throat and said in a high pitched voice. "Heeeey! Is Leeee-chaaaan home?"

"Oh no…he stepped out." said the lavender eyed ninja. "Do you want to leave a message?"

"Yeeeah! Tell Lee-chan I had a great time last night." Naruto said seductively.

Hinata was quiet for a minute. "E-excuse me?"

"Tell him I never knew he had such moves in the bed." Naruto giggled. "Maybe he could show me again sometime. Tee hee hee!"

"U-uh…s-sure…I-I'll tell him…" Hinata hung up the phone.

"I wonder what if she believed that?" Sakura said tapping her chin.

"Well everyone's believed everything else we've said…" Naruto looked thoughtful. "Hm…let's go see if those prank calls from yesterday worked!"

"Yeah! I'm kind of curious too!"

The two jumped up off the floor, grabbed some disguises, placed them in a backpack, and headed outside in search of their prank call victims.

* * *

The first was Jiraiya who was flirting with some woman only to get kicked in the nuts. As she walked away with her nose in the air, the two approached him. "Hey, Pervy Sage!"

"Don't call me that, Naruto." He said ticked off at the fact that he messed up his one chance to get laid. "Any who…what the hell do you want?"

"We were wondering if you wanted to tell me anything…you know…if you have a cold, needed a massage, some comfort…and maybe…some…entertainment?" Naruto raised a brow.

"What kind of entertainment?" he too raised a brow at the young man who started to smirk.

"Oh I don't know…liiiike…A MAGAZINE!" Jiraiya nearly fell over.

"IT'S NOT MINE, I SWEAR!" He yelled. "I'M NOT GAY, DAMMIT! NOW GIMME THAT GAY MAGAZINE!"

Everyone looked at the ninja. Now if you were to hear someone say that they weren't gay, but asked for a gay magazine, you'd probably think he was indeed gay. Indeed, someone did shout out, "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

"OMG Jiraiya's gay!" someone said.

"I have to tell Barbara!"

"Oh my goodness, I always thought he was straight."

"Maybe he only flirts with futanari people!"

"He's gay!"

"I can't believe this!"

"Damn it, Naruto! Now everyone thinks I'm gay!" the man growled at the ninja.

"_**You're** _the one who said give me the gay magazine." pointed out Sakura making a good point.

"Shut up and just give me the damn magazine, you bozos!"

"Nope!" Naruto grabbed Sakura's arm and the two ran off.

"NAAAAAAAAAARUUUUUUUUTOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

Next the two went to the hokage's building where Shizune probably was. Stepping inside, they saw Tsunade. Naruto greeted her. "Hey grandma 'Nade!"

"Hm? Oh hey Naruto…Sakura." Tsunade sighed. "Have you two seen Shizune? She's been avoiding me all day for some reason."

"I couldn't imagine why." Sakura said shrugging while Naruto giggled. She frowned and nudged him.

"Well if you see her, tell her I need those files I asked her to make copies of." Tsunade shook her head as she went back to work.

"Will do! Come on, Sakura-chan!" Naruto left out of the office with Sakura.

"I can't believe she fell for it!" Sakura said as soon as they left the office.

"Me either!" the ninja laughed. "How long do you think she'll be able to avoid Tsunade?"

"Not very long." said the pink haired ninja. "She has to come out sooner or later, especially since she's Tsunade-sama's assistant."

* * *

The next stop was Lee's house. When the two got there, the door was slightly open. Before Naruto could open up the door, Hinata burst out of the house sobbing. "I don't want to see you ever again!"

"Hinata-chan wait! I never…" Lee tried to grab her, but she used her Gentle Fist technique on him before running off crying. He sighed, but then noticed Naruto and Sakura. "Uh…h-hey there Naruto and Sakura!"

"Um…what's going on, Lee?" Sakura said looking in the direction where Hinata had ran off.

"Hinata-chan got a…phone call from someone telling her lies." He sighed.

"Are you and Hinata…dating?" When he nodded, the two ninjas looked shocked.

"What?! R-really?" Sakura looked shocked still. 'I thought he liked me!'

"Yeah. We've been going out for a while…now she's mad at me." he looked heartbroken.

"Then why didn't you just explain that someone was probably pulling a prank on you?" asked Sakura.

"I did…but then she found some panties."

"PANTIES!?" They both said at the same time. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING WITH PANTIES!?"

"Well…t-to be honest…" He blushed. "I like wearing them sometimes. They're so comfortable!"

Naruto was about to say they were, but declined from saying anything about it. Sakura would probably beat the crap out of him for being a pervert. However Sakura spoke up. "Then why didn't you tell her?"

"Are you kidding me?! SHE'D SAY I WAS WEIRD!"

"Well you kind of are, bushy brows." said Naruto. "Besides, is keeping your secret worth losing your woman?"

"I-I guess not…okay. I'll tell Hinata-chan…m-maybe she won't laugh." Lee sighed and took off towards where his girlfriend had run off.

"Man, we really screwed up didn't we?" Naruto sighed.

"We?" Sakura frowned.

"Okay, okay…I messed up." he sighed. "Damn, if I knew Hinata and Bushy Brows were dating, I wouldn't have said what I did."

"Got that right." Sakura nodded. "Hmmm…I just thought of something."

"What Sakura-chan?"

"Do you think Neji knows?"

"Neji? Oh my gosh, he probably doesn't!" Naruto laughed. "He'd flip if he knew!"

"Yeah, he would. We should keep Lee's secret."

"Yeah. Neji might take his anger out on us."

"No, not that. I mean the thing about the panties!"

"Damn it. I really wanted to tell Choji and Kiba…KIBA!" Naruto dashed off. His teammate stared in the direction from where the blonde ninja had run. A few seconds later, he came back and grabbed her arm before running off again.

"Where are we going!?" she asked.

"Ino's house!"

Once they arrived at the residence, Inoichi was yelling at his daughter. **"…AND JUST WHO WERE THE BOXERS FROM THEN, HM!?"**

"I told you I accidently grabbed one of my teammates underwear on a mission and forgot to ask them whose it was when I left home today!"

**"LIKELY STORY, INO!"** He yelled. **"YOU'RE GROUNDED AND WE'LL SEE WHAT YOUR MOTHER HAS TO SAY ABOUT THIS WHEN SHE COMES BACK!"**

"This is so unfair!" she stamped her foot and went down the stairs of the house.

**"DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME, YOUNG LADY!"** He came after her.

"LALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Ino shouted.

"We'd better go…" Sakura and Naruto turned to leave when Ino called out to them.

"Sakura! Naruto! Wait! Come here!" Ino ran over. "Tell him that I don't sleep around and I'm still a virgin."

**"BOYS CAN BE LET IN AT NIGHT IF YOU LET THEM!"** Her father yelled. **"NOW GET BACK INSIDE!"**

"NO!" Ino ran off.

**"GET BACK HERE, YOUNG LADY! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!"** He took off after her. **"WE'RE GETTING YOU TESTED!"**

"I'M NOT PREGNANT!"

**"I'M TALKING ABOUT STDS!"**

* * *

The two disappeared from site leaving the two ninjas behind. "Well that could have gone better."

"I suppose so…" Sakura sighed. "But it was kind of funny."

"Damn straight." Naruto grinned. "Wanna go check in on Neji?"

"He's off on a mission. We can check him out when he comes back." Sakura looked at the sky. "It's still early. We can still make more calls if you want."

"You don't even have to ask! Come on. I wanna prank Gaara now!"

Once they got back, Naruto quickly dialed Gaara's number. On the line, Gaara answered. "Hello?"

"C-can I s-speak to the k-kazekage?" Naruto said mimicking an old woman's voice.

"This is he…"

"Oh Mr. Kazekage. I'll make this really quick…A-are you listening?"

"I'm listening."

"Okay then well…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Naruto screamed as loudly as he could. "AAAAAAAAAH! AAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAH! GAAAAH! HAAAAAAGAAAAH!"

Naruto and Sakura started giggling while Gaara said, "Who is this?!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Sakura.

"ANSWER ME!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Naruto said between giggles.

The two started laughing like crazy while the red head got extremely annoyed. "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?!"

"Is something wrong Gaara?" said a voice that belonged to Temari.

"Someone's…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Naruto screamed, but then broke into giggles.

"Give it here!" Kankuro grabbed the phone.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH! I'M GONNA KILL THE EYEBROW LESS!" The blonde ninja giggled.

"Eyebrow less?" Kankuro glance toward his brother. "Listen, here asshole!"

"NO YOU LISTEN HERE!" yelled Sakura this time. "YOUR BROTHER HAS NO…AAAAH! EYEBROWS!"

"PLUS HE'S GONNA HAVE AAAAAH EVEN BIGGER BLACK EYES IF I SEE AAAAAH HIM!"

"DON'T YOU TALK…" Temari started to yell, but Naruto hung up the phone.

"I wish I could have seen the look on his face." the blonde ninja giggled.

"One more?"

Naruto nodded. "Who next?"

"Sai! Let's pretend we're art critics and trick into thinking he's won something!" Sakura smirked.

"OOOOOH! YEAH!" He smirked too as Sakura tapped her chin.

"Now what's his number…I remember now." she dialed his number.

"Hello, this is Sai."

"Hello, Mr. Sai. Some of your friends have sent have some of your beautiful works to our museum's art contest and we loved them! They were the best ones there…actually the only ones there besides some Uzumaki kid's." said Sakura in a french accent. "Any way, they were marvelous drawings and the best we've ever seen! Better than Leonardo De Vinci!"

"We wanted to ask you if you wanted to become an exclusive artist here at the Mori Museum of Art!" Naruto said in his French accent. "We will pay you too. How does $12,568 per month sound to you?"

"W-WHAT?!" Sai sounded like he was going to have a stroke.

"However if you don't want to, perhaps we could ask Mr. Uzumaki…"

"NO! NO! I WILL NOT LET HIS HORRIBLE DRAWINGS ON DISPLAY! I'LL DO IT!" Sai yelled. He then cleared his throat. "I mean of course I will do it. When do I start?"

"When should he start?" Sakura whispered to her teammate.

"Hmm…a week from now and tell a place where its far away and we won't see in for a while." he whispered back.

"3 weeks from now in the snow country."

"Really? Did you relocate?"

"Yes, we did." said Naruto. "We're bringing the beauty of art to…how do you say…the little people?" said Naruto hoping Sai would believe it.

"Okay then, but it may take me a while to get there." confessed Sai.

"We can wait." said Sakura.

"Okay then. I'll see you there." Before they could hang up, he spoke up. "Wait, who sent them?"

"I think you know…" Sakura said before hanging up the phone. Once she had, they laughed again.

"He actually fell for it! He's such a dumb ass!"

"That's what he gets for saying stupid stuff about us and our friends, shannaro!" said Sakura smirking.

"How do you think he'll do when he finds out it was all a prank?" asked Naruto curious.

"Hm…I don't know. I've never seen him angry before." Sakura was curious too. "Oh well. There's no way he'll know it was us if he did find out."

"Yeah, plus it'll get rid of him for a while, won't it?"

"Yeah. It won't take him long to come back though. He can use a bird drawing to take him there and back."

"I guess so." Naruto yawned. "Man, it's dinner time. You'd better get going, Sakura-chan."

"Oh crap right." Once she had put back on her shoes and was heading out the door, she waved at Naruto. "Same time tomorrow?"

"Yep!"

"See you tomorrow, Naruto."

"See ya, Sakura-chan!" As she ran off towards home, Naruto went back inside and began cooking himself some ramen. Today was another successful day, with an exception with them accidently ruining Hinata and Lee's relationship. 'I hope they made up. It might be a while before Bushy Brow finds someone would could stand someone with bushy eyebrows.'

* * *

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Sorry if you didn't like the one pairing in this chapter. I have a new found love of LeeHina and no one can tell me to stopping having it as one of my many ships so deal with it.


	4. Anko, Dango Shop, Ino, Yamato

Here's another chapter for you guys. I'm planning on making a sequel to this featuring the kids, but the pairings and kids will be slightly different since LeeHina is in the story now.

* * *

"Sakura, wake up." Mebuki said shaking her daughter a little.

"Mom, its 5 'O clock in the morning!" complained the pink haired ninja said covering her head.

"I know, but it's one of your teammates, Sai." Sakura uncovered her head. "He says he's leaving for good."

"Oh! Tell him I'll be right down!" Sakura said getting out of her bed. Her mother nodded and left and Sakura quickly looked for her robe, put it, and went downstairs. Her mother was talking to Sai on the couch.

"…and you're sure about this?" Mebuki said looking concerned.

"Oh very much so, Mrs. Haruno." Sai said cheerfully. "It's always been my dream to be a paid artist. Drawing is my life and passion and I've been waiting for an opportunity like this for a long time!"

"That's nice, but have you thought long and hard about it?" she asked.

"Yes and I want to go." Sai saw Sakura. "Oh, hello Sakura. I'm sorry I woke you up so early, but I must depart from Konoha."

"Why is that?" Sakura asked pretending that she had no clue what was coming up next.

"I'm leaving tomorrow for a career in art like I've always dreamt of doing my entire life." said Sai grinning. "I've got something for you. I know it's not much but…"

He gave Sakura a beautifully crafted gift basket and she immediately felt bad. "Oh Sai, it's so nice! Thank you!"

'Oh great now I feel bad!' She sighed, inwardly debating on whether or not to tell him.

"Well this is it." Sai hugged Sai. "Good bye, Sakura. Have a good life."

Sai bowed to Mebuki and left leaving Sakura looking sad. Her mother placed an arm around her daughter. "Don't be sad, Saku. He'll still write, call, and when he's not busy, he'll visit sometimes. Keep your head up, sweety."

Sakura bit her lip as her mother went back to her bedroom. She shook her head and went upstairs and called Naruto who immediately answered. "Sakura-chan, did Sai…"

"Yeah. Did he…"

"Yep. Did he give you a…"

"…gift basket? Yeah." Sakura shook her head. "I feel bad now." She looked outside and saw Sai helping an old lady with her bags. "He's still outside. I'm gonna talk to him and tell him."

"You might wanna look at your basket before you do, Sakura-chan." said Naruto. She was confused for a minute, but decided to look inside her basket and took out some cream and saw why Naruto told her to look in the basket first. She read some of them out.

**(****_CREAM_****)** _Here's some cream to shrink that massive forehead of yours._

**(Facial cream)** _Here's some cream for your upper lip. You're going to end up like a hairy ape woman like Ino, except her legs always get extremely hairy and not her lip._

**(Shampoo)** _Get some anger management lessons._

**(box of chocolates)** _Please stop talking about Sasuke all the time. He's a loser and Naruto is too. I'm tired of him saying he wants to be he hokage all the time. He's way too stupid to run a country._

"**SHANNARO**!" Sakura chucked a frying pan out of her (open) window at Sai who was heading past Sakura's window.

"Sakura, watch where you're…"

**_"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YA JERK, CHA!"_** Sakura yelled at him. "**_I OUTTA FUCKING KILL YOU! HAIRY APE WOMAN!? MASSIVE FOREHEAD!? ANGER MANAGEMENT?! SASUKE AND NARUTO ARE LOSERS?! I HOPE SOMEONE MURDERS YOU WHILE YOU'RE GONE, YOU FUCKER! GO THERE AND NEVER COME BACK! IF I EVER SEE YOU BACK IN KONOHA AGAIN, NOT EVEN THE HOKAGE, KAKASHI, NARUTO, AND THE WHOLE ANBU FORCE WILL BE ABLE TO HOLD ME BACK, GOT THAT!?_**"

Sai gave her the finger and ran away, giggling as he did so. He had always wanted to do that. "YOU BAS…"

Before she could jump out her window, run after him, and break every single bone in his body, her mother pulled her back in and glared at her. "SAKURA HARUNO!"

'Oh crap!' Sakura thought with a look of fear on her face. When her mother was really, really, REALLY mad, it was scarier than when Tsunade could ever be. "Mom, I…"

"Lucky for you, I'm too tired to do anything." Mebuki growled. "However, if you ever do that again, there **_will_** be trouble…GOT IT?!"

"Y-yes, m-mom!" Sakura said shaking in fear.

"Good." She left out of her daughter's room, slamming the door behind her.

"You still there, Sakura-chan?" said Naruto.

"Yeah, I'm still here." said Sakura placing the phone back up to her ear. "What'd he say to you?"

"Mostly things about…you know…private stuff…"

"Of course." the pink haired teen shook her head, knowing full well that he had written about Naruto's penis for some reason. "You know what? Fuck him!"

"Damn right!" Naruto nodded on the other side of the phone. "I'm glad he's gone, the asshole."

"I know!" she looked at her clock. "Hey, you wanna get a start on our prank phone calls? I mean we're wide awake…"

"Hell yeah, you know it, Sakura-chan!"

"Okay. I'll be over in 30 minutes." she hung up her phone and went to take a shower.

* * *

"Okay, so who do we wanna start on?" Naruto asked Sakura as she settled down on the floor.

"Anko!" Sakura giggled. "Do you know her number?"

Naruto nodded and dialed her number. Sakura took the phone as it started ringing. "Hello, Anko here."

"Heeeeeeeeeellooooo, Miiiiiiitaaaaaaraaaaashiiiii!" said Sakura sounding like the announcer from DBZ. "Congratulations, you have won 224 pounds of **_free_** dango from Konoha's Dango shop!"

"WHAT?! R-REALLY!" Anko squealed. "Wait, this isn't a prank is it?"

"Of course not, Miss Mitarashi…however if you want us to give it to someone else who loves dango…"

"NO! No! I-I'll take it!" Anko said quickly with her love of dango blocking her ninja skills from furthering her questioning of the announcer type "man".

"Okay, but you can only collect them tomorrow after lunch time." said Sakura.

"Okay, sure…I can wait!" she hung up the phone and then began dancing.

"My turn!" Naruto picked up the phone dialed the dango shop.

"Hello?" said an old man from the other side of the receiver.

"Yes, this is Anko." said Naruto after turning into Anko.

"Oh crap, it's that Anko chick again…" the man said turning away from the phone.

"She just came here an hour ago. TWICE!" said a young man somewhere in the room with the old man. "How much can that bitch eat?!"

"I really don't know…" said the old man shaking his head. "How can I help you?"

"I want 224 pounds of dango!" said "Anko".

"Got it…son, we've got an order for…WAIT WHAT!?" the man said amazed.

"You heard me! I've got a cravin' for dango and I need it by lunch time tomorrow!"

"O-okay, if you say so…the total will be $1,989." said the old man.

"Got it! I'll get it to you tomorrow!"

"Okay…bye." they hung up the phone.

"Anko's gonna get the surprise of a lifetime come lunch!" giggled Naruto.

"Okay, so who do you wanna prank now?" asked Sakura. "I can't think of anyone who we can prank now."

"How about Ibiki?" Naruto grinned.

"I-Ibki?!" Sakura looked at her teammate as if he was crazy.

"You're right. He's too advanced." he rubbed his chin. "How about…"

Suddenly someone knocked on the door and Naruto went over to answer it. It was Kiba. "Hey Ki…"

"Sakura!" Kiba walked right past him. The two looked at each other and back at the young man.

"Hey, Kiba. What's up?" said Sakura.

"Your friend said that I said I slept with her and…" Kiba then went on to telling her about what they already knew. "I don't even like her! Why would I call her and tell her dad that anyway!? I don't even have her number!"

"Maybe it was someone pranking her." suggested Naruto.

"I told her that, but she slapped me and told me that her dad said it sounded just like me!" Kiba spat on the ground. "Sakura tell your nasty ass friend that I never called her and if she ever comes over to my house telling those lies and threatens me, I'll have Akamaru piss on her face!"

Kiba didn't wait for an answer and walked off. Sakura looked at Naruto and shrugged as the blonde ninja shut the door. "Well that was interesting…"

"Yeah…"

"We should check up on Hinata and Lee."

"Why?"

"Because of what happened yesterday, dummy!" pointed out Sakura shaking her head.

"Oh yeah! I completely forgot! Let's see if we can catch one of them."

* * *

"Hm…Bushy Brows isn't home." said Naruto peeking through Lee's window.

"Let's see if he's at Hinata's then." said Sakura walking off. Naruto followed her while thinking of some more people they could prank. When they finally got there, Hanabi, Hinata's little sister was coming out. "Hey there."

"Can I help you?" she asked raising a brow at the two.

"I'm Haruno Sakura and this is Uzumaki Naruto." said Sakura bowing. "We're looking for Hinata."

"My sister?" She looked uncomfortable when they nodded.

"Is something wrong?"

"Uh…well yeah. She's really upset." she explained. "Her boyfriend cheated on her and she's up in her room crying."

"Shit…" Naruto mumbled feeling really bad.

"Can we see her?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. My cousin, Neji, is getting yelled at and you really don't wanna be in there right now."

"Why's he getting yelled at?"

"Because he got some girl pregnant and now he's denying it. It's bad enough that Hinata's already pregnant and won't say who the dad it." Hanabi said. "Anyway it's really ugly. You might wanna come back tomorrow. I'll tell Hinata you guys wanted to see her."

"Thanks." Sakura and Naruto watched as Hanabi walked off.

"Now I feel really bad." Naruto sighed. "I didn't know she was pregnant!"

"Me either. She doesn't look it, but she must be early in it." Sakura said thinking of all the times she had seen the Hyuuga. "Well what now?"

"I don't…"

"Sakura!" Ino was waving at her friend as she walked out of a store.

"Hey Ino!" Sakura said walking towards her friends. "What's up?"

"My dad's a jerk!" Ino crossed her arms. "HE GROUNDED ME!"

"For whatever happened yesterday?" asked Naruto.

"YEAH! Kiba wouldn't own up to it though! I fucking hate him for this."

"Maybe he wasn't really the one doing it." suggested Naruto.

"Prove it then!" Ino growled.

He closed his mouth when Sakura stepped on his foot. Ino just sighed. "Well I'd better get going then. I'm only allowed to go to work and work at the hospital and with Tsunade-sama…I hope he falls down the stairs and breaks his old back…stupid ass old man!"

"You don't mean that Ino!" said Sakura.

"I DO! I wish I didn't have a dad sometimes…dads are so stupid…I mean mine is anyway…" She said adding that last part rather quickly when she remembered that Naruto didn't have one. "See you two later."

"She doesn't mean that about her dad." said Sakura.

"She's gonna be looking pretty ugly when he does die." suddenly Naruto got an idea. "Sakura, let's go back to my house!"

"Why?"

"I have a plan! Come on!"

Back at Naruto's place, Naruto told Sakura his genius plan to call Ino ugly. He planned on calling her and telling her that she had won an ugly contest, but before that occurred, they would give a gift certificate for a makeover to fix her face. Sakura giggled. "Let's do it!"

Naruto and Sakura quickly went to work on a certificate. It looked pretty realistic and Sakura went to Ino's house and snuck it inside of their mailbox while Naruto was the look out. Once they were done, they headed back. Naruto dialed Ino's parents' flower shop number and waited. Ino answered. "What?"

"Is this Yamanaka Ino?"

"Yes."

"Coooooongraaaaduuuulaaaations, Yaaaaaaamaaaaaakaaaaaa!" said Naruto in an announcer type voice. "You have just won a beauty certificate from our ugly contest!"

"A BEAUTY CONTEST!? OH I CAN'T WAIT TO…wait…**_UGLY_** CONTEST!?"

"YES! You are the ugliest girl in Konoha with the ugliest personality!" Naruto informed her.

"UGLY CONTEST?! WHO SAID…WHO VOTED…I AM **_NOT_ **UGLY!"

"Then how come you won it then?" said Naruto grinning.

"No…you're just pranking me!"

"Check your mail box then."

"Fine! I will! Wait just a moment!" Ino left the store and came back in record time. "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! WHEN WAS THIS POLL STARTED!?"

"We can't disclose that." said Naruto trying not to laugh. "Enjoy getting that ugly face fixed!"

Naruto hung up and the teens laughed. Then Sakura dialed Yamato's number. Luckily he answered. "Yamato here."

"Hey Yamato." said Sakura imitating Kakashi's voice.

"Oh hey, Kakashi-senpai." said Yamato. "Did you want something?"

"Yeah, I'm going to need you to get me something from the book store." said Sakura. "Don't worry. I'll pay you back later."

"Okay. What do you need?"

"I need you to pick me up a playboy magazine."

"Playboy?" said Yamato confused.

"Yeah, but don't let Jiraiya know. He'll get upset if he knew I got one."

"Sure, but what's a playboy?"

"Just ask the guy or gal at the counter." said Sakura trying not to laugh.

"Okay…playboy got it." said Yamato unfazed by the question and they hung up the phone.

"Let's go see if he brought it." giggled Naruto. Sakura nodded and headed off to the bookstore. Sure enough, Yamato was buying the magazines and looking ashamed.

"Hey, Yamato!" said Naruto.

"Hey you two…" he sighed. "Here, take this to that pervert, Kakashi!"

"What's in here?" asked Naruto grabbing the bag that Yamato was handing to him as if it had a diaper in it.

"He wanted me to pick him up some smut." growled Yamato looking very red. "That pervert's going to get it. I don't care if he is my senior. He can buy his own perverted material. Don't tell anyone you saw me doing this."

"We won't!" reassured the two.

"Good. Naruto, Jiriaya mentioned that he wanted to train with you today."

"Aw what?!"

"I'll see you later, Naruto and Sakura."

"Bye!" Once he had walked away, Naruto sighed. "Why today of all days?"

"It's okay, Naruto. We can meet up later." assured Sakura patting his shoulder. "Besides, while you're training and I'm at the hospital, we can think of who to prank!"

"Yeah! I didn't think of that!" Naruto high fived his team mate. As the two parted, Naruto hoped that maybe he and Sakura's relationship would go to the next level while pranking. Just as he was half way to meeting Jiriaya, he spotted Hinata on a bench. "Hey Hinata!"

"N-naruto-kun! H-hello!" She rubbed her eyes.

"Are you alright?"

"N-no! Lee-chan…he…he cheated on me…and with me being pregnant makes it even harder." she sobbed. "I thought he loved me…"

"Listen about Lee…"

"What him?" She showed a rare look of anger. "Is he hanging around with another girl now!?"

"I…I…IT WAS ME!" Naruto shouted feeling really guilty as he remembered what Hanabi said as well as seeing the pain and hurt in her eyes and began quickly explaining himself.

"Huh…wait…you…slept with Lee and left underwear at his house?" Hinata face was between anger and confusion.

"No…well…Lee likes wearing panties because I told him they felt good." He half lied. "I was only pranking you and I didn't know you two were dating!"

"How do I know you're not lying?" she said suspiciously.

"Because I'm not." said Naruto in the voice he used to prank Hinata. Her eyes got big. Hinata looked relieved, but then she smacked him across the face. "Ow! What was…"

"You…you…how could you?" Hinata said rather furiously. "Y-you ruined my relationship and Lee-chan probably hates me now!"

"Don't worry, he doesn't! He…" before he could say anymore, she had run off. "Hey! Where are you going?!"

She ignored him and continued to run off. He shrugged and walked off to where he was heading before he saw her. That could have been worse. If Neji or Hanabi or her dad or even all of them were there, his ass would literally be no more. Hopefully the reason why she wasn't kicking his ass was because she was pregnant.

* * *

That's all for now. If you guys have any suggestions for who to prank call, leave it in a review or PM me!


	5. Temari, Kabuto, Ibiki

Naruto was bored beyond belief. Training got cancelled after some famous guy wanted to talk to Jiriaya. Something about a movie about his Icha Icha Paradise books. Naruto was going to get Sakura for some more prank calls, but then remembered that she was at the hospital. She would most likely kick his butt if he disturbed her even if it was for some more prank calling. Now he had to do it himself. Now who would suffer from prank calls today? Suddenly he got an idea.

He dialed Gaara's office number and waited. "Hello, this the Kazekage's office. This is Temari speaking. How may I help you?"

"You can start by sucking my dick." said Naruto in similar to Shikamaru's voice.

"Excuse me?!" she growled. "Who the heck is this?!"

"You know who this is, bitch." said Naruto giggling.

"Shikamaru, is this really you?"

"Stop pretending you don't know who this is, dipshit."

"Listen up you lazy son of a…"

"How's that sexy brother of yours doing? You know the one with the brown hair."

"S-sexy?!"

"Yeah. Put that tasty piece of ass on the phone. I heard he was really good at phone sex."

"You…you…you leave my brother alone!"

"Listen up, Miss Man-hands. Need I remind you that you're only jealous because Kankuro gets more booty than you ever will. The only reason why Tenten's even fucking you is because you beat her a long time ago."

"I'M NOT A LES…"

"Temari, what are you doing?" it was Gaara.

"Shikamaru's on the phone saying stupid shi…"

"HEY! WHERE'S THAT SEXY BROTHER KANKURO AT!? DON'T TELL ME HE'S TOO BUSY FUCKNG GAARA OR HIS PUPPETS FOR SOME OF HIS FAMOUS PHONE SEX!"

"Let me talk to him." before Gaara even got on the phone, Naruto hung up. Now who was next? He decided to call Orochimaru. Yes Naruto had the man's number…well at least he hoped he did. A couple of months back he found a number on the wall of a public restroom that was supposed to be Orochimaru's number. Who had put it there and why, he didn't know.

After dialing it, he waited until he heard a very familiar voice. "Sound village. Kabuto speaking."

"Kabuto, what are you doing giving my number out!" said Naruto in a poor imitation of Orochimaru's voice. However Kabuto thought it was him.

"I didn't give out your number except to…"

"OH! So you did give out my number then!"

"Yes, but it was to…"

"Well now because of you, my number is written all over the Konoha restroom in permanent marker! THEY'RE GOING TO TRACK US DOWN BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"Yes, but I…"

"YOU'RE FIRED!"

"W-what?"

"YOU HEARD ME! PACK YOUR SHIT AND LEAVE!" Naruto yelled trying not to laugh. "I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU GO! IF I EVER SEE YOU ON THE BASE AGAIN, I'LL TAKE YOUR LIFE AND YOUR BODY! NOW GET OFF MY DAMN PHONE AND BEAT IT!"

Once he hung up the phone, Naruto burst out laughing like a wild beast on steroids. Now who next? The only person he could think of was Ibiki. Did he have the skill to pull off a prank on him? THE top dog dog?! He had to try.

He nervously dialed the man's number and waited. All he got was his answering machine. Maybe he was at work. He dialed the number to his job place and waited. Someone answered. "Konoha Torture and Interrogation Force. How may I help you?"

"This is Anko. I need to speak to Ibiki right now!" he said urgently.

"Hold on." the guy on the phone went over to Ibiki who was in the middle of an interrogation. "Ibiki, Anko's on the phone."

He sighed. "What does that woman want now? Tell her I'm busy and I don't have time for…"

"She said it's really important. She sounded like she was in danger or something. The numbers blocked off too and I don't know what it means. Could be trouble."

"Fine. Stay here with the prisoner." he then went into the room with the telephone. "What?"

"Ibiki! Ibiki! Thank goodness you're here!" Naruto said trying to make it sound like he was in pain.

"What's wrong?"

"It's terrible! Just terrible!" he gasped. "Orochimaru…"

He then started crumpling up a bag of chips. "What about Orochimaru?"

"He…" Naruto started gestured for his shadow clones to start making all kinds of fuss in the background. "Oh kami-sama! They're here!"

"Anko! Are you alright?"

"I will be when I…" he got quiet, trying to hold in the laughter.

"When you…"

"Sh…" the clones ran all over the room for the effect of someone running in the room. The clones made more noises and then left the room. He was quiet for a few minutes. "Okay, I think they're gone now."

"Anko, what the heck is going on? Where are you?"

"I'm…aaaaaaaaaah! AH! LET GO OF ME! EEEEEEAHAHAIASHAGH! LET GO! LET GO YOU FUC…AH!" Naruto and the clones wrestled. Ibiki was going more and more tense by the minute.

"ANKO! ANKO ARE YOU STILL THERE?!"

"Oh she's here alright…eheheheheh!" said Naruto in his stupid imitation of Orochimaru.

"Orochimaru, what have you done to her?"

"Oh you'll find out soon enough…AFTER YOU FIND HER CORPSE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA…*cough* *cough*!" Doing the laugh plus his voice really did a number on his throat.

"You evil bastard!"

"If you wish to save her, I'll tell you how…are you listening?"

"Yes."

"Are you really?"

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Listening?"

"Yes."

"Listening?"

"Yes!"

"ARE YOU LISTEN YOU MOTHER FUCKER?!"

"JUST GET ON WITH IT!"

"Well here's the first clue…" Naruto took a loud deep breath and then yelled. "TAKE A GOOD LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND TRY NOT TO BREAK IT! I'M SURPRISED YOU CAN WALK ANYWHERE WITH THAT UGLY ASS FACE YOU'VE GOT! AS UGLY AS YOU ARE, I'M SURPRISED PEOPLE DON'T DROP DEAD WHEN THEY SEE YOU! WHY THE HECK ARE YOU BALD?! IT'S BRIGHTER THAN MY FUTURE! YO MAMA SO FAT,WHEN SHE GETS IN THE OCEAN THE WHALES COME UP AND SING, 'WE ARE FAMILY, EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE FATTER THAN ME! YOU SMELL SO BAD EVEN A SKUNK WOULDN'T WANNA BE AROUND YOU! YOU'RE SO STUPID, WHEN YOU WORKED AT THE M&amp;M FACTORY, YOU GOT FIRED FOR THROWING AWAY ALL THE W'S!"

"WHAT?!"

"Good-bye." Naruto hung up the phone. On the other end Ibiki was wondering what just happened while the rest of the force just looked on wondering the same.

"Um…so I'm getting that Anko is kidnapped and we've gotta go find her." said one person.

"We could trace it back if we tried." said another.

"I suppose so." said Ibiki sighing.

Naruto was in the middle of dialing Choji's number when his phone started ringing. He answered it. "Hello?"

"Naruto?" Naruto nearly shat himself. How the hell did they trace him?! IT WAS ON PRIVATE FOR PETE'S SAKE! He wished he would have looked up if people could track your phone if the number was on private.

"Hey Ibiki! What's going on? Can you please hurry up and tell what you want? Someone broke into my house." Naruto said quickly.

"Really. Hm. Naruto listen up. Anko was kidnapped in your house and we're coming over to inverstigate."

'NO! NO! NO! NO!' Naruto started crying. "Oh! That's bad! Well I'll see you then."

Summoning his clones, he told them to mess up the place. They went to work while Naruto snuck into Anko's house and looked for anything with her hair on it as well as he clothes. He ripped pieces off and placed them under his bed (after removing certain things from under there). He placed a few hairs in a few places and he was done just in time for Ibiki and his team to come in.

Every now and then he felt like peeing, shitting, and vomiting on himself as they went around the house. After a while they left after finding nothing useful. They had left without a trace in their heads, but only Naruto knew the truth. After today's events, he laid down and slept for a long time. Luck was his side today, but probably not tomorrow.


	6. Ino and Choji Plus Attack On Sai

LalalaUnderAuLuv and Guest- I was actually planning on working on it last week, but never got around to it sadly. I'm sorry the long wait brought you grief and I'm glad you liked the story.

* * *

Naruto was a nervous wreck after last week's episode. Anko had been found trying to kill the dango shop owner while said owner was trying to kill her in return for not wanting to pay back her bill despite telling her he never promised free dango nor did he have a contest. Naruto's apartment was being investigated, so the poor ninja was forced to beg Jiriaya to allow him to stay in his house until Ibiki and his force were done investigating. He was walking down the street feeling as if he was about to barf when Lee called at him.

"Hey, Naruto!" said Lee waving at him. Naruto just smiled a bit as Lee and Hinata came over.

'It looks like those two are back together and happy.' thought Naruto. 'At least someone's happy.'

"What's with the long face my friend? Today is a very youthful day today!" said Lee grinning while Hinata nodded. "Why don't you join us for lunch?"

"Oh no thanks." said Naruto.

"Is something wrong?"

"No it's nothing." said Naruto. Hinata gave him an odd look while Lee looked worried. It kind of looked like she was trying to hide either amusement or satisfaction that Naruto was miserable.

"Well if you say so. Well see you later, Naruto!" Lee headed off with his girlfriend in hand.

Naruto went over to the Haruno household. Sakura was leaving and heading his way. She didn't seem to see him at first, so Naruto quickly turned around. "Naruto!"

The blonde ninja took off running when she called out his name. Suddenly, before he knew it, he felt Sakura grab him by the collar of his shirt and whispered in his ear. "Why are you running, Naruto? You haven't done anything wrong have you?"

"Of course not!" he said facing the ninja once she let go.

"You're lying." said Sakura narrowing her green eyes at him. "I've known you for a long time, Naruto Uzumaki. You can't hide shit from me."

"Well..." Naruto told her.

"Oh crap. I should have guessed you would!" said Sakura grabbed Naruto by the hand and pulled him behind her.

"Where are you taking me?"

"To my house so we can talk in private!" said Sakura. Once they had gotten in her house and into her living room, she glared at him with her hands on her hips. "Have you lost your mind? I thought we agreed not to prank Ibiki!"

"I know, I just got bored and you weren't around and...I guess I just wanted to impress you that's all."

"Well if you managed to get away with this, I _**will** _be impressed." admitted Sakura. Naruto's jaw dropped in shock. At moments like these, Sakura would scold him or send him flying. Then again this was the same Sakura who had been prank calling with him when she wasn't busy. "But only if you get away with it."

"I hope I do."

"I doubt they'll do anything major to you anyways." admitted Sakura.

She doubted he'd get any serious punishment for what he did...well she hoped. She didn't want Naruto getting into any kind of trouble as she been enjoying herself with him. Heck she was having more fun than she'd ever had in her entire life. She had gotten rid of that asshole Sai and caused some hilarious chaos with him. She couldn't help but to think that had Sasuke never left, she probably wouldn't be doing this out of fear of disapproval of the Uchiha. She loved doing this! It was so much fun! Besides, Naruto was still her team mate and well a friend. She wasn't going to let him be caught if she could help it!

"What now then?" Naruto had a feeling it would be too dangerous to prank call from his house now.

"Well...uh...do you wanna go see a movie together?" asked Sakura.

"What really?"

"Yeah. I don't see why not."

"O-okay." Naruto was pleasantly surprised at this. Was this a date? If not, he would happily accept just being close to the pink haired teen. They went to the movie theater only to find Lee there with his girlfriend.

"I see those two are back together." Sakura whispered to Naruto.

"I know. I ran into them earlier." said Naruto. "Hinata gave me this weird look too."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. She looked kind of happy I was feeling shitty."

"I would be too if you had almost ruined my relationship with my boyfriend." she pointed out.

"Are you sure you want to see that movie?" asked Lee pointing at the poster for the movie of a horror movie.

"O-of course I do!" said Hinata blushing. "If I get scared, you can hold me."

Lee looked pleased at this and quickly went inside. Naruto couldn't help to be jealous of Lee. If only Sakura would act that way towards him. He looked over at her as she looked over some movie posters. He had been in love with her for a long time, but her crush on Sasuke made things horrible for him. If Sasuke wasn't on his team, he'd like to think that Sakura would fall for him instead. After she picked the movie she wanted to see, they went inside and viewed a movie together. It felt nice being next to his crush without her yelling at him to shove off or something. He thought about putting his arm around her or something, but with how things were going lately he didn't want to push his luck. Afterwards they ate over at Ichiruku Ramen for a while.

"That was delicious as usual." said Naruto grinning.

"And pretty lucky too." said Sakura. "Lee's back with Hinata, you're not in trouble, and I actually had a good time with you."

"Why is that surprising?"

"Oh you know because you can be a dork sometimes and...hey look!"

Naruto looked over to where Sakura was pointing and saw a pissed off Sai. The two of them backed up into an alleyway. Sai looked furious about something and it scared them usually the ninja always had that same annoying look on his, but today he looked pissed and a pissed Sai looked scary. Both Sakura and Naruto looked at the pale ninja in fear.

"Whoa he looks mad." said Naruto.

"He looks really scary." said Sakura. "I've never seen him this angry before. It's really scary."

"Looks like he's about to massacre everyone in the village." said the blonde ninja.

"Let's get out of here just in case he does go on a murder spree." Naruto nodded in agreement and the two of them quickly left the scene, although both were curious about Sai's journey away from home and his sudden return. Then again, he could draw a bird to fly him where ever he pleased.

Once the two went back to Sakura's place, the two of them peeked out of her window watching out for Sai. He only passed by once but kept going by, much to the relief of Sakura and Naruto. She looked at him. "Now what?"

"I don't know. I'm not going out there with him back." said Naruto.

"Me either..."

They were quiet for a while. Until Sakura spoke up. "You wanna...prank call?"

"For real?" Naruto looked at her.

"You're right that's a stupid idea. I..."

"No it's fine. You just surprised me is all." said Naruto. "Do you still wanna..."

"Only if you want to."

"Sure. I'd love to!" Naruto said quickly recovering from what had happened last week. "Who do wanna call?"

"Uh...let's see." Naruto hadn't had time to come up with a list. He was too busy hoping and praying that he wasn't going to get caught. "How about...how about Choji?"

"I don't see the harm in that." said Sakura. ""Alright call him."

He dialed Choji's number, hoping the ninja would pick up the phone. Indeed he did. "Choji here."

"Hey Choji." said Naruto after turning into Sai. She stared at him, wishing she knew what the ninja was about to do.

"Oh it's you." said Choji sounding mad. "I didn't expect you to show...well let me here your voice after what you did."

"He must have sent Choji a basket like our's." whispered Sakura. Naruto nodded.

"Well what can I say. I'm not scared of someone who's only impressive talent is eating chips all day and being a fat bastard."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?" he yelled.

"You hear me, fatso!" Naruto grinned. "FATSO! FAT BASTARD! FAT..."

"You'd better be glad you're out of this village or else..."

"Oh I'm back, FATTY, and I DARE you to come face me. That is if you're not too busy stuffing your face with chips!" Naruto laughed.

"YOU...WHEN I FIND YOU I'M KICKING YOUR ASS!" yelled Choji before hanging up the phone.

"Choji sounded mad." said Sakura. "Do you really think that was a good idea sending him after Sai?"

"He insulted us and our friends." said Naruto. "He deserves it!"

"True." said Sakura. "Let's call Ino. He sent her a basket too."

"Alright." he dialed Ino's number.

"Ino here." said Ino.

"Hey, Miss Bushy." said Naruto still turned into Sai.

"You! I can't believe you'd dare to call me after what you said about me, Sakura, and my team!" she growled. "You're mighty brave!"

"And you're mighty ugly!"

"EXCUSE ME!?" she yelled ready to jump through the phone.

"You heard me, ya bushy cow!" said Sakura joining in as Sai. "No wonder they named you Ino, because you're as ugly as a pig!"

"You take that back!"

"No way, Miss Piggy!" said Naruto. "Oink oink!"

"GRRRRRRRR! IF I COULD I'D HEAD ON DOWN TO WHERE EVER YOU WENT AND BEAT YOUR ASS!" yelled the blonde woman. "IF THERE'S A MISSION OVER THERE, I'M TAKING IT SO I CAN FIND YOU AND RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!"

"Well I'm actually not there anymore." said Sakura calmly. "I'm actually in the village, so if you're not too busy waxing your hairy ass, then come find me. Oh wait. I forgot I was talking to the most useless part of Team Asuma if not the whole ninja community. Maybe your more competent team mates can find me. We all know that without your father's jutsu passed down to you, you ain't worth shit."

"I'M NOT USELESS! I'LL SHOW YOU!" Ino hung up the phone.

Sakura and Naruto laughed. "He's going to get his ass whooped! Believe it!"

"Cha! That's what I'm talkin' about!" said Sakura grinning. "I can't wait to see this!"

"We've gotta call more people so this can be the best smack down ever!"

"Maybe we can get a few punches in." said Sakura slamming her fist into her hand.

The two then called up Shino, Kiba, Tenten, and couple of other people. Afterwards, the two went off to go find Sai and the others. They didn't want to miss the chance to get a few punches in. Sure enough an angry crowd was making their way down the street. It had a lot of people they had seen in the village and their friends in there too.

"Where are you guys going?" asked Naruto innocently.

"We're going for revenge!" said Ino. "That bastard was asking for it after what he's said and done!"

"I'll show him how good my marksmenship is." said Tenten carrying scrolls that held her sharpest and heaviest weapons. "He's gonna pay about what he said about my skills and my hair! This nightmare is for right! Hahaha!"

"He's gonna pay for calling Akamaru a mutt!" said Kiba.

"I dare him to try and squash my bugs." said Shino.

"'NOBODY CALLS ME FAT!" joined in Choji.

"Count us in!" said Sakura.

The crowd then went off looking for Sai and found him not too long after Sakura and Naruto joined in. Someone pointed at him. "THERE'S THAT PALE FUCKER!"

Sai was eating at a restaurant and was drawing something. Everyone stormed towards him. Sai looked up briefly before unleashing hell upon the crowd. Tigers, dragons, hideous beasts, large angry birds (no pun intended), and dangerous monsters came towards them, brutality attacking them all. Everyone was trying to fight back and get Sai, but the attacks were too strong to handle. Someone even got picked up and dropped on a local vendor's stand.

"FALL BACK AND HAUL ASS!" someone shouted and everybody did. A few foolish people tried again, but ended up either getting hurt or nearly killed by Sai. Sai still had that same pissed look on his face the whole time.

Luckily Sakura and Naruto managed to get away with Naruto using shadow clones to protect them. Once they had gotten into cover, they tried catching their breathes. "Are you okay?"

"I think..."

"Naruto you're hurt." Sakura grabbed his arm. Indeed the ninja had a scratch on his arm.

"Yeah one of those damn birds tried to carry me off." said Naruto.

"Here let me heal you."

"Thanks. Man, Sai was brutal today."

"Yeah. I'm willing to bet it had something to do with his little trip." said Sakura as she healed the ninja.

"Who knew he'd sent so many of those baskets?"

"Knowing him, he probably sent more. The other's were probably too busy or something." said Sakura. "Alright, I'm done now. We'd better get going. I have a feeling those things he sent out are still attacking..."

Just then someone fell behind them.

"...people...oh crap!" She grabbed Naruto's hand and hauled ass.

The attacks did continue as people were getting picked up left and right all day and getting attacked. Sakura and Naruto hid and watched everything from Sakura's bedroom window. It only stopped when the sun was setting. They both figured Tsunade or the ANBU or some jonin managed to stop the attacks.

"Looks like things have settled." said Naruto. "I'd better get back home while it's quiet."

"I'll come with you!" said Sakura.

"Then who's gonna walk you home?"

"Oh right...if you want you could sleep in the guest room."

"For real?"

"Of course. You're my teammate." said the pink haired teen smiling. Then she turned serious. "But if you so much as peek, you can sleep outside!"

"Right! Thanks."

Today had to be Naruto's luckiest day ever! Sakura went on a sort of date with him, they went in a riot today and escaped, Ibiki hadn't called him in, and he was sleeping in Sakura's house with her! Well in a separate room, but it was still lucky! Things had made a unexpectedly good turn for the ninja. Maybe next, Sakura might even...no he doubted even that would happen. However there was will a chance since the pink haired teen had been spending a lot of time with him. Who knows? Maybe if Sasuke stays off a little while longer, Sakura might even fall for him!

* * *

Not much prank calling in this one, huh? There will be more next chapter.


	7. Kakashi, Anko, Shikamaru, Sora

The next day, Naruto was still asleep in the guest room of the Haruno household. It was nice staying over at Sakura's house. Her mom was pretty nice while her father kept making corny jokes, which Naruto found somewhat funny, but Sakura's mom and Sakura told him to not embarrass himself telling such corny jokes. Over the night Naruto had spent over, he got to know her family a lot better. He could even see the pink haired ninja got most of her personality and looks from her mother while the only thing she seemed to have gotten from her dad was her lovely pink hair.*

"Your parents are awesome." said Naruto grinning as they cleaned up dinner while Mebuki was on the phone and her father was off to work.

"I wouldn't say that much, but they're alright most of the time." said Sakura.

"I can see where you get your looks from too." said Naruto. "Your mom's pretty."

"Are you hitting on my mom?" she said teasingly while she herself was blushing a little.

"No. You're way prettier." confessed Naruto.

"Uh thanks." said Sakura. The two were quiet for a minute. "Let's get these dishes done. We've gotta get up early to do that thing, you know."

"What? Oh that! Right!" Naruto's mind had went dirty for a split second.

The next morning, they went into Sakura's room and started dialing. Luckily her parents had gone off to do some things in town, so they had the house for themselves today. Their first target was Kakashi. The last times they had called, the ninja wasn't home. Instead were Gai and Pakkun. Today had better be their lucky day.

"Hatake residence." said Kakashi.

"Finally he answers." said Naruto.

"This is Bolse Momolo from Ninja Blip news." said Sakura in a deep voice. "We're hoping to speak to Mr. Hatake Kakashi for an exclusive interview."

"Ninja Blip News?" said Kakashi. "I've never heard of it."

"That's because you're out of the loop." said Sakura. "Our readers have been dying to ask you some hard hitting questions from the famous copy-cat ninja himself!"

"Well I guess an interview wouldn't hurt." said Kakashi. "Just be warned, I can't talk about some things."

"Yes, because you're a ninja and what not. So first question, are you gay?"

Kakashi was quiet for a long time.

"Mr. Hatake?"

"I'm still here."

"Are you gay or what? Nobody's ever seen you with another woman, so either you're too ugly to get one or you're...hello? He hung up."

"That was weird." said Naruto. "We've never been hung up on before."

"Oh well. Your turn."

"I know just who to call!" Naruto dialed Shikamaru's number.

"Nara residence. Shikamaru speaking.

"Hey, Shikamaru." said Naruto as Choji.

"Ch-choji!" he stammered, surprised.

"They must not be speaking." whispered Sakura. Her team mate nodded.

"Just wanted to tell you...I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR THAT!"

"What?"

"You heard me. I used to think that you were the smartest in the whole class and just about everyone else, but you sure proved me wrong!" he laughed.

"E-excuse me? Wait, you're not really Choji are you?" asked Shikamaru.

"I never was." he laughed. "You really thought I was Choji! AHAHA! You should know him better than anyone else, you dumbass! Did you really think he would confess to you? That was hilarious when you tried confessing in the movie theater! That face was priceless!"

"You...you...I WILL KILL YOU!" This made both ninjas jump. "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! I _WILL_ FUCKING KILL YOU, RIP OUT YOUR GUTS, STICK YOUR HEAD ON A SPEAR, AND PUT IT UP A BEAR'S ASS! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I WILL DO IT! I WILL FIND YOU! AAAAARAAGH!"

Naruto hung up the phone. "What the hell?"

"He wasn't serious was he?" asked Sakura.

"I hope not." said Naruto. "I really hope he was talking out of his ass."

"Me too. Alright, my turn." she called Anko.

"Anko here and you'd better not be the jack ass who got me arrested!" she sounded mad. Naruto snickered. Sakura told him to sh. Anko heard. "YOU FUCKERS! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! WHO ARE YOU?"

"You'll never know!" said Sakura in the voice she used last time.

"YOU BASTARD! FACE ME LIKE A MAN YOU COWARD!"

"Never!" said Sakura while Naruto giggled.

"I WILL..." Sakura hung up.

"Let's call the fire temple." said Naruto.

"Do they even have a phone there?"

"Of course they do. They're in the phone book. Even if it's a fake, we can still prank him." he dialed the number.

**MEANWHILE**

"Do I _**have** _to answer the phone?" whined Sora.*

"Yes. It's your turn today." said another monk.

"But nobody ever calls!" he said pouting.

"They do sometimes."

"Yeah when it's a wrong number!"

"Just do this."

"Fine." he sat by the phone for a while. "Man, this is a boat load of bull. Nobody ever calls. Hell even the wrong number calls rarely come."

A few more minutes of waiting, he growled in anger. He was about to sneak off when the phone rang. "Hello. This is the Fire Temple, how can I help you?"

"Hello, this is Avaline. Can I please talk to someone who doesn't sound like a little bitch." said the person on the other line.

"Yeah hold...wait, what the hell did you just call me?"

"You sound like a whiny little bitch." said Naruto while Sakura giggled.

"Listen here you..."

"No you listen. I wanted some spiritual advice from one of you and I find out that they have someone like you living there." said Naruto in disapproval. "Honey, doesn't this little boy sound like a whiny little bitch?"

"He sure does, honey." said Sakura in a southern accent. "And to think I thought highly of those folks over there. He must be some poor little thug they took in out of pity."

"THUG?!"

"Poor thing."

"I..."

"As much as I love charity, I want a real monk on the phone. Preferably one who doesn't have a whiny tone in his voice."

"LISTEN YOU COCK SUCKERS! I..."

"Sora!"

"These people on the phone..."

"I've heard enough. No need to insult people just because you don't like being on the phone." said the monk. "I'm disappointed in you. I thought you could handle a simple task, but looks like I was wrong."

"But they..."

"I don't care about what they did. It's about what you did." he said holding up a hand. "Maybe you can handle cleaning the bathrooms."

"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T...I-I mean...!"

"Sora. Go."

"I fucking hate you!" Sora yelled into the phone before slamming down the phone.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!" Sakura and Naruto burst out laughing.

"That was fun. Hey, we never did check in on Neji." said Sakura.

"Oh right. I nearly forgot about that."

They headed off to the Hyuuga manor. Outside Tenten and Neji were just chilling along with another Hyuuga clan member. The pair headed over. "Hey, Neji. Hey Tenten. What are you guys doing outside?"

"Waiting for Rock Lee." said Tenten. Neji just stood there.

"I'm being guarded because apparently I got some girl pregnant." said Neji.

"And he can't be alone with a girl until he proves he didn't." said the Hyuuga guard.

"I didn't! You should know I wouldn't!"

"I do believe you." he said facing his family member. "But you know what Hiashi said."

"Well he can go stuff it!" Neji said angrily.

"I'm sorry to hear about that, Neji." said Sakura. "Uh so how's Hinata?"

"How should I know?" said Neji looking at Naruto. "She isn't with you."

"What?" the blonde ninja looked confused.

"Wait, you think Naruto and Hinata..." Sakura looked at Naruto and Neji.

"Well she likes you doesn't she?"

"Not anymore..." Naruto mumbled, still not getting it.

"He's talking about romantically." said Sakura.

"What? No way! She..." Sakura looked at him. "...she uh she's not with me like that and I don't like her that way either."

"Well who the...Kiba! I'll bet it's him." the brunette rubbed his chin.

"It's Lee and there's Hinata too." said Tenten looking down the road. Indeed the young Hyuuga member was coming their way with Lee beside her. Lee was talking to her about something and Hinata was nodding. When the two looked up, they waved.

"Hello, Neji-nii-san!" said Hinata smiling at her cousin. "Hello Tenten-san."

"Sorry I took so long." said Lee. "I was doing some push-ups with some weights."

"And Lee-kun and I walked here together when we were both walking this way." explained Hinata.

"Better Lee than whoever you've been seeing." said Neji. "Can we go now?"

"Oh of course. Good-bye Hinata." said Lee before turning to his secret girlfriend.

"Bye Lee-kun." Hinata bowed. "Thank you for walking me home."

She quickly went inside along with the other Hyuuga. Tenten raised a brow and smirked a little, but said nothing and went on with her teammates. Sakura turned to Naruto and was about to say something when Hinata came out. "Naruto, can I speak to you?"

"Uh sure."

"You don't mind do you, Sakura-san?" Hinata asked turning to the medic nin.

"Oh no. Go ahead." Sakura gave them some space by walking a little ways away.

"What did you..."

"Do anything like that again and I'll...I'll...I'll set you on fire!" Hinata said boldly. She went back inside.

"What?!" However she was already inside, leaving him shocked and confused.

* * *

"What did she say to you?" asked Sakura as they walked away from the Hyuuga house.

"She said if I ever did what I did again, she'd set me on fire." he confessed.

"Whoa! Well like they say, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!'" laughed Sakura.

"I never thought shy little Hinata would say something like that."

"Well she is pregnant, so that was a factor there. That and you nearly ruined her relationship with Lee." said Sakura.

"True." he sighed. "Well I'd better get home. Thanks for letting me sleep over."

"No problem. I was a bit surprised you didn't try coming in my room. Thanks for not doing that. Oh and for putting up with my dad and his lame puns."

"Well see you tomorrow!"

"Bye!"

* * *

*They haven't met Sora and Naruto accidentally uses his normal voice, so you can imagine what becomes of that.

**I remember reading that Kishimoto was going to add Sakura's parents, but never got around to doing it. I really wish they had a bigger role. I mean Sakura is the main heroine, so why not include her parents? Hell they probably could have even been like parents to Naruto or something. Maybe they'll be included in the new Boruto series, but probably not. Another thing too, Sarada's hairstyle is very similar to Mebuki's, one of the few apparent things she inherited from Sakura besides her strength (which is just a jutsu although Sakura has been shown to be naturally strong in Part 1 so maybe Sarada has some natural strength in her too). She also has her mom's personality too.


	8. Hot Springs, Kurenai, Asuma, Kisame

"Are you ready to make more calls?" Naruto asked Sakura.

"Heck yeah!" said Sakura grinning. "Come on before Tsunade gives me more things to do!"

Sakura quickly with Naruto to his house for some more prank calling action. Naruto looked at her eagerly. "Okay who's gonna be our next victim?"

"Hm...let's see. Who haven't we pranked yet?"

"Oh! How about the hot springs? I got a good one for that." He called the Hot Springs.

"Hello Konoha Springs. How may we help you?"

Naruto sniffled. "H-hello?"

"Yes, I'm here."

"I-I've got something to c-confess." Naruto said in a deep voice. "I-I-I-I...I TOOK A SHIT IN THE HOT SPRINGS!"

"W-what?"

"I took a massive dump in there! I couldn't hold it!" he whimpered.

"E-excuse me? You took a...you deficated in the springs?"

"Yes. I had to go so bad and it's been haunting me since yesterday! I'm sorry!"

"You're disgusting!" sounded the lady on the phone. "You filthy beast! I can't believe you would be so inconsiderate as to do this to us and the other patrons! Do you not realize how hard it is to clean those things?"

"Well fuck you then! As a matter of fact, I'm coming back this afternoon to finish the job! And you'd best believe it's gonna be the runny kind!" Naruto and Sakura had to hold back a laugh.

"TO HECK YOU ARE!"

"TO HECK I AM! WATCH! YOU'LL SEE ME AT 7:30!"

"FINE! WE WILL!"

"I feel sorry for the fool who's gonna get that blame." said Naruto.

"My turn!" Sakura dialed the phone.

"Hello. Kurenai here." said the raven.

"Kurenai-sensai, it's me." said Sakura imitating Shino.

"Oh hey Shino. What's up? Did you want something?"

"If you're busy, I can call back later."

"Oh no. I'm not doing anything. Besides, I always have time for my team."

"Alright, but this is embarassing...maybe I shouldn't have called you."

"What's wrong Shino?"

"I...I...I LOVE YOU SENSEI! YOU NEED TO DUMP THAT FAGGOT ASUMA! AS IN I'M ASSUMIN' HE LIKES TO EAT MAN BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES! FROM NOW ON I'M CALLING HIM ASS-SUMA"

"What?"

Sakura and Naruto cracked up after hanging up the phone.

"Oh! I have a good idea too!" Naruto started calling guess who?

"Asuma here." said Asuma who had been chilling on his couch.

"Asuma, I've got some terrible news." said "Kurenai" in a mournful tone.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Baby?" Naruto said caught off guard, but then cleared his voice. "Sorry something was in my throat. Anyways, I've got some good news and some bad news."

"What is it?" he said softly.

"I'm pregnant."

"What? That's great news!" said Asuma. "What's so bad about it?"

"It's not your's."

"Oh..."

"And there's more."

"More? What do you mean more?"

"It's someone you know..."

"Jounin?"

"No..."

"Are they a ninja?"

"Yes."

"I can't guess. Just tell me."

"It's...it's...Kiba's."

"KIBA!? Y-you mean _your_ Kiba?"

"Yes. I just couldn't help myself. He's so sexy with that equally sexy voice and those balls! Oh those balls! You should see how hung he was, Asuma! They clank like crazy and the way they slapped against my ass! Oh and that dick of his! Perfection!" purred Naruto while Sakura buried her head inside of Naruto's pillow to muffle her laughter.

"'You're kidding right?!"

"That cock...oh that cock of his was huge! He made me take it like I should have always done! I think when I put it in my mouth, it reached my stomach...oh but that won't change how I feel about you though." said Naruto. "Listen I gotta go. I'll still see you later though, right?"

"I guess."

"Okay bye!"

"Who next?" asked Sakura grinning.

"Let's call Tsunade again!" said Naruto. "Last time Shizune answered the phone."

"Let's do it!"

"Tsunade here."

"Hey there, Miss Big Tits." said Naruto as Jiraiya.

"Jiraiya, is that you?" asked Tsunade sounding a bit irritated. "Drunk call someone else. I'm busy!"

"Yeah, too busy carrying those big meat sacks!"

"What do you want, you fool?"

"I want that ass!" said Naruto. "For years, I've tried to have sex with you and for what? You turn me down for someone else."

"Jiraiya, look..."

"NO YOU LOOK, TSUNADE OR SHOULD I CALL YOU DREAM KILLER?!"

"Excuse me?"

"I bet nearly everybody you meet die by getting hit by those big tits of your's! I bet those things are fake!"

"They are 100% real and...why on earth am I having a conversation with you drunk..."

"Because your brain is smaller than your chest." said Sakura also as Tsunade.

"How can you even call yourself a doctor with a fear of blood?" said Naruto.

"Jiraiya you know..."

"Oh that's right. It's because you killed everybody with your titties you won't let me touch." said Naruto. "I bet the only reason you have a huge chest is so people can't see how big your forehead is!"

Suddenly Tsunade hung up the phone. "Huh. She hung up."

"I wonder if she's going after Jiraiya." said Naruto tapping his chin. "Do you think...?"

"Of course not. Jiraiya's a close friend of her's. The worst she'll do is knock him out or punch him a few feet. She won't do anything like kill him or put him in the hospital. Besides, he's a sannin. He can take care of himself."

"True. Now, who's next?" The two of them sat there and thought it over. "Oh wait! I have a list of the akatsuki member's numbers!"

"Akatsuki? How did you...?"

"Kabuto. He's been selling secrets on the sly ever since Orochimaru, aka us, fired him and I got the akatsuki's numbers!" he waved around a piece of paper.

"For real?"

"Yep...well at least I hope so. If not, just another few people to prank eh?"

"True. Hm. How would we know if it's them or not?" asked Sakura. "I mean the only person we really know of is what Sasori sounds like and he's dead. Then there's that blonde one, Deidara."

"I've actually met two other ones, Sasuke's brother Itachi and his partner Kisame. I'd know their voices anywhere."

"Really? When?"

"Back when Sasuke still lived here." said Naruto. "I don't remember where you were though."

"I see. Hey, couldn't we see and then give it to Tsunade?"

"No, sadly. Kabuto said they have technology there to prevent anybody form tracing them."

"Oh. Well we might as well prank them if it is truly their number." As Naruto dialed the number, something popped up in her head. "This must have cost a fortune."

"Not really. It only cost twenty bucks." said Naruto. "It's only because of them being untraceable. Otherwise I'd have to hand over the nine-tails and you know how that would have ended."

"So that much huh."

"Yep. Okay it's ringing."

"Hello?"

"Oh crap it's Kisame!" whispered Naruto.

"Answer it then!" Sakura hissed.

"Hello?"

"Oh hello there. Is this Hoshigaki?" said Naruto in a disguised voice.

"Yeah. What do you want?"

"I wanted to ask you if you are still able to make it tomorrow at around 3pm."

"For what?"

"To fill the bellies of those attending Miss Misito's charity event of course!"

Kisame was quiet for a minute. "What are you talking about?"

"You know. You wanted to commit suicide and then you saw our ad. Then you..."

"Wait, back up a second. What did you just say?" When Naruto repeated himself, Kisame cut him off before he could continue. "I never wanted to do that."

"What do you mean never? Just last week you called us saying you've had enough of life and if you may as well die, why not go out delicious!"

"What do you mean by delicious?" asked Kisame.

"You wanted us to make you into a pot of delicious shark fin soup! You know because you look like a shark and all."

"I've never said that, so don't call back creep!"

"What?! You mean we invited all these folks over for nothing! You piece of cowardly shit! Bea! He's not coming! Because he's a coward that's why!"

"Aw man." said Sakura. "I really wanted some shark soup. He looked delicious."

"Yeah. Real delicious. I got some potatoes, beets, and the works for this stupid coward and he backs out at the last minute!"

"He must have soiled himself then."

"I didn't soil myself, dumbass, and I didn't agreed to be cooked either!" snapped the blue man.

"COWARD!" shouted Naruto. "And to think I was thinking about how good you were gonna taste."

"I don't give a damn..."

"You know, Bea, they said that shark penis tastes really good simmered in broth."

"Oh I heard that too. I had some good recipes for it too. I heard the testicles smothered in soy sauce and in some gravy tastes really good."

"That does sound good. Too bad we'll never get to taste them. He looked hung too. He would have fed us all for weeks!"

"Months even! Maybe even a year! Come on, Mr. Hoshigaki! Just let us eat you!"

"HELL NO!" said Kisame.

"What about your balls?"

"NO!"

"What about a foot?" asked Sakura.

"NO!"

"One nut! Just one nut!"

"HELL NO!" said Kisame.

"Then a cheek! One butt cheek!" said Sakura.

"NO!"

"Your dick!" said Naruto.

"HELL NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE MY DICK OR MY BALLS OR MY ASS! I'LL TELL YOU WANT YOU CAN HAVE! MY FIST UP YOUR ASS, YOU..."

"I never took you for someone to call a sex line." asked Kakuzu in the background. "Seems like you got the wrong number."

"No, it's..."

"I'll leave you be then."

"No, Kakuzu! Wait...shit. Thanks a lot, pricks." Naruto and Sakura burst out laughing. Unfortunately for them, Kisame hadn't hung up and neither had they. "YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!"

"Oops!" Naruto hung up. "I think that's enough of the akatsuki for one day. No telling if they could track us back."

"True. I have to get homE anyways. Bye Naruto!" Sakura got up and left.

Another great day of pranking done, Naruto thought feeling satisfied as he prepared himself some dinner. Even better they had the numbers for the akatsuki. They were going to have a fun day tomorrow. That is if Ibiki hadn't figured out what Naruto did or the Akatsuki tracked them down for that call.


	9. Tenten, Neji, Pein, Sasuke

"You got your list Sakura-chan?" asked Naruto grinning at his team mate.

"Of course I do." said Sakura feeling excited for another day of pranking. "You go first."

"Alright. I'm gonna call the leader." said Naruto. With a few signs, he turned into Deidara. He dialed the number and waited. Konan answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Leader-sama?" asked Naruto.

"Hold on." Konan called for Pein and soon the man came to the phone.

"What? I hope this important Deidara. You're supposed to be focused on this mission."

"Actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about." said Naruto. "I wanted to tell you that I think you're a dummy head and I'm tired of working for you! All you do is sit on your fat ass all day stealing all the thunder! You're a poopy head and a stinky butt! As soon as I get back, I'm leaving because you suck! I'm flying solo, BITCH!"

"We'll see about that." said Pein. "You're making a huge mistake, Deidara."

"FUCK YOU STINKY HEAD!" said Naruto. "I'm turning snitch and ratting you all out to my village!"

"You traitor!"

"Nah! Nah!" said Naruto. "Catch me if you can, FAGGOT!"

Naruto hung up the phone. Sakura dialed a number and waited. "Tenten here."

"Hey, Tenten." said Sakura in a voice somewhat similar to Neji's.

"Everything alright, Neji? You sound like you have a sore throat."

"I'm fine. I just wanted to say...I love you Tenten." said Sakura. "Your beautiful brown hair, your brown eyes, your sexy body, and your sexy lips..."

"R-really?" Tenten blushed on the other end of the phone. Although they couldn't see her face, they could tell she was flattered. Neji was a very handsome young man and admittedly he was the second most sexiest single ninja in the village with Sasuke around and now the number 1 was handed down to him.

"Of course...but we gotta do something about that ass of your's." said Sakura. "Your ass is flatter than a piece of paper."

"Excuse me?"

"Baby doesn't have back in this case or should I say my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun." said Sakura. "Either get an ass or I'm gonna move on to someone else. Ino's got a nice little ass and so does Sakura. Hell even Hinata has more cake than you. Shit Hanabi does too as well as Lee and my damn uncle! Maybe this was a bad idea..."

"No wait! I-I've got a nicer pair of cheeks. It's just my ninja clothes covering it up!" said Tenten quickly.

"Really? Well then, how about you let me sneak a peek around 9 tonight?" said Neji. "I've been wanting to get to know you better without any distractions."

"Sure!" said Tenten.

"Alright, see you tonight beautiful!" said Sakura with Naruto giggling.

"My turn!" said Naruto. He dialed Neji's number.

"Hello?" It was Hiashi.

"Could I speak to Tenten?" asked Naruto in Tenten's voice.

"Hold on a minute." Hiashi called out to his nephew.

"Hello?"

"Hey Neji." said Naruto in an shy tone.

"Hey, Tenten." said Neji.

"I can't help myself anymore!" said Naruto. "I love you! I love you, Neji! I've never been too sure, but now I am! I love you Neji Hyuuga!"

"Tenten, this is really sudden." said Neji.

"I know. Listen Neji, I know you're gay, but..."

"Gay? I'm not gay!" said Neji. "What makes you think...?"

"Well aren't you secretly involved with Gai-sensei?"

"WHAT?! NO!" said Neji. "Why would you...?"

"Oh wait that's Lee. Never mind that. Anyways, you always keep your hair so nice and long, you've got delicate features like a woman, and you could easily pass for a woman if you wanted to." said Naruto.

"Well I'm not." said Neji.

"If you say so." said Naruto. "Anyways, I hope you'll think about what I just said. Anyways, we're having a meeting at the BBQ place tonight around 9."

"Okay." said Neji. He hung up the phone and rolled his eyes. "Freak."

"Okay and now for...oh no!" said Sakura.

"What's wrong?"

"I uh gotta go." said Sakura looking a bit nervous and uncomfortable. Naruto stared at her for a good minute. She glared at him. "What are you staring at me so hard for!?"

"You can take a dump in my house. I won't tell anybody." said Naruto.

Sakura's eyes got wide and her face turned red. How did he...? She made her hands into fists. "S-shut up! I don't have to..."

Her stomach made a strange noise and she winced. She got up and left as quickly as she could. Naruto shook his head. Sakura didn't have to be embarassed. He wasn't going to tell anyone. He couldn't even if he wanted to anyways. She'd kick his ass later for doing it. Naruto decided to do one by himself. He knew exactly who he wanted to call.

"This is Sasuke." said the Uchiha. Who the hell was calling him?

"Sasuke." said Naruto as Itachi.

"I-Itachi?!"

"Foolish little weakling." said Naruto. "You bed-wetting weakling."

"Excuse me!? You fucker!"

"Damn right I am!" said Itachi. "I've gotten more pussy than your bitch ass ever has. Speaking of bitch assness, I see you're still the weak little runt you were before."

"Where are you, you coward?!"

"Somewhere you're not...on top of the food chain!" said Itachi. "Remember when you used to wet the bed?"

"I was 8! I stopped after that! And I'll have you know I only occasionally do it!"

Naruto burst out laughing. Oh if only Sakura was here to hear this. He was rolling.

"YOU BASTARD! STOP LAUGHING! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Why don't you stop acting like a tough guy and go back to the Leaf Village. Sucking Orochimaru's dick ain't gonna make you any stronger than me." said Naruto. "Maybe you'd win if we were having a cock sucker contest."

"YOU...HELLO? HELLO!?" Naruto had hung up the phone, waited a while, and called back. "Who the hell is it?"

"DEEZ NUTZ!" said Naruto.

"I'LL KILL YOU! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!"

"If you really wanna fight, meet me in the sand village."

"I'LL BE THERE!" said Sasuke.

Naruto shook his head and hung up. Oh boy, he wish he could have seen the look on that asshole's face. Then he realized something. The sand village? Sasuke was either going to tear up the place looking for Itachi or get caught and hauled back to Konoha. What had he just done? If Sasuke was brought back...oh no! No more Sakura! He knew once the Uchiha came back, he'd never see her in private again! She'd always be around Sasuke and then...then...Naruto couldn't let that happen! He quickly called back.

"What?"

"Uh Sasuke you can't come to the sand village!" said Naruto.

"And why is that? Afraid?"

"No! Uh because uh...um...because orange butt cheese?" he wasn't even sure why he even said that.

"Are you drunk or something?"

"I meant..."

"I'm coming for you Itachi! Prepare to get fucked!" said Sasuke.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Naruto screamed.

"The fuck?" Kakashi was peeking in Naruto's window. He jumped and quickly turned into himself. Kakashi raised a brow at his student. Naruto hung up the phone, closed his bedroom window, and closed the curtains. He had a lot of explaining to do.


	10. Gai, Kiba, Kakashi, Tsume, Tobi (kinda)

Guest- It's onesided. It always has been. What evidence do you have that it is NaruSaku?

I forgot to mention LolieG was the one who gave me the idea for Sasuke getting a call from "Itachi" in the last chapter. It was pretty late at night when I wrote the last chapter and uploaded it.

* * *

Naruto was nervous about what was coming up next. He was afraid that Sasuke was actually going to get caught by Gaara and get hauled back to the village. His relationship with Sakura was on the line. Well they weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, but ever since they started this prank calling thing they had gotten closer than they ever had. He didn't want to lose the closeness they had achieved so far with Sasuke gone. If Sasuke came back, Sakura would go back to obsessing over the Uchiha and go back to ignoring him.

He sighed as he kicked a can down the street. Hopefully Sasuke wouldn't be able to go or avoid capture. Sasuke was smart. He'd hopefully get away. Naruto kicked the can harder out of anger. Why did he have to say that shit to Sasuke? He was so stupid.

"Watch where you kick things!" said Shino.

"Oh, Shino! I didn't see you!" said Naruto. In his thoughts he hadn't seen him. Then again he was the one lurking in the shadows.

"Of course you didn't. Nobody ever does."

"You were lurking in the shadows! How the hell was I supposed to see you!?" snapped Naruto.

"Whatever. I need to talk to you."

"What is it?"

"You're gonna get caught or fucked up." said Shino.

"What are you talking about?" asked Naruto.

"You know what I mean." When he gave him a blank look, Shino sighed. "I know you're the one prank calling."

"Huh?! How did you...?"

"I hear everything...well my bugs do at least." said Shino.

"So wait, you mean you've been spying on me?!" said Naruto.

"Not necessarily." said Shino. "Remember when Anko was kidnapped in your apartment?"

Naruto nodded and gulped. Fuck.

"Well my bugs have been listening in just in case by orders of Tsunade." said Shino. "You're lucky I was being informed and not someone else."

"Please don't tell anyone!" begged Naruto. "I'm begging you Shino!"

"I won't, just leave me out of it from now." said Shino. "As well as Hinata. I really don't care if you do Kiba."

"Thanks Shino." said Naruto. "Sakura'd kill me if you told."

"I'll see you later."

Once Shino walked away, he went off to go find Sakura. The pink haired ninja was talking with Ino. Naruto called out to her making her look up. Sakura said something to her best friend before coming over. "There you are. I was looking all over for you. You ready for more pranking?"

"Uh yeah! Sure!" said Naruto forgetting about Sasuke and Shino for the moment. The two headed back while discussing who their next victim was going to be. Suddenly they noticed Hinata with Kiba across the street.

"...and then he practically threatened me!" said Kiba. "What the hell is his problem?"

"It was pretty strange." said Hinata. "Asuma-sensei is usually so nice, especially to Kurenai-sensei. He was acting so cold towards her today."

"Well no need to be rude towards me about it!" he said crossing his arms. "Whatever. As long as he doesn't get in my face again, he'll keep his life and his beard!"

"Sounds like Asuma-sensei confronted Kiba about our little call." said Sakura.

"Yeah. Sounds like he was pretty vague...that or Kiba really did get her pregnant." said Naruto. "Come on, let's go call some more people."

"Right." said Sakura.

Once they were back to the apartment, she called Gai's place. "Hello! This is Might Gai, the youthful blue beast of the Hidden Leaf Village! How can I help you?"

"Hello Gai." said Sakura in a disguise seductive voice.

"Uh hey. Who is this?"

"Your lover for this evening. What are you wearing right now?"

"Uh...a towel."

"Oh did you just get out the shower?" said Sakura.

"Yeeeeeeeees?" Gai had no clue why this woman wanted to know what he was wearing. "Can I help you?"

"Of course you can. By letting me..."

"Us!" corrected Naruto in his sexy jutsu form.

"...us suck on your big, juicy, thick..."

"Wait, is this a sex line!?" said Gai.

"Uh duh!" said Naruto.

"Sorry ladies, but I don't need or want to have sex with you two, no offence. I'm sure you two are lovely, but I can't allow myself to get involved with prostitutes or escorts. I'm not even sure why you called me!"

"Your friend informed us you in the need of a good fuck." said Naruto. "Are you telling me you'd let your best friend and rival's money go to waste?"

"You're not a very good friend!" said Sakura.

"'Wait, is it who I think it is?"

"If you can't figure it out..." said Sakura.

"...then you're pretty stupid." finished the blonde ninja.

After hanging up, they called Kiba. Kiba answered the phone this time around. "Kiba here."

"I saw you talking to my woman today!" said Naruto as Asuma.

"She's my teacher!" said Kiba sounding pissed. "And what's up with..."

"SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT YOU ANYWHERE NEAR MY BITCH, DO YOU HEAR ME?! I'LL KILL YOUR FLEA BITTEN ASS BEFORE I LET YOU TOUCH HER!"

"First off don't you dare call her that!" said Kiba. "Second, she can talk to whoever she wants! Third, I'll touch her if I want to! Fourth, fuck you old man! I don't have fleas and even if I did, at least I don't look like Smoky the fucking bear!"

"Mother fucker..."

"Asuma, please leave him alone." said Sakura as Kurenai. "He's just a..."

Naruto smacked his hand imitating a slapping noise. "SHUT UP, WHORE!"

"HEY DON'T YOU TOUCH HER!" said Kiba.

"I'll do as I please, you bastard!" said Naruto. "This is my ho!"

"You son of a bitch! Don't you dare lay hands on her!" said Kiba.

"Kiba, help me!" Sakura pretended to sob.

"Shut up and go make me a damn sandwich!" said Naruto.

"Kurenai, don't..."

Naruto hung up on him. Sakura dialed Kakashi's number again. Maybe this time he wouldn't hang up the phone. Luckily he answered. "Hello?"

"POP ROCKS!" said Sakura as Kabuto.

"What?"

"BLUE NUTS!" said Naruto as Orochimaru.

"EGG WHITES!"

"CHEESE RIPPLES!"

"NIPPLES!"

"GIANT RAT NIPPLES!"

"Who the hell is this?"

"Lighten up Kakashi." said Sakura. "We're just having a little fun with you."

"We're just having a stupid day is all." said Naruto.

"Orochimaru, do you really want to test my patience? You've already caused enough trouble here!" said Kakashi.

"You're just mad because you can't catch me!" laughed Naruto before coughing up a storm from having to do his laugh.

"You'll never catch us for as long as you live!" said Sakura. "Maybe you should put down that crappy book..."

"...and train instead of beating your one inch dick!" said Naruto.

"Last time I checked, jerking off isn't exactly guaranteed to improve your ninja skills." said Sakura. She turned to Naruto. "Did we get him?"

"We got 'em." snickered Naruto.

"You would know about jerking off considering how busted you two are."

"Who are calling ugly?!" said Naruto.

"You and yo mama." said Kakashi before hanging up.

They just looked at each other before calling someone else.

"Inuzuka residence. Tsume speaking."

"Hello, is this the legendary Tsume speaking?" asked Sakura pinching her nose.

"Duh, I just said that."

"No need to get all huffy miss!" said the pink haired ninja. "We just wanted to make sure we got the right gal."

"Well you've got her. What do you want?"

"I'm Fain Long and I'm here with my associate, Pong Won, and I'm with SAFE."

"Safe? What the heck is that? And could you hurry this along? I've got things to do here."

"We'll be very brief with you. It stands for Stopping Animal Fuckers Everywhere." said Naruto too pinching his nose.

"That's a very justified cause." said Tsume. "I hate sickos like that."

"It is and you're the poster child well woman for our organization." said Sakura in a cheerful voice.

"So you want me to represent you?"

"Yep as a representation of what happens when a family breeds with canines."

"Of course I'll...wait what the hell did you just say!?"

"Your family genes are stemmed from cross breeding right?" asked Naruto.

"I don't know who the hell you people are, but my family DOES NOT have fucking dog genes in their blood!" said Tsume angrily. "'We do NOT fuck dogs and we are NOT part canine despite our features!"

"I find that hard to believe." laughed Sakura. "We all know what that kid of your's does with Akamaru."

"I bet his team joins in on the fun. His sensei already looks like a freak in the bedroom." said Naruto.

"YOU BASTARDS! I WILL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU!"

"Good luck with that, dumbass! That's why your husband left your ass!" said Naruto. Tsume started yelling into the phone and they hung up on her.

"Let's call that Deidara guy!" said Sakura.

"Oh yeah! I wonder if he's back from his mission yet."

The phone rang when this weird voice answered the phone. "Heeeeeelloooooooo?"

"What the fuck is that voice?!" said Sakura.

"Uh hello? Anybody there?" asked Tobi.

"Who the fuck is this?" said Naruto.

"This is Tobi! Deidara's not here right now!" said Tobi giggling. "He's gone on a mission, but when he gets back he's in big trouble! Hee hee hee!"

"Is that your real voice?" asked Sakura genuinely curious.

"Yep! Sounds super cool, huh?"

Sakura and Naruto burst out laughing. Wiping a tear from his eye, he said, "No really, how do you really sound?"

"Uh like this?"

"No really stop and talk in your regular voice." said Sakura.

"This is Tobi's real voice." said Tobi.

"Oh." said Sakura.

"No offense, but your voice sounds stupid." said Naruto. "You'd be better off not talking."

"If I had you as an enemy, I wouldn't take you seriously." said Sakura.

"I don't take your voice seriously right now." said Naruto. "How the hell you'd get in?"

"Well I..."

"You sound like a dork." said Naruto. "Everybody I've come across and seen in the akatsuki sound cool and look cool. Are you sure not like the mascot or something?"

"Nope! I got in after Sasori died!"

"That explains it." said Naruto shaking his head.

"Did you want anything else?" asked Tobi.

"Yeah, tell Deidara we said..."

"DEEZ NUTZ!" said the two in unison.

"Deez nutz?" Tobi was confused. What did that mean? The two hung up the phone giggling.

The two decided to call Sai once more, but decided not to. They hadn't seen their teammate in a while since he attacked everyone and they hadn't spoken to him since he got back either. Both decided that they would wait a while before even attempting to prank him again. They'd give him a few more days to calm down and then call him. Sakura said her good byes while Naruto went into the kitchen to fix himself some food. It wasn't when he got into bed when he realized he still hadn't done anything about Sasuke.


	11. Hidan, Kakuzu, Konan, Sai, Orochimaru

Guest- Do you have an account on the website so we can talk about this more in detail? Otherwise, the only thing I have to say to you is just because they're getting along doesn't mean anything. Two people being nice to each other doesn't mean romance. I won't go into too much detail, but come on now. Your only reason is they're nice towards each other? Come on. That's not a real reason. Just PM me in detail why you think it's NaruSaku or just leave it in a review because what you just said made no sense.

**Thank you all for reading.**

* * *

Naruto was asleep when he heard a knocking on his door. He looked over at his clock. He sighed. It was six in the morning! Who the fuck was at his door at this hour? He groaned as he got out of the bed. "I'M COMING! HOLD ON!"

Naruto put on some pants as the knocking continued. Whoever this was going to get a fist in the face. He put on his clothes and went into the living room of the house. He opened the door and saw that it was DEIDARA. Before he had time to react, the man knocked him out and dragged him off. When Naruto woke up, he was in a hotel room. He could hear a shower going on in the background as he rubbed his eyes. He was hoping it was a dream, but it wasn't. He was scared to death. Then again, this idiot was by himself as far as Naruto knew. His partner had been defeated by Chiyo and Sakura and he assumed that the Tobi guy was his new partner now.

He snuck out of the bag and noticed a phone on the table. Grinning, he instantly grabbed it after making some shadow clones for the blonde man. He called up Hidan of the akatsuki with a plan in mind. Along with their numbers, Kabuto had given him a few extra pieces of info on the various members. All of it was supposively well known knowledge although Naruto didn't know that two of the akatsuki's members were near immortal along with a few other things. Perhaps he was too busy trying to make the best of a situation.

"What the fuck do you want?" asked Hidan in a tired voice.

"My nuts on your chin." said Naruto as Deidara.

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"You heard me, faggot!" said Naruto. "You albino, fuck!"

"Who the fuck is this!? Deidara?!"

"I'm surprised you know my name considering you're the dumbest member we have on account of your pea brain!"

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING PEA BRAIN?! MY ATTACKS REQUIRE STRATEGY! ALL YOU DO IS MAKE BOMBS AND THROW THEM EVERYWHERE! I'D WHOOP YOUR CROSS DRESSING ASS IN HAND TO HAND COMBAT ANY DAY!"

"Prove it then. Of course you're going to fail!"

"You'd better shut your mouth before I give you over to Jashin!"

"MORE LIKE JA-SHIT!"

Hidan was quiet for a minute. "Excuse me?"

"Jashit." Hidan hung up the phone. Naruto wondered if Hidan was planning something for Deidara back at their hideout.

He called Hidan's partner, Kakuzu. "Hello?"

"Hey, Kakuzu. What's up?"

"What are you calling me for, Deidara? You know you're in big trouble with Leader-sama , right?"

"No shit, you old fossil." said Naruto. "I meant every word I said. The akatsuki is lame as fuck!"

"I see to recall you loving being in here."

"I did...but that was before I got offered a pardon and a shit ton of money to rat you ugly bastards out!" said Naruto. "You're the treasurer. Surely you understand."

"I wish I could, but I can't. I know you're young, but the mistake you just made is beyond stupid." said Kakuzu. "I hope the money was worth it for being a dumbass."

"Whatever." Naruto hung up and called Konan.

"Hello?" said Konan as she looked over some papers.

"Let me touch one titty."

Konan sighed. "I can't wait to dispose of you."

Then she hung up the phone. Naruto called up Sai. Surprisingly, Sai sounded like his usual self...not for long though! "Hello, Mr. Artist...OH SHOULD I SAY THE MOST GULLIBLE ASSHOLE IN THE WHOLE WORLD!? AHAHHAHAHAHAHA! I WISH I COULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Sai yelled into the phone making Naruto afraid as he roared in pure anger and hate. He held the sound of things breaking and shouts in the background. It was pretty terrifying to be honest. Naruto hung up the phone and decided to head out before Deidara finished taking a shower...but just one more phone call. He called up Orochimaru.

"Hello?"

"You thought you could just get rid of me, didn't you?" asked Naruto as Kabuto. "Well you thought fucking wrong!"

"Kabuto, what the hell are you talking about?" He sounded confused. "As a matter of fact, where the hell are you? I haven't seen you for weeks!"

"Easy. None of your damn business!" said Naruto.

"What did you just say to me?"

"You heard me, you pale Voldemort lookin' pedobear!" said Kabuto. "I left your bitch ass!"

"Oh really, Harry Potter and why the hell did you? You seemed to be comfortable kissing my ass all day, like the sniveling worm you are."

Naruto was momentarily speechless. "Fuck you too then!"

He heard the shower stopping and quickly hung up the phone. He only had a minute or two before Deidara came out. He quickly left before Deidara could come out. Hopefully the clones would keep him distracted long enough for him to get into hiding.

* * *

Couldn't think of anymore, so this is all I have for now. Hopefully the next one will be much longer.


	12. Karin, Shikamaru, Gaara

Naruto had gotten pretty far when he thought about the fact that he hadn't called anyone back in the Leaf to tell them that he had gotten kidnapped by a member of the Akatsuki and had escaped. Well they most likely knew about the kidnapped part, so really he should have called to say where he was and that he was safe. It was too late now. He also should have asked someone where he was and also get a map. The blonde ninja continued jumping through the trees heading straight, hoping to find a hotel or something so he could find his way back home or at least get to a phone. Everyone had to be worried about him back at home.

"COME BACK HERE, BRAT!" said Deidara from behind him.

"What the...? How the heck did you catch up?!" said Naruto dodging the clay bomb Deidara threw at him.

"That's none of your concern, hm!" said Deidara throwing a few more at him. "Get back in this bag right now!"

"In your dreams, WOMAN!" said Naruto.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!"

"WO-MAN!" Naruto regretted this instantly. Deidara threw a massive bomb at Naruto tossing him a good distance. Naruto of course survived this being the main character...also having been knocked said way farther plenty of times by Sakura herself (minus the explosion part) helped too.

"SAY, THAT AGAIN! I DARE YOU." Deidara had dropped down, grabbed Naruto by the scuff of his shirt, and pressed them nose to nose.

"Sorry, but I don't roll that way so could you please..."

Deidara slapped him. "I'M NOT A WOMAN AND I'M NOT GAY!"

"And neither am I!" Naruto jumped on his back while the shadow clone Deidara had poofed away.

"WHAT THE...!" Deidara tried throwing him off, but failed.

Naruto summoned some more shadow clones to hold him down while he prepared a rasengan. Just as he prepped it up, Deidara had gotten all of them. Just as he turned, he came at him with his attack. Deidara was sent flying backwards and was knocked out after getting sent into a tree. The ninja took off once more, but not before putting the akatsuki member into the sack with his head sticking out of it. Naruto needed to get back home and soon before anybody else in the akatsuki found him. There was no telling which of them would be sent out to help...although judging by what was said on the phone, they'd only be coming for Naruto and not Deidara.

Naruto managed to get on a path he found and ran into a village. He had no money on him and wished he had rummaged the the blonde man's pockets before leaving. He found the hotel in the village and asked to borrow their phone. The little old man who ran the place allowed him to have the phone to use and he wondered who he should call first. Sakura was the first person, but he could imagine what she would do in if he did.

_"Naruto, you stupid idiot!" Sakura yelled. If she could, he was sure she'd be reaching through the phone and slapping the shit out of him. "You should have called Tsunade or Kakashi! Anybody but me! And you tell me you spent all that time away from me..."_

_"Me?" said Naruto sounding a bit hopeful._

_"I uh...PAY ATTENTION, DOOFUS!" said Sakura blushing on the other end._

_"Come on, Sakura. You know you love me." said Naruto. "Just admit it. I feel the same way."_

_"Naruto..."_

_"Sh, don't speak. You don't have to say a word."_

_"Naruto...I do have feelings towards you. I just...I just...I just didn't feel comfortable telling you because you might think I still loved Sasuke. Actually I never did, I only did it because Ino liked him and I was too scared to tell you my feelings."_

_"It's okay." said Naruto. "I understand, but now that you've come out to me about this...how about I take you for some dinner when I come back."_

_"O-of course! I can't wait!" she giggled. She then cleared her throat. "A-anyways, you need to call Tsunade and Kakashi!"_

_"Yeah. See you later, Sakura-chan."_

_"Alright. See ya." Sakura then giggled. "I can't wait to rub this in Ino's face!"_

"Would you please stop gawking at the phone and call?" said the old man wiping down the desk. "You look like you're about to start making out with it!"

"O-oh sorry!" said Naruto blushed, too busy caught up in his fantasies of Sakura after that imaginary phone call. "Sakura" was right. He had to call Tsunade.

Tsunade answered the phone and the blonde ninja had to avoid pranking her. He told her the situation and Tsunade told him she'd send Kakashi, Sakura, and Yamato. Naruto asked about Sai and was told Sai couldn't be trusted to be sent out on the mission. He wondered if it had something to do with the prank call he did earlier. He thanked the man for letting him use the phone and decided to explore the village before leaving. Naruto hated not having any money on him...wait a minute! What was in his pocket? He pulled out some money. Damn. It was only enough to get a room for a night and a few items that might last just a day or two. It would do. He got a room from the old man and purchased some food before heading to his room.

He looked over at the phone and instantly began calling. "Hello, this Karin here."

"Hey, Karin." said Naruto as Sasuke.

"Sasuke-kun!" said Karin in a smitten voice. Naruto rolled his eyes, although to be honest, girls being in loved with him wasn't anything new but it did get old. He wondered if Sasuke felt this way. "Hey! I thought you were headed to the Sand Village and wouldn't be available! I-I mean that's Orochimaru told me."

"I am? I mean of course I am!" said Naruto. Dammit, Sasuke! You'd better not get caught! "I just wanted to call you and tell you something important..."

"What is it? Suigetsu didn't do anything stupid did he?! I swear if he did..."

"No. I just wanted to tell you if anything happens to me, that I love..."

"Oh Sasuke! I love you too and yes I will marry you!"

"What? No! I love Suigetsu and I want you to take good care of him once he comes back."

"SUIGETSU!? THAT BASTARD?!"

"Hey, don't call my man a bastard!"said Naruto. "He's got more ass than you! Don't hate!"

"I've got excellent birthing hips, a sexy ass, and I'm all around sexy!" said Karin. "How could you pick that idiot for a boyfriend?! How could you pick him in general!?"

"It's because..." Naruto then went into great detail about how much much he loved Suigetsu's penis and other things that involved anything sexual, leaving Karin speechless for a moment. When he was through, Karin quickly retorted on what her body had to offer the ninja that Suigetsu couldn't. "But do you have a dick? You can yell about a strapon all you want, but I want some real meat and what _**COMES **_with it if you know what I mean!"

"No, but..."

"I rest my case then. If it makes you feel better, we'll save you a piece of cake from the wedding."

"WEDDING?!" Karin screeched. "Are you serious?!"

"Sorry, gotta go try on dresses now. I'll see you later!"

"YOU'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED IF I CAN HELP IT!" Karin yelled before Naruto could hang up the phone.

After getting over his fit of laughter, he called up Shikamaru. "Hello?"

"Ever find out who pranked you?" asked Naruto as Ino.

"No. I've got a few people, but any of them could be...wait...how did you know...?"

"Uh..."

"INO! YOU DIRTY BITCH!"

"YEAH I DID IT! YOU GONNA DO SOMETHING?!" said Naruto. That wasn't the direction he was going, but what the hey? It worked for him.

"Yes. Yes I am." he said in a calm voice. "I hope you're ready, Ino. You're about to be fucked and hard."

Shikamaru hung up the phone. It made him wonder what he had planned for the ninja. If it happened before he got back, he'd find out about it once he got back. He dialed up Gaara. He answered the phone. "Hello. Kazekage speaking."

Naruto simply farted into the phone very loudly and hung up. He started to call up Ichiraku Ramen when someone was calling his phone. At first he thought it was Tsunade calling, but when he answered...

"I have caller ID." said Gaara.

Naruto hung up again and laid the phone on the table so Gaara couldn't call back. He felt a little stupid for not putting the phone on private or at least not thinking of whether or not Gaara had caller ID. Looks like all he'd have to do was wait until he got to a different hotel or back home.


	13. Hidan, Tsunade (kind of), Asuma

The next day, Naruto gave back his hotel keys and left. He wished he had asked Tsunade for some money since all of his was at home. He had managed to grab himself a free map from a stand and made his way back to the Leaf Village. He couldn't wait to get back home and do some more prank calls with his favorite girl and team mate. He hated to think their prank calling days were over with if Sasuke ever came back. With Sasuke gone, he was able to spend more time with the ninja. If Sasuke got captured those days were over and Naruto would be pushed to the background like before. Well not this time! Sasuke was smart. He'd stay out of the way of any guards or ninja.

Naruto heard something behind him as he was looking over his map. He was about to throw a kunai when he heard his name being called. "Naruto! There you are!"

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto put it away. He was relieved to see her. "You all got here fast."

"Yeah. Sai managed to calm down and get us here." said Sakura. "We're on our own on our way back. You're not hurt are you?"

"Not really. Just starving. That idiot took me in the early morning and I don't have any money on me."

"It must have been pretty scary on your own." said Sakura.

"I was scared shitless!" said the ninja. "If he hadn't been stupid enough to take a shower and leave me unguarded..."

"Well you're safe now." said Sakura looking relieved. "Come on. Let's get you back to Kakashi and Yamato."

He nodded and followed her back to them. He was relieved to see his fellow comrades again. The four set off after Naruto told them about him getting away from Deidara. They continued onward until night fell and stopped at a hotel for the night. Once Naruto was sure the other men were sleeping, he proofed into Naruko and knocked on Sakura's room door.

"Hello? Who's there?" asked Sakura.

"It's me!" When she opened up, he asked if she wanted to do some pranks. She nodded, looked around the halls for anybody before letting him in. Once he turned back into himself, they sat down on the floor and dialed the phone.

"What do you want, faggot?" said Hidan in an irritated tone.

"For you to stop being a little bitch." said Naruto as Deidara.

"I've already got a surprise for your bitch ass when you get back!" yelled the man.

"No thanks. I don't feel like seeing your little pee-pee." giggled Sakura also as Deidara.

"You mother fucker! And I'll have you know that my dick's big! At least 7 inches!"

"Bitch please! You know good and well everybody's dick is MUCH bigger than yours with Kakuzu's dick being the biggest. 12 WHOLE INCHES!"

"12?!" screeched Hidan. "YOU'RE SHITTING ME!"

"Nope. Ask him. I dare you." said Naruto as Sakura giggled.

"OKAY! I'LL ASK KAKUZU!" Naruto and Sakura looked at each other, their eyes widening at each other while biting their lips to keep from laughing.

"O-okay. Do that then!" said Naruto trying his best not to laugh. In the background they could hear someone opening up a door.

"HEY FUCK FACE!"

"What?" said Kakuzu. "I'm not in a good mood, Hidan."

"Whatever, fucker. How big is your dick?"

Naruto and Sakura slapped their hands over their mouths, trying to not laugh as Kakuzu was pretty quiet. Both ninjas wished they could see his face. Kakuzu stayed quiet for a long moment until he asked Hidan to repeat himself. Hidan did so and there was more silence.

"Hidan, are you drunk?"

"NO!" said Hidan. "YOUR DICK IS BIG ISN'T IT! YOU JUST DON'T WANNA TELL ME! LET ME SEE! I'M NOT GAY OR ANYTHING, BUT..."

"Then why the heck do you want to see my penis then, you fool?"

"Because I wanna see how big you are!"

"Well guess what? IN YOUR DREAMS!"

"COME HERE!" They then heard the two men scuffling inside of the room they were in. Kakuzu was telling the man to get off of him and Hidan was yelling about him not showing off his dick. It went on for a good 10 minutes with Naruto and Sakura giggled like school girls.

"HA! Wait...UGH! THAT'S NOT A DICK! THAT'S A FUCKING ANACONDA!"

"AHAHAHAHHAHAAHA!"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING AT!?" yelled Hidan.

"YOU!" laughed Naruto.

"I was lying!" laughed Sakura. "I was just seeing if you would be dumb enough to do it!"

"YOU SICK...HEY! LEMME GO!" yelled Hidan. "Kakuzu, wait no! Deidara..."

The phone was hung up. Sakura called up Tsunade. "Hello?"

"Let me make love to you!" said Sakura as Jiriaya in a seductive voice. "Please. Come over here and be with me! Let me play with them titties!"

"Who is this?" asked Tsunade.

"Jiriaya! Are you stupid or somethin'?" said Sakura as Naruto giggled.

"Okay, Jiriaya...what were you saying?"

"Come over here and fuck! I wanna see your big boobies naked and out and about baby!" said Sakura.

"Mm hm and why do you want to see 'em?"

"Because I wanna titty fuck you!" joined in Naruto in Jiriaya's voice.

"And how would you go about doing it?" asked Jiriaya.

"U-uh! Um!" Sakura blushed with embarrassment while Naruto covered up his mouth.

"You do realize we have caller ID, right?" asked Tsunade. "I suggest you don't do it again."

"Y-yes ma'am." said Sakura before turning back into herself.

"YOU AIN'T DOING SHIT, YOU OLD FUCK!" said Naruto back as Deidara.

"N...Deidara!" said Sakura in a high pitched voice. She had nearly said Naruto's name, but quickly corrected herself.

"LOOK DOWN, YA BIG TITIED BITCH!"said Naruto ignoring Sakura.

"Blocked!?"

"HA! GOT 'EM!" Naruto hung up the phone.

"C-can she call back?" asked Sakura pale in the face.

"Nope!" grinned Naruto. "I blocked out the number this time!"

"This time? You mean..."

"That was back when I was with Deidara and he was stupid enough to shower while he had me without anybody watching me."

"Oh. Man, Lady Tsunade nearly gave me a heart attack. I-I didn't count on Jiriaya be there."

"Do you want to make one more call or..."

"Just one more."

They called up deez nutz and then went to sleep. I'm joking. They called Asuma with Naruto as Kurenai and Sakura as Kiba. "Hello?"

Naruto began moaning sexually while Sakura was saying. "Yeah, you like that don't you, bitch?"

"Kiba?!"

"Oh hey, mother fucker." said Sakura. She then burst out laughing. "Oh wait, that's me! LITERALLY!"

"You bastard! Didn't I tell you to stay away from her!?"

"Didn't I tell you her vagina belongs to me?" said Sakura. "Oh wait! It doesn't matter if I did or not! I'M THE ONE GETTING LAID! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Oh, Kiba! Keep going!" said Naruto holding back a laugh. "I need your cock so bad!"

"Of course!" said Sakura.

"Kiba, you have..." an angry Asuma began.

"Sorry! Gotta go!"

"Oh! I'm about to come!" grunted Naruto his voice cracking a little from trying not to burst out laughing like a nut.

"KURENAI! WHY THAT KID!? I'VE GOT MORE HAIR ON MY BALLS THAN HIM!"

"That's why she's with me! Your nuts look like a forest. I'm surprised you can find your penis in that mess." joked Sakura laughing.

"YOU..." they hung up on him and they burst out laughing. After wiping away the tears from the result laughter from their eyes, they said their good nights and went their separate ways with Naruto heading back into his bedroom. Naruto couldn't wait to get back home to find out the results of their calls, both with Sakura and by himself.


	14. Asuma and Konohamaru

Both Naruto and Sakura were happy to be back home, eager to see how their phone calls affected their village. Naruto wanted to head out, but was instructed to check back in with Tsunade. Luckily it didn't take too long as Naruto didn't have much to say plus he was in a rush anyway to leave as well as Sakura. Once Tsunade gave them permission to leave, both ninjas took off running out of the building, making Tsunade, Kakashi, Shizune, and Yamato wonder where they were going in such a hurry.

They headed to the training fields and found Lee there with Tenten. The brunette was tossing various weapons at different trees and embedding them deep into them, destroying the trees in the process. Lee was telling her to calm down and not to be so aggressive.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING AGGRESSIVE, YOU BOWL HAIRED FREAK!?" snapped the weapon specialist.

"Tenten, I know you do not mean that." said Lee calmly although one could tell he was terrified of her. "I wish you would tell me what is wrong."

"NOTHING! NOW GET OUTTA THE WAY BEFORE I KILL YOU!" She said swinging around a large flail before attacking a tree with it.

"Damn, what's wrong with her?" asked Naruto out of curiosity.

"I don't know. She's been like this for a while." said Lee. "She's scaring me. Sakura, you're a girl. Maybe you should talk with her."

"Uh..." Tenten sent a barrage of ninja stars at a tree turning it into a pile of saw dust. "I don't think I should."

"Come on, please?" begged Lee. "She will not talk to me. Maybe it takes a more feminine touch."

"I-I could try." said Sakura gulping. She wasn't sure her strength could save her from Tenten's perfect aim. She tried asking her what was the matter. She approached the taller teen and cleared her throat. "Um hey Tenten. I couldn't help noticing what you were angry. Everything alright?"

"No! Everything is terrible!" said Tenten turning around to face the shorter woman.

"Neji's a long haired twit and I hate him! Stupid bastard!"

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." said the young woman twirling her kunai. "Just know that Neji's good looks are the only things like-able about him other than his fighting skills."

"Oh." Sakura went back over to the two men.

"What did she say?"

"Nothing much, just that she was mad at Neji and the only things likeable were his looks and his skills."

"That is weird." said Lee rubbing his chin. "Neji said Tenten was a weirdo."

"WHAT!?" said Tenten. "I'M THE WEIRDO! WHERE IS THAT LONG HAIRED DICK!?"

"Tenten, calm..." Lee had a large dirt clod thrown thrown at his face knocking him over.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! NEJI!" Tenten took off running.

"Oh my gosh, Lee!" Sakura was quick to get by his side. She'd hit him real hard and knocked him out. She dusted the dirt from his face. "She knocked him out!"

"Damn!" said Naruto. "Remind me to never make her mad!"

Who knew Tenten had a bigger temper than Sakura and Tsunade? Hell she looked scarier than both women. Sakura took Lee to the hospital while Naruto went off to get Hinata. He found the Hyuuga with Kiba and Shino in another section of the training fields.

"...then we get his ass." said Kiba to his team.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Kiba." said Hinata. "Asuma-sensei is much stronger than all three of us."

"We have something he doesn't." grinned Kiba. "Hinata!"

"M-me?" she asked wide-eyed. "W-why?"

"Easy. You have the byakugan and..."

"Leave her out of this." said Shino. "While you're at it, leave me out of it."

"What?! You're pathetic, Shino!" said Kiba. "I can't believe you won't help me! I need someone to help me take out that bastard."

"This is between you and Asuma, not us. You're on your own."

"Man, this is some bullshit!" said Kiba growling. "Hinata, come on! Help me out here!"

"I can't Kiba!" said Hinata. "I know he hasn't been the niciest to you, but..."

"So you're going to let my ass get kicked by a jounin!"

"She's pregnant, in case you've forgotten dumb ass." said Shino.

Naruto decided to stop listening in and just go tell Hinata about Lee. "Yo!"

"Hey, Naruto. Nice to see you alive and not dead." said Kiba.

"Yeah. I got lucky. Anyways I came to get Hinata." said Naruto.

"Why?"

"She needs to get to the hospital."

"Did something happen?" asked Hinata looking worried.

"Well uh you know who got hurt and..." Hinata didn't give Naruto time to answer as she bolted off towards the hospital. She must have known it was Lee somehow.

"You mean, Hinata's boyfriend?"

"You know who it is?" asked Naruto curious.

"No, who is it?" asked Kiba. "She won't tell us. Something about it being a secret."

"Can't tell. I promised I wouldn't." said Naruto. "So uh I couldn't help but to hear about your problem with Asuma."

"That bastard!" said Kiba frowning at the name. "That punk thinks I'm messing around with Kurenai and I'm mistreating her! Can you believe that? I don't even like her like that! I think he's just jealous I look better than him!"

"What are you going to do about him?"

"Rough him up for threatening me." he said punching a tree. "You in?"

"No way!" said Naruto holding up both of his hands. "I'm not fighting a damn jounin! You're crazy!"

"Come on, we could take him if it's all three of us."

"Two." corrected Shino. "I told you I'm not helping."

"Fuck you too, then!" the brunette shouted at him as he walked away. "Damn it. Okay two of us."

"I don't feel like getting my ass kicked and then getting in trouble with Tsunade."

"Good point...okay how about we prank his ass so hard, he'll never talk shit to me again?"

"Prank?" Naruto's ear twitched.

"Yep." grinned Kiba noting Naruto's love of pranks. "We stink bomb his house."

"I'm in...but don't tell Sakura. She'd kill me."

"My lips are sealed. Come on. Let's get started on one."

After leaving the training fields, Naruto and Kiba made the perfect stink bomb for Asuma to walk into as well as Kiba decorating the man's house with garbage. Naruto figured that wasn't necessary, but he didn't care. If Asuma wanted to act like an ass, Kiba'd treat him like one and expose him to shit. Literally. Kiba had dug through dumpsters and trash cans for diapers full of shit. Naruto didn't know how Kiba did it given his strong sense of smell, but he guessed that the drive for revenge was much stronger. While Naruto set up the stink bomb, Kiba had replaced his food, drinks, soaps, and even his bed with garbage. After getting set up, they set up a camera and waited. They waited nearby for Asuma to walk in for a couple of hours, neither talking. Well Naruto tried to talk, but Kiba either wouldn't talk or he would snap at the teen shut up so he wouldn't miss him. By night fall he finally came home and with Konohamaru. Naruto started to head over and pull him away, but the canine-like teen stopped him. It was much too risky to do anything. Asuma took out his keys, unlocked the door, and then...BOOM! Asuma went flying with a trail of a stink smoke behind him while Konohamaru was coughing as the stink filled the air. Kiba burst out laughing along with Naruto.

"TAKE THAT, OLD MAN!" shouted Kiba towards where Asuma flew. "Damn that was great and I got it on video. Thanks, Naruto."

"No problem." grinned Naruto giving him a thumbs up. After parting ways, the blonde ninja found that it was too late to go prank calling, but hey, at least he got a prank in.

* * *

Next chapter will have prank calls in it.


	15. Inoichi, Asuma, Yamato, Sai

Sakura was the middle of healing someone when Ino ran into the room. "Sakura!"

"Ino, what's wrong?" asked Sakura looking worried. "Did something happen?"

"Yes!" said Ino excitedly. "It's Sasuke!"

"S-sasuke?"

"Yeah! He's been sited heading towards the Sand Village and Tsunade's sending us to go get him."

"Us? You mean..." Sakura didn't like where this was going.

"So finish up here and head over to Tsunade-sama's office." said Ino before disappearing.

Did this mean they were sending out both teams to get Sasuke? It didn't matter. She had to finish up here and run over as fast as she could. After healing the man and sending him on his way, she hurried off to the hokage's office. To her pleasure, they were all being sent to retrieve Sasuke along with Team Asuma. Sakura wasn't going to let this chance go to waste getting Sasuke back. She wasn't going to fail this time! Naruto meanwhile felt like crying as Tsunade told them what was going on. He couldn't come back! He couldn't! He was going to lose Sakura forever now! Damn Sasuke for being spotted!

"Something wrong, Naruto?" asked Asuma as they were leaving out of the office

"Huh? Oh yeah, great." said Naruto rolling his eyes. "I can't wait."

"You don't sound very happy." pointed out Asuma.

Naruto just shrugged, not saying another word. As they continued on their journey, he looked back over the fond memories of his pranking calling adventures with the pink haired ninja. All of it coming to an end because of that stupid idiot. Naruto didn't want him to come back. Sakura wasn't going to hang out with him anymore and Sasuke wouldn't get on the action because he knew he'd say it was childish. There was only one thing to do now.

"Sakura, can I ask you something?" said Naruto as they were getting check in the hotel.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Do you wanna...um...do a couple of prank calls with me?" he asked nervously. When Sakura said yes, he breathed in relief. So she hadn't completely quit just yet. Now how to do it was the problem. Naruto couldn't do it in his room because he was sharing a room with Choji and Ino was with Sakura. They decided to just sneak into a different room and make prank calls. Naruto didn't know Sakura was that sneaky, but he didn't mind. He loved this side of her.

Once dinner was over and everyone was sleeping, Naruto snuck out and met Sakura. She had stolen...no, borrowed one of the keys from the hotel manager. They disguised themselves as a random couple and went inside of a room together. Once settled inside, Sakura and Naruto sat on the bed with the phone between them to make phone calls. She called up Ino's father giggling as she did so.

"Hello?" asked her mother.

"Can I speak to Inoichi?" said Sakura in a deep voice. "It's an emergency!"

"Inoichi! It's for you!" they could hear her shouting. "It's an emergency!"

After a short while, the man came to the phone. "I'm here. What's up?"

"Inoichi, thank goodness you're here! I've got a real dilemma here and they said you're the only one I can count on!" said Sakura in an urgent voice.

"I'll help as best I can."

"Are you willing to do anything?"

"Anything."

"I need to revive my clan and the only way to do that is to have sex with that sweet piece of ass of your daughter's."

Inoichi got quiet for a minute. "Excuse me?"

"You daughter is freakin' hot as hell!" said Sakura. "I need to smash that before anybody else does. What do ya say? Wanna help me get laid?"

"Let's get this straight. You're calling me, to ask can you...have sex with my kid." said Inoichi sounding like he wanted to throw up.

"Yep. So can I?"

"HELL NO! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!"

"Someone who needs to bone your daughter." she said in a matter of fact voice. "Come on, man! She's hot! Can you blame me for wanting to stick my dick in that?"

"YOU CREEP! DON'T YOU DARE GO NEAR MY DAUGHTER!"

"Fine! What about your wife then? She got that ass from somewhere." snickered the ninja.

"You bastard!" she could tell the man was trying to keep from going on a rampage. "You stay away from my daughter!"

"Kiss my ass and share!"

"Come say that to my face!" growled the man.

"Okay then. Meet me at the training fields right now! I'll fight to do your daughter **and **your wife!"

"It's on!" he hung up the phone.

They called up Kurenai with Naruto as Kurenai. It took a while for Asuma to answer, but they were ready. "Hey?" he asked in a groggy voice.

"Asuma, it's me." said Naruto in a serious voice.

"Hey, Kurenai. About yesterday..."

"Save it. I'm done with you." said Naruto. "I'm tired of your sex moves, I'm tired of your not adequate dick, AND I'm in love with Kiba. We're fucking through."

"But...!"

"SAVE IT!" said Naruto. "I don't want hear it!"

"Please baby! I can change!"

"You wanna change? You really wanna change and not lose me forever?"

"YES!"

"Sensei, I'm trying to sleep!" groaned Shikamaru in the background.

"Shut up!" he yelled back at him.

"I'll tell you what to do." said Naruto. "Shave your head bald, get rid of that beard, and as a matter of face, shave everything! Just everything!"

"Right! Anything else?"

"Tell him to paint his fingernails pink and his toenails yellow." whispered Sakura.

Naruto told him this as well as to put on neon green lipstick and change his name to One Punch with his last name Man. Sakura snickered as they continued their ridiculous demands. Naruto wanted him to randomly shout "Supreme Booty Cream" every 10 minutes, say "action" at the end of every sentence, swing his hips like a seductive woman (or any woman in general depending on who it was), and he had to wear tight shirts that displayed his erect nipples.

"...and if you don't do these demands, I will break up with you for good." finished Naruto. "Even if anyone else begs and pleads not to do those things, you will **_not_ **stop doing those things and I will know if you do stop!

"Okay. I will. I don't want to lose you." said Asuma.

"Can't that wait until morning?" asked Shikamaru.

"Shut it!" hissed his sensei.

"Keep doing what I've asked and you'll live. I mean I won't leave you."

"I-I will. I love..." Naruto hung up the phone.

"Who next?" asked Sakura eagerly.

"Oh! How about Yamato?" asked Naruto with a mischivous grin on his face.

"Oooooh!" said Sakura. "I got a good one!"

She transformed into Sai and got onto the phone. "Yamato here. How can I help you?"

"Hello, Captain Yamato." said Sai.

"Ooh um hey Sai. Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes, actually I really wanted to tell you something." Sakura said shyly.

"What is it?" asked Yamato curious as Sai had been violent and moody ever since that rampage he went on not too long ago and an even bigger one a few weeks back. To hear him speaking in this voice made him wonder.

"I-I-I...I-I'm in love with you." said Sakura.

"Excuse me? You mean in a platonic way, right?"

"N-no! I love you!" said Sai. "Like I want you to stick your pee-pee in my boom-boom!"

"My...this is a joke, right?"

"No! Come over here and put it in!"

"Sai, I'm not gay." said Yamato. "And to top it all off, I don't like you like that. Only as a friend or student."

"I'll teach you!" said Sai. "I'll teach you real good!"

"Sai, don't you dare go doing anything crazy!" said Yamato. "I'm pretty sure there's other fish in the sea. No need to..."

"I rather rape you first."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME!?" Sakura hung up the phone and the two burst out laughing. Naruto called up Sai.

"Hello?" asked Sai sleepily.

"Your art sucks." said Naruto as Yamato.

"Don't make me hurt you!"

"Do it then!" said Naruto laughing. "I'm stronger than you."

"I'm not afraid to aim to kill." snarled Sai.

"You can't fight for shit with those stick arms!" said Yamato. "You need to use your shitty drawings to fight!"

"I don't need my art! I can defeat you with my bare hands!"

"Bring it then, you pale goat!"

"YO MAMA!" Sai slammed the phone down.

"What an idiot!" laughed Naruto.

"I hope Yamato beats the crap outta him!" said Sakura.

"Me too." said Naruto.

"I think that's enough for tonight." said Sakura getting up and stretching. "We have to be ready to head out to get to the Hidden Sand Village."

"Right." said Naruto sighing. Sakura didn't seem to notice how upset the ninja was as she got the key and the hotel phone number list and headed out of the room. Naruto wanted to ask her if they would ever prank call again, but decided to keep his mouth shut. He already knew the answer. Once they got closer, he'd never get her alone again. As he settled into bed, he looked back on the fond memories he had of Sakura and their prank calling adventures.


	16. Kisame, Itachi, Asuma

As they traveled on, Naruto wasn't talking very much which was odd for him considering he was a blabber mouth. Kakashi was the first to notice this and asked if there was something wrong with him only for Naruto to just shrug it off and say nothing was wrong. Of course his teacher called bullshit, and told him to tell him what was the matter.

"I thought you were ready to get Sasuke back?" he asked. He noticed the hurt look on Naruto's face. "You don't want him back, do you?"

"I do, but..." he stopped himself from saying anymore. He couldn't let his teacher know about his pranking with Sakura. "I don't know. Don't worry about it, alright?"

"Naruto..."

"Just drop it, okay?" he walked up ahead.

Naruto's silence continued to the point where the others noticed it. Ino thought it was a great change of pace while Sakura was more concerned about him. Naruto was never this quiet unless something was wrong. Was he worried about not catching Sasuke or was it something else bothering him. While they were getting ready to settle down for the night, she asked to speak to him. Naruto told her that he was busy and would talk later.

"Oh and what are you busy doing?" she asked crossing her arms. When he didn't answer her, she kept talking. "Listen, I know something's bothering you and I want to know what's wrong."

"It's nothing."

"Naruto, tell me what's going on." asked Sakura. "I'm worried."

"Okay, fine. I'm just a little upset that once we get Sasuke back you wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore."

"Where did you get that idea from?"

"Well you're always so quick to want to please him. Remember when you let your hair grow out just because you heard some stupid rumor he liked girls with long hair even though you didn't even know was true or not? Or how you'd always ignore me because you'd rather be around him? I really like hanging out with you, but I know once Sasuke comes back it'll be like it was before. I'll be ignored and you'll be all over him again."

"Naruto, I didn't realize you felt this way." said Sakura sitting next to him. "I guess I never thought about it like that. I'm sorry if you feel that way. I like spending time with you too. Just because Sasuke's coming back doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing pranks with you. They're too much fun!"

"R-really?" he looked up at her surprised. "You mean you still wanna do them even when we get Sasuke back?"

"Of course, ya dummy!" said Sakura playfully. "I mean we're still gonna keep it a secret though. I mean do you know much trouble we'll be in if anybody knew? _**We'd **_be the ones on the run then."

"True." he nodded in agreement.

"Now stop all your moping around." said the pink haired ninja. "While we're on this mission, I'm gonna need you on your A game. And if you think you're up to it, try and come up with some people we can call up."

"Yeah. Thanks, Sakura."

"No problem. After all we are a prank calling team." she said putting out a fist."We'll work on the name latter."

"That's alright. I like it." said Naruto grinning as he fist bumped with the young woman. She went back over to Ino leaving him back to himself. Naruto was much happier knowing Sakura would still do this with him. Now to come up with a list of people he wanted to prank with his partner in crime.

* * *

While in the Sand Village and they were to head out in different directions to watch out for Sasuke, Naruto was ready for Sasuke. He was expecting Itachi so he may as well get ready to turn into him once he saw him. Once night hit, Naruto wished he had been spending the day doing prank calls, but he knew if he got caught everyone'd kick his ass. He itched to pick up a phone and call up more victims and had to constantly remind himself he had to look out for Sasuke.

As luck would have it, he saw the ninja. Finally! He saw a red haired girl after him and he listened to their conversation. "Sasuke, slow down! I really need to talk to you!"

"Karin, I have to find Itachi." said Sasuke and from his tone he didn't feel like dealing with her.

"But this is important!" she said grabbing his arm as he tried walking away.

He whirred around, fury evident on his face. Back when they were kids, Sasuke almost always had that same blank look on his face and it was often hard to tell what he was thinking with such a look. It wasn't very often when Sasuke bothered showing any emotion. The look he had on his face was a look of pure rage, a face of a killer and it made Naruto grow chill just looking at him despite him aiming it at the red head.

"What the fuck would you know about something being important?" he growled. "He murdered our parents and hour whole fucking clan! What could you possibly have to say that's so fucking important that it can't wait for me to find the bastard and kill him?!"

"Well no need to be rude, Sasuke!" said Karin fiddling with her glasses and trying not to show fear although it was pretty obvious she was scared of him in that moment. "It sure as hell is!"

"Then spit it out and get out of my face!"

"Are you marrying Suigetsu?" Sasuke was quiet as he stared at her with a blank expression. "Well are you? Come on, spit it out! I gotta know!"

"You have 5 seconds before I kill you." he said calmly.

"What the hell did you just say to me?!" she screeched.

"Waste of time. Waste of fucking thought." Sasuke mumbled as he walked away.

She tried walking after him, demanding if she was indeed getting married. This proved to be an awful idea as Sasuke whipped out his sword and hit the teen in the side of her head, knocking her into the wall of the alley, and she collapsed. He put it away and walked off. Naruto felt bad for her, but at least he had a scabbard over his sword when he hit her. He jumped down and cheeked her to see if she was breathing. She was alive, just knocked out. He looked around and then quickly drew on her face before sneaking after Sasuke.

Sasuke continued onward and Naruto got a sneaky thought. As soon as Sasuke headed into another alley, he screamed out "BED WETTER!" while he was Itachi.

Sasuke whirled around, a murderous look on his face. Naruto gulped, but stood his ground. As soon as this was over, it was prank calling time and the only way to do that was to turn into Itachi to attract his attention. "Yeah I said it. Sasuke Bedwetter Uchiha."

"ITACHI!" growled Sasuke. "You fucker!"

Naruto turned around and slapped his ass. "Kiss my ass, you bed wetting crybaby! I'm gonna kick your ass and then tell Kisame how I beat it and how you cried like a little bitch!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Sasuke running towards him at full speed with a huge chidori all set and ready to go.

"Oh shit!" Naruto took off running, praying he'd see Asuma or Kakashi or anybody.

Naruto hauled ass as fast as he could, but Sasuke wasn't a slow poke. He was fueled by rage and was mere inches behind him. "GET BACK HERE YOU COWARD!"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" screamed Naruto beyond terrified at this point. Why hadn't he begged Sakura, Ino, or Choji to back him up?

Sasuke caught up with him and sent him flying into a nearby wall. When he fell on his ass and then on his back, he saw Sasuke running toward him with a sword, scabbard not included. The ninja screamed like a little girl until he saw someone kick him.

"K-Kakashi?" said Naruto.

Kakashi fought the Uchiha and soon Asuma appeared. Kakashi and Asuma had taken down the Uchiha and tied him up afterwards. He had just barely got on his feet when he felt himself being just about flattened when Choji slapped a hand over him, knocking him out and grabbing him. When he woke up, he found himself tied to a tree along with Sasuke. His mouth was covered up and he was trying to say something despite this.

"Kakashi, thank god you found me." said Naruto. "Sasuke was about to kill me!"

Kakashi stared him with an unreadable expression although the other's were pretty clear they disliked him. He remembered he wasn't Itachi and turned back into himself. "Oh right. I forgot I was Itachi."

"How do we know you're the real Itachi?" asked Asuma.

"Oh right. I know that Hinata's pregnant."

"Yeah right." said Kakashi.

"She is." said Asuma. "Kurenai told me she was."

"Really? That's shocking." said Kakashi. "Okay. I'll untie you."

As he untied him, Naruto noticed the furious look Sasuke was giving him. Now that Sasuke was back, it was time for more prank calls. Once they got back to the Hidden Leaf, Sasuke was taken away to be questioned while the others were dismissed. Sakura wanted to speak with him along with Naruto, but with Sasuke throwing a temper tantrum and trying to attack Naruto they were told to wait until he calmed down and to come back later.

"I can't believe we got him." said Sakura. "Well you, Kakashi-sensei, and Asuma-sensei got him. How'd you find him?"

"I uh...well it's about time I told you the truth." he told Sakura about him prank calling him and drawing him to the sand village, leaving out that he insulted him

"Well I'm glad it turned out great and we got him back. I'm also glad he didn't kill you while you were dressed up like Itachi. That was pretty risky."

"Yeah, but I'd risk anything to make you happy." said Naruto blushing.

Sakura turned almost as pink as her hair as she then lightly pushed him. "Don't go saying stuff like that. You shouldn't go around trying to do stuff like that and get yourself killed just to please me even if we are friends."

"I know you'd do the same for me. After all, we are more than team mates. We're pranking partners for life."

"We are, aren't we?" she smiled. "All the same, don't do anything like that again. Who am I going to prank call with? Besides, I'd miss you. I've got Sasuke, but let's be serious. He wouldn't want to and he probably wouldn't be as good as you. Don't tell him I said that."

'Did she just admit there's something Sasuke's lame at?' thought a shocked Naruto. 'Ha! In your face, Sasuke!'

"So, did you even think of who you wanna call?" asked Sakura. "I wanna call Ino's dad again. I wonder how long he was at the training fields waiting on someone. Pretty sure no ones out there that late alone."

"I feel bad if a guy did show up by himself." said Naruto.

"Me too. Who do you wanna call?"

"I'm thinking about Kisame. I got a good one for him."

The two went into his apartment and called up Inoichi who answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Missed me, cupcake?" Sakura said in a cocky voice while suppressing the urge to laugh.

"I saw you didn't show up last night." said Inoichi. "I waited for you for 4 hours

"I had stuff to do that I forgot about." laughed Sakura. "How's it feel to not get what you want? Oh boy I wish I could have seen the look on your face while you were standing there for hours. I bet you looked like an idiot."

"You dirty bastard. Be a man and fight me!"

"Fine, tomorrow at 5:30 pm sharp." said Sakura. "I **_will_ **be there."

"You'd better be, you little punk."

"I will you old fart." once Sakura hung up the phone, she had a mischivous look on her face. "Hey, Naruto. You wanna head to the fields tomorrow and use your shadow clones to mess with Inoichi?"

"Oh yeah and let's bring some popcorn." said Naruto. This was gonna be hilarious.

Naruto called up Kisame. "Hello? Kisame here."

"Kiiiiiiiisaaaaameeee!" said Naruto in a high pitched whiny voice as Deidara.

"Deidara, are you drunk again?" asked Kisame. "Wait, why are you even calling me? You're already in deep shit."

"I just wanted to call you and tell you that I love you." said Naruto. "I always thought you were cute. FOR A WEASEL FUCKER ANYWAYS."

"A we-...are you implying that I fucked Itachi? Long day in hell! Even if I did like him, pretty sure Itachi's straight or at least asexual."

"Who's that Kisame?" said Itachi who was coming into the room.

"It's just Deidara being stupid."

"I LOVE YOU! GET AWAY FROM MY MAN!" screamed Naruto.

"Idiot." Itachi said shaking his head.

"I hear that! THAT'S WHY I HEARD YOU SUCKED YOUR THUMB LIKE A LITTLE BITCH UP EVEN WHEN YOU WERE A 13 YEAR OLD ANBU!" Itachi could be heard choking on something in the background. Kisame on the other hand was trying not to laugh. Itachi recovered and told him to shut up.

"Looks like the secret's out." said Kisame snickering.

"Keep talking and I'll make your death as painful as possible." growled Itachi.

"Oh my gosh, he's an actual thumb sucker!" snickered Sakura.

"And for your information, I stopped when I was 5." said Itachi.

"He's going to die. May as well tell him you only just stopped last year when I fond the perfect way to keep your finger out of your mouth. I rubbed dango on it and he bit the shit out of it. He cried like a baby for a solid 5 minutes."

"Kisame, I warned you!"

"Catch me, if you can thumb sucker!" laughed Kisame evilly as he moved away from the phone. Itachi's footsteps followed behind him and a few seconds later he came back.

"I'm killing you myself when you come back." hissed Itachi.

"Who knew someone as cool looking as Itachi would suck his thumb?" laughed Naruto.

"Let's see if Asuma-sensei did what we asked!" said Sakura.

"Oh yeah! I can't believe I nearly forgot." said Naruto. He dialed up Asuma's number.

"One Punch Man speaking, action." said Asuma.

"Oh crap, he did it!" she snickered.

"Hey, I see you did as I've told so far." said Naruto as Kurenai. "Have you done the other parts?"

"Not yet, action." he sighed. "I'm shaving my head right now."

"Eyebrows?"

"Gone, action."

"Beard."

"Gone as well, action."

"Good. Now hurry up and go outside and begin saying 'Supreme Booty Cream' in a high pitched voice while in a man thong kind of like what Tarzan wears and you have to dance." said Naruto while Sakura snickered. "Oh and I want it done in 15 minutes outside of the ramen shop and you have to keep it up for an hour."

"K-kurenai, that's a lot of things you want me to do, action." said Asuma. "I dunno if..."

"I bet Kiba'd do it."

"I'll be there in 5, action." said Asuma before hanging up.

"I'll go make the popcorn." said Sakura.

"I'll get the camera and drinks." said Naruto.

The two grabbed their buckets of popcorn and cold sodas. They headed over to the Ichiraku Ramen. Sure enough the man was dancing around in a Tarzan style thong while being balder than Calliou and he had no eyebrows, pink fingernails, and yellow fingernails. People were laughing, taking pictures, and all around having a grand time watching him make a fool of him.

"Who's that idiot?" asked Ino who had shown up at the scene with Choji and Tenten.

"This is great." laughed Choji chewing his chips. "What a boozo!"

"Popcorn?" asked Naruto and Sakura

"Don't mind if I do." said Ino grabbed some of Naruto's popcorn while Tenten grabbed some of Sakura's. They all watched as Asuma continued dancing until some ninjas tried getting him out of the area. He danced away from them every time they tied grabbing him.

"Come on, dude! You can't do this! You're disturbing the peace!" said the female ninja as she tried grabbing his arm.

"Yeah and you look stupid." said the male ninja.

"I'm not losing my woman, action! SUPREME BOOTY CREAM!" said Asuma.

"Huh? Is it just me or did he just sound like your sensei?" asked Tenten as grabbed more popcorn.

"I thought I was just hearing things." said Ino.

"It does look like him except bald." said Choji.

"Are you drunk, sir?" asked the woman.

"GET OFF OF ME, ACTION! I'M NOT LOSING MY WOMAN, ACTION! SUPREME BOOTY CREAM!"

"Asuma, what the hell are you doing?!" asked Tsunade.

"OH MY GOSH!" said Ino slapped her hands over her mouth. "It is him!"

"How embarrassing!" Tenten snickered.

"Good thing Shikamaru isn't here to see this." said Choji as more ninjas showed up to restrain him as he started to fight back. "I mean not that I'd care."

"Things between Shikamaru and Choji have still been rocky." said Ino. "He's been acting kind of funny towards me too. I wonder why."

"SUPREME BOOTY CREME!" yelled Asuma backhanding Iruka who had been randomly walking by. He ran off with a bunch of ninjas running after him.

"It's official. Our sensei has completely lost his mind." said Ino.

Just then a bucket of shit landed on Ino, getting all over her body, missing her comrades. Ino screamed after standing in shock and horror of being covered with shit. They heard a voice above them and looked up. On the building above them was a smirking Shikamaru. "Karma's a bitch, ain't it? Enjoy the smelly shit courtesy of my ass."

"Y-YOU...YOU...YOU BASTARD! I HATE YOU!" she ran away to go take about 30 showers and plot her revenge. Nobody dared to laugh either. Shikamaru jumped down and coolly lit a cigarette.

"You do realize her dad's gonna kill you as well as your dad right?" said Naruto as he smoked it.

"Does it look like I care?" asked Shikamaru. He looked Choji up and down, blew smoke in his face before kissing him, and then walking off.

"So uh...anybody wanna go get lunch?" asked Tenten trying to fill up the awkward silence.

"I'm in." said Choji, his love of food ignoring what happened before.

"While we're eating, let's watch the recording." grinned Naruto.

The four ninjas then headed off to the nearby BBQ restaurant and enjoy themselves and try and make sense of what the hell just happened today. Unknown to them, Sakura and Naruto knew actually what was going on.


	17. Hiashi, A, Tsunade

Just 2 more chapters after this and then a sequel like I've mentioned before. All pairs will be mentioned at the end of the story that will be present in the sequel. Thank you all for favoriting, following, and for reviewing. By the time this is up, the other chapters will be released a day at a time.

* * *

Naruto knocked on the Haruno household door and waited eagerly for his team member. The two hadn't had time to make calls as of late due to mission after mission being piled onto them, Sakura doing hospital work, them attempting to visit Sasuke who refused to speak to either of them (Naruto was given a dirty look every time though) and Naruto with his constant training schedule with Kakashi, Yamato, Jiriaya, Killer Bee, and by himself. Now that he finally had a break from all that work, he wanted to spend his free time with Sakura. This is if she wasn't busy.

Mebuki answered the door. "Hello, Naruto. Are you looking for Sakura?"

"Yes ma'am." said Naruto. "Is she busy?"

"She's washing dishes, but I guess it'll be alright if you and her go hang out together."

"Thanks! Can you go get her please?"

"Sure. Oh and Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"I want her back by 9, okay?"

"Uh sure." she went into the house to go retrieve her only child.

Sakura was happy to both get out of doing the dishes and doing more prank calls with her team mate. Both of them hadn't been doing much of them lately due to their ninja duties and their attempts to talk to Sasuke. She had tried going alone and he wouldn't even look at her. The only person who had even gotten even the slightest response out of him was Naruto and that was only to try hurting him. Not even Tsunade could get him to talk and that was something Sakura thought was impossible. She had needed something to cheer her up and prank calling was the way to go.

"I can't wait to get started!" grinned Sakura pumped up about making some more calls. "I've made a huge list of people I wanted to call up, but I've haven't really gotten the chance to with all this extra stuff going on. I would have done it by myself, but honestly it's a lot better with you."

"You mean you got scared every time you called." said Naruto teasingly.

"Oh please. It's just easy when you have someone to bounce off of...but yeah I did. I would just freeze up or end up saying something stupid."

"Well I guess you can call me the prank master you and my side kick. Master Uzumaki and his side kick, the Pink Fury!"

"We'll work on the names and the fact that you just called me a side kick." she said shaking her head. "Apprentice is more appropriate."

"Never mind that, let's get to callin' before we're called away!" They high fived and ran off to Naruto's house. Once inside, they called up Hiashi and waited for him to come to the phone. One of the Hyuuga clan answered and Naruto asked in a feminine voice to speak to Hiashi.

"Hello?"

"Where's Neji?"

"He's not here. I can take a message if you'd like."

"Okay, tell that no good son of a bitch where's my diapers? Where's my formula? Where's my baby clothes? WHERE'S **_HIS_ **BITCH ASS?!"

"Oh you're the woman who had my nephew's child. Hm."

"Where is that no good rotten bastard anyhow? His son's over here without a daddy and that no good goon hasn't done a damn thing for our baby!"

"I see. He claim he doesn't have a child."

"Oh? Well explain why he looks just like him? And why he has the eyes of the Hyuuga clan? Hm?" said Naruto. "Your son ain't nothing but a little bitch and by extension that makes you one too! Hell your whole clan is one!"

"I assure you. My clan..."

"Stop, I know what you're about to say!" he stopped him from going any farther. "And you know what, if you're as great a clan as I've heard, then teach your son not to be a disrespectful little shit and come take care of little Neji over here. STEP UP AND BE A MAN BY MAKING HIM A MAN!"

"Okay, just don't shout in my ear." said Hiashi. "I'll talk to him AGAIN and..."

"No, beat his ass like he stole something and drag his ass over here!"

"I won't beat him, but I will take him over there." he sighed. "And we want a DNA test just in case."

"I know my baby daddy, fool, but fine then." said Naruto.

"Where are you?" Naruto then thought about it and then got an idea. He gave them the address of Bee's house and told him to ask for Karui.

"I'll see you then although it'll take a while."

"It's fine, but I'd better see some diapers!"

"You will." he hung up the phone.

"Oooh I wish I could see the look Bee and his brother's faces when they get there!" Naruto giggled.

"I dunno." said Sakura. "What about his brother? That guy's freakin' huge!"

"He can handle it." said Naruto dismissing it with a wave of his hand. "Now it's your turn."

"Oh! That last call had me thinking." she said grinning. She called up A. She waited for him to come to the phone. When he answered, she asked if this was A the Raikage in a slightly deeper voice. When he confirmed it was him, Sakura asked if he was ready to see his son.

"Son? What son?" he asked. "I don't have a kid."

"Oh yes you do! Ever heard of the Hyuuga clan?" asked Sakura.

"Of course I have. Who hasn't?" Was this fool insulting his intelligence?

"A caveman. Now listen you overgrown sack of sexiness." said Sakura. "You have a kid with me...I mean us and you need to come claim him."

"I've never been intimate with a Hyuuga clan member and I doubt I would." said A.

"Oh so my penis or bottom ain't good enough for you, huh? So you'd rather deny our son and a piece of this fine ass, huh?"

"Who even are you?!"

"The guy who's going to kick your ass for denying our son!"

"I don't know who the hell you are but stop wasting my time with nonsense!"

"You're a piece of shit!" said Naruto as Neji. "I've gone all these years without a daddy and when I finally find out who he is, he's a piece of shit! CLAIM ME ON YOUR TAXES!"

"Excuse me?"

"Excuse nothing!" yelled the blonde ninja. "Me and my mom's going to come over there and beat you like a slave on a pirate ship!"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?!" roared the man. Who dared to threaten him? He was one of the most people in the ninja world if not the whole world as a whole. Whoever this was is going to get beaten to a pulp!

"You heard OUR boy, A!" said Sakura. "You'd better be ready to see your boy or you're getting man handled!"

"I'd love to see you try!" retorted A. He felt like punching something or someone. He wished he could leap through the phone and beat the person. Teach them some respect!

"I'll be there within a week or so." said Naruto. "Get yourself ready, dad!"

"I WILL!" he slammed the phone down.

"Who next?" asked Sakura. Naruto tapped his chin.

Naruto dialed up Ino's number. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Shikamaru. Can I speak to Ino?" asked Naruto as Shikamaru. "I wanna apologize for what I did to her."

"Oh?" said her mother. Naruto then poured out an ass kissing apology about how sorry he was for doing what he did to Ino and how foolish he was for doing so. Her mother bought the lie and allowed him to speak to Ino. Ino was still pissed and told her to tell him to fuck off.

"Ino, watch your mouth!" said her mother. "Come talk to your friend..."

"HE'S MY TEAM MATE AND A HORRIBLE ONE AT THAT!" yelled Ino loud enough for them to hear.

"Ino..."

"Fine!" she grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Naruto. "YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE!"

"PRICELESS!" laughed Sakura as Gaara. "Did you ever get the smell out of your hair, Miss Piggy?"

"Y-you! You!" Ino was so mad she couldn't say anymore words other than "you" since she had a hundred things she wanted to say. 59% of them things she couldn't say in front of her mother. "You...YOU BASTARD!"

"Ino Ya-..."

"GO ROT IN HELL YOU COCK SUCKERS! I HOPE YOU BOTH..."

"Give me that phone!" Her mother then reprimanded her daughter on her behavior on the phone and she was grounded for 2 weeks. Ino tried telling her what was going on, but she ignored her and forced her to apologize.

"I'm sorry." she said through gritted teeth. "And I accept your apology, Shikamaru."

"Filthy worm! I'm not sorry at all!" snickered Naruto. "Tell your mom thanks for the breast milk."

"Don't call here again, Shitkamaru!"

"3 weeks!" She had forgotten her mother was still there in her rage. Ino whined while her mother hung up the phone.

"Let's call up Tsunade-sama!" said Sakura. She called up the hokage and waited for her to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"I know you have nipples that look like mini wienies." said Sakura in a deep voice.

"Says who?"

"According to Boobs Weekly." she said in a matter of fact voice. "It's only the best source of the best breasts in the world. Looks like the only thing great about your boobs are the size."

"How dare you or anyone judge my breasts! They are not for anybody but myself!"

"Whatever. You're just mad because your wienie nipples are all over the magazine." huffed Sakura. "Not my fault you were voted worst nipples ever. No wonder you lost to Hyuuga Hinata. Wouldn't be surprised if you lost "World's Greatest Boobs to Haruno Sakura."

"I doubt it. Have you seen her chest?" laughed Tsunade.

Sakura looked crest fallen at what her teacher just said. She was already self-conscious about her chest size, especially since every single one of her female friends had bigger breasts than her and her boss had even bigger boobs. She hid her anger at not having a bigger chest well, but it was times like these she wanted to talk shit even at the strongest woman she knew. It was at times like these when her Inner Sakura sprung back up to keep her from making a fool out of herself.

**_'Not everyone can have watermelons for boobs, granny!'_** raged Sakura on the inside. **_'At least I don't have to use my chakra to look young unlike some people! Oh if you weren't stronger than me and the hokage, I'd break you, cha!'_**

"Oh please, lady!" said Naruto in a high pitched voice. "Everyone knows your chest is just an illusion. Your chest is probably as big as a five year old's. Well they would be if you were using a jutsu."

"I'll have you know that I was blessed with this chest!" said Tsunade.

"Oh so you paid for them?"

"I did no such thing! These are all natural thank you very much!"

"BULLSHIT!"

"I don't know who the hell you are, but I suggest you get off my phone right now!"

"No way, Miss Fake Titties! Or should I call you Miss Hallway? Because as we all know, that's what's it's like when people put their dick in you! You may as well be fucking a hallway with how loose you are!"

"Care to repeat that?" They could tell by her voice she was pissed.

"Miss Hallway!" they said in unison.

"Now come say it to my face, because I bet you wouldn't dare!"

"You're right. I don't want to catch big nipple syndrome."

"I DON'T HAVE WIENIE NIPPLES!" she yelled. In the background, they could hear someone talking in the background. Tsunade stammered in embarrassment while they cracked up. Tsunade yelled at them that she was going to pulverize them, but they could barely hear her over their laughter.

After hanging up the phone, the two prank called some more people and continued for a while until they heard a knock at the door. Naruto asked who it was and waited for an answer. It was an excited sounding Rock Lee at the door. He had just barely opened the door when the older male pulled him in for a bone crushing hug until releasing him.

"Ow!" said Naruto. "Nice to see you too Lee."

"I'm sorry, but I was really excited to tell you that Hinata had our son!" he said excitedly.

"Congratulations, Lee!" said Sakura. "What's his name?"

"Metal Lee. Hinata had a little trouble, but she is fine now. Come by and see her when ever the two of you have time."

"Sure. We'll head over as soon as we're done..."

"Oh! Sorry." he bowed. "I didn't mean to interrupt your date."

"Date? Oh no! Naruto and I were just uh cleaning up!" she lied. "His room was so messy and I couldn't just leave it alone. I came by to help him out because he never knows where anything is."

"Oh yes, it is a bit messy."

"Hey!" he said insulted although it was true. His apartment was a bit messy.

"Do you need any help?"

"No, we've got it. We'll head over later and see the baby." said Sakura.

"Alright, see you later, Sakura and Naruto!"

"That was close." said Sakura. "I can't believe he actually thought we were on a date."

'I wish we were.' he sighed in his head. He decided to change the subject. "What do you think their kid looks like."

"I dunno. He has to have the Hyuuga clan eyes, I'll bet." said Sakura. "Oh crap, I forgot!"

"What?"

"I forgot I promised to help Tsunade-sama with her paperwork today." she slapped her hand over her forehead. "And we just made her mad!"

"You could call in sick?"

"No, that'll just make things worse." she sighed. "I'll catch you later."

"Wait." he grabbed her hand. When she looked at him, he blushed and let go. "I can't let you suffer alone. I'll come with."

"Thanks, but you don't have to."

"I want to. Come on before she tears up the town trying to find you."

When the two got to her office, Naruto and Sakura regretted going in. Tsunade was in a bad mood and nothing the two of them did seemed to please her. Even the way they breathed seemed to displease her. Naruto started to back off and go home, but thought better of it. If Tsunade didn't kill him, Sakura would. It was a relief when she told them to get out, kicking them out along with Shizune although none of them had done anything wrong.

"Thanks for suffering with me through that." said Sakura as they walked home.

"No problem. Let's not try not to make her mad next time." said Naruto.

"I thought she was going to throw me out a window." said Sakura referring to when she had accidentally knocked over a mere paper clip.

"She must have gotten in trouble with someone important or something." said Naruto.

"I wouldn't doubt it or someone who likes to gossip." she shrugged. "Well this is my stop. See ya!"

"Bye!" Naruto walked back to his apartment humming to himself. Other than suffering under the hokage, the day had been pretty productive with their pranks. Tomorrow would hopefully be even better.


	18. Itachi, Gai, A, Konohamaru

"Well one thing's for sure, he looks nothing like Lee." said Naruto while Sakura nodded in agreement. They were in the hospital looking through the window at all of the babies before their eyes landed on the young Hyuuga. The baby resembled Neji but with dark blue spiky hair. The only thing he seemed to have inherited was Lee's spiky hair before he got it cut to resemble his teacher's. He looked at them with lavender eyes before closing his eyes to sleep again.

"He's such a handsome baby." said Sakura smiling at the baby.

"One thing's for sure, now nobody will know who the dad is."

"True. Let's go see how Hinata's doing."

The two of them went into the room of Hinata. Her room had a bunch of balloons, flowers, a few fruit baskets, and cards. She was resting in bed while Kurenai was by her side. She looked up and smiled only to frown and narrow her eyes directly at Naruto. Sakura noticed this and decided not to make things awkward. "Hey Hinata and Kurenai-sensei."

"Hello, Sakura-chan." said Hinata softly. "Did you see the baby?"

"Yeah, he's a handsome baby, right Naruto?" she asked nudging him.

"Oh yeah! Very handsome."

"Hm." she sat up a little bit. She didn't seem to too much care what Naruto said.

"I got you a present." He gave her a wrapped up box. Hinata looked at the box for a minute before opening it. She carefully tore off the paper and lifted the box before taking out a small pair of green spandex. Kurenai rose both of her eyebrows at the outfit. It looked like something Gai would give someone.

"Naruto...it's wonderful! I love it!" said the Hyuuga. Kurenai meanwhile nearly fell out of her chair. She gave the blonde a hug. "I can't wait to put it on him!"

"I'm glad you liked it!" grinned Naruto. He whispered in Sakura's ear once he got back to her side, "See! Told you that thing worked wonders with the ladies."

"Apparently." she shook her head as Hinata asked her teacher to put the box to the side. Sakura gave her a book on child development for children from 0 days old to 4 years. Hinata was appreciative of her gift also. After sitting and chatting with her, the two headed out to Naruto apartment for more pranking fun.

The first person they called up was Itachi. "Hello?"

"Bed wetter!" said Naruto as Kisame. Itachi was quiet for a moment. Naruto asked if he was still there.

"I'm killing your ass." said Itachi.

"You ain't doin'...hello? Hello? He hung up." he handed the phone to Sakura.

She tapped her chin for a moment before dialing in a number. The phone rang for a minute before Gai answered the phone. Sakura cleared her throat. "Is this Might Gai?"

"Yep! You've dialed the correct number! I am indeed Might Gai of Konoha! The blue..."

"Hello, Mr. Gai." said Sakura in a high pitched voice. "This is Sally McPherson from the Health Department calling for Mr. Hatake, Kakashi. He informed her that if he wasn't home that his most trusted friend would receive this message since he hasn't got any friends that don't want to beat the shit out of him to tell."

"Excuse me?"

"No adult ninja likes you. Apparently they all laugh at you not looking like One Punch Man. You used to be cool until he came along."

"Kakashi said that, huh?"

"Yeah well...uh...oosps!"

"No, no need to be sorry. I needed to hear that." said Gai. He sounded like he was trying to suppress how angry he was and was barely managing it. "So what did you need to tell me?"

"It's been confirmed." said Sakura in a sad voice. "Mr. Hatake has contracted...gonorrhea."

"Oh me, oh my!" said Gai, his voice thick with sarcasm. "That poor fucker!"

"Please relay this information back to your friend." said Sakura. "He's been nervously waiting for some time now for this information."

"Oh I will. Believe that!"

"Thank you. Have a nice day!"

"Oh I will!"

Sakura hung up the phone and handed it over to Naruto. He called up A. When his secretary answered, Naruto asked to speak to him as it was an urgent matter. When asked what it was, Naruto said it was a about a DNA test. She was quiet for a minute before going to get her boss. When A got on the phone, he asked who it was and if this was Bee pranking him again...

"READY TO GET THAT ASS WHOOPED?!" asked Naruto as Hiashi.

"WHAT?!"

"We're whooping that ass good, right mom?" asked Sakura as Neji.

"Damn straight." they high fived.

"YOU AIN'T WHOOPIN' SHIT!" said A angrily. "I look forward to beating the shit out you both!"

"Child abuse!" Sakura said horrified.

"CHILD BEATER!"

"You're both brainless shit stains!" growled A. He couldn't wait for these bastards to show up at his door. Oh how he'd make them suffer! The hokage was going to be hearing about this. She couldn't even control one of the most famous clans in her village! Then again they had to kill off their own Uchiha clan because they were they were that weak to control them! Well according to his sources anyways.

"Yo mammy!" said Naruto.

A got quiet, but on the other end he was all powered up out of anger. When he spoke, he boomed, "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY YOU COCK SUCKER!"

"Damn bro!" said Bee's voice in the background. "What's with the glow? You tryin' to put on a show for all the hoes? Oh shit that was good! I've gotta write that down!"

"QUIET!" he barked at his brother.

"Eat one." said Bee. A growled like a dog and apparently he was attacking Bee because he was telling him to get off him. "Not cool, man! GET OFF! HEY! MY RHYME BOOK!"

"Master Bee..." someone had come into the room, but then it was followed up with nothing but noises of destruction.

"I hope Bee's alright." said Naruto hanging up the phone.

"Me too as well as whoever that was that walked in." said Sakura. "He does have the 8 tails. Hopefully he's able to control his brother if he gets too out of control."

"Yeah. So who you wanna call now?" He and Sakura thought for a while. "Let's see...oh! How about ol' OPM?"

"Who? Oh! Yes!" The pink haired ninja grinned. They called up the newly bald man. The phone rang for a couple of seconds before Konohamaru answered.

"Can I speak to Asuma please?" asked Naruto in a low voice.

"Don't you mean Old Stupid Punch Man?!"

"Uh yeah."

"My uncle's so stupid! He's embarrassing me in public! Please arrest him for child cruelty!" pleaded the brunette. Ever since he cut off all of his hair (every single bit of it), got his nails polished, and was constantly saying "SUPREME BOOTY CREAM!" his life became unbearable. His friends no longer wanted to hang around and hell even his damn teacher refused to be around.

The kids either pitied him or asked him when he was putting him in the nut house. Some even dared to ask when he started losing his mind. He would admit it was because of Kurenai wanting him to do it and it made people pity him even harder. He hated being pitied! Asuma wasn't crazy...okay he was, but he was still somewhat sane. He was scared to go into public anymore because of his stupid uncle. He asked Iruka for advice, but the man had barely opened his mouth when his Asuma was walking with Gai and had said "SUPREME BOOTY CREAM!" He then hung his head in shame and ran home. He doubted his uncle's girlfriend had even told him that stuff that he had to do as every time she saw her heading their way, she'd quickly turn around and hurry off before his bald uncle could notice her. He couldn't blame her.

"Sorry to hear that, but we can't. Perhaps you can take it up with child services?"

"Hm...haven't tried that. I think I will."

"Anyways, we wanted to see your uncle as he's been elected Konoha's Biggest Dork." said Naruto.

"I believe it."

"Yeah, he's more than qualified actually." informed Naruto. "We would have elected him as most gullible, but that award was taken by another idiot. Anyways, is your uncle a professional idiot because it sure feels like it."

"Not really. I think someone fooled him into doing it because I doubt his girlfriend did. If he's that desperate to get laid, I'm in huge trouble."

"Sorry to hear that. Well thanks you for your time and congratulations on your uncle being the funniest thing since...well anything."

"Yeah, whatever. Now if you'll excuse me, I have Child Services to call."

Once they hung up the phone, it was time for the two to get to training. Another successful pranking completed!

* * *

Just one last chapter left before the sequel.


	19. The End

This is the last chapter and therefore my 11th completed fanfic and the 2nd one with a sequel. Extra long since it's the last part.

* * *

Sakura was downstairs folding her clothes before placing them into a basket and headed up the stairs. She was ready for more prank calls with Naruto, but her mother had caught her before she could leave. Now that she was done with the laundry, all she had to do was place them in her drawer and head over there where she knew the ninja was waiting for her. She was ready for another round of calling up people with her partner in crime. Just as she was putting away her underwear she had the strange feeling that someone was watching her. She looked up and screamed at seeing a hooded figure at her.

"Sakura, what's wrong?" Mebuki had run into the room with a broom. Meanwhile the figure had quickly dashed from the window.

"There was someone at my window!" she pointed at her window.

Her mother opened the window and looked outside. She went back inside and looked at her. "I don't see anybody. Did you get a good glimpse at him?"

"N-no!" She said shaking her head.

"This could be serious." said Mebuki rubbing her chin. "You'd better stay here for a while until around noon. That's when it's busiest and you can slip over to Naruto's house."

She only nodded and closed her curtains as her mother went back to dusting the house. Who was that, was all she thought about that morning. Was it someone sent to grab her or someone who mistook her for someone else? She didn't know. She decided to go downstairs and call up her team mate. She waited for a while and he still didn't answer. She called again and he answered.

"Why the hell didn't you answer, you dummy?"

"Good morning to you too!"

"S-sorry." she apologized. "I was just a little worried about you."

"Really?" he was pleased to hear this coming from her. Then he had to think about it. She had to have a reason to worry about him other than the fact that they were both friends and team mates. Judging by her voice, something had happened. "What's wrong, Sakura-chan?"

"I saw someone at my window!"

"Who?"

"I-I don't know. I couldn't see their face!" she said worriedly. "You don't think it was an akatsuki member, do you?"

"Did you see any red clouds?"

"No."

"From my run-ins with them, they always wear their cloaks. It could be someone else. You are Granny Tsunade's student and a good medical ninja. Maybe they want to take you for themselves."

"Whatever they want, they won't get it!"

"So you're staying home?"

"I'll head out later when there's crowds so they can't see me." said Sakura.

"What about your...what the...?!"

"What's going on?"

"Deidara!" he shouted.

"Naruto, get out of there!" She wasn't even sure if he heard her as Naruto dropped the phone. She heard an explosion and hung up the phone and headed out of the house, not even thinking of calling for help.

She could see smoke in the air and people looking towards that direction. She jumped buildings until she reached the apartment. Deidara was there on a large bird with Naruto attempting to jump and using his rasegan to defeat the bomber. He missed and landed on the ground. She rushed over to his side and helped him up. Without a word, the two took off running together. Some ninjas and ANBU arrived to help them out, giving them some time to escape. The two thought about hiding out in Sakura's house, but Sakura told him about the hooded figure lurking at her window earlier.

"Where the hell do we go then?"

"I don't know let me think." Sakura racked up in her mind somewhere they could go to. Her house was a no go and she didn't want to put Ino in danger. Even if she knew they would be safe there, it was too far from the main section of the village and they needed somewhere closer. All she could think of was the hokage who most likely had heard of the presence of the Akatsuki and wanted Naruto safe from them. "We need to get to Lady Tsunade and quick!"

He only nodded at her and the two headed to the hokage's office. Just then a clay bomb shaped like a spider landed in front of them. Naruto grabbed the medic nin and rolled out of the way before it went off. She started to thank him, but cut herself mid-sentence when she saw a large gash in his side. When the spider exploded, the debris must had flown all over the place and cut him. She attempted to heal him, but he told her there was no time and that they had to run before Deidara found them.

Without a word they headed off again, with Sakura suggesting they split up. The blonde ninja refused to let her go. They'd be safer if they were together. "Naruto, don't argue with me. You get to the hokage. I'll distract him."

"How?" Wordlessly she transformed into him before taking off before he could say anything. He tried telling her to come back, but she was already gone. He could have just used shadow clones he thought as he transformed into her and made his way forward. He could hear explosions coming from the way Sakura had gone. He wanted to fight the bastard off, but he knew Sakura would force him to leave as he was injured. He managed to make it just as some ninja were heading out most likely to deal with Deidara. Shizune was right behind them, but stopped when she saw Naruto.

"Sakura, where's Naruto? Don't tell me..."

"It's me!" he turned back into himself. "Sakura distracted him while I made my way here. She should be meeting back up here as soon as she can get away."

"Good." she said sighing with relief. "Oh! You're hurt!"

"It's nothing."

"It's nothing my foot! Go to Lady Tsunade and get yourself patched up."

"Okay and Shizune?" he said grabbing her arm. "Make sure Sakura-chan's okay."

"I will, just go inside and lay down. I'll make sure Sakura gets here safe and sound."

Naruto was being healed when Sakura burst into the room. "Is Naruto okay?"

"Sakura-chan!" he grinned and moved towards her, but was stopped by Tsunade.

"Not so fast. I'm not done yet. She's not going anywhere, I assure you." said the blonde woman.

"Its freaking chaos out there." said Sakura sitting down in a chair opposite of them. "That Deidara guy is on a rampage. Nearly blew the ANBU to pieces. Naruto, I'm sorry to tell you but..."

"Oh no! Did Kakashi or..."

"No. None of our friends got blown up or hurt that I know of. But Ickiruku Raman...it got destroyed. Everyone inside made it out though." Naruto looked close to tears at the news that he had heard. Oh sure he was happy that nobody'd gotten hurt, but his favorite ramen place was gone! That idiot was going to pay!

"Granny, lemme up so I can teach that fool a lesson, believe it!"

"If you don't sit down, you won't be doing a damn thing except be sore!" growled the hokage.

"Let her do her job." she said going by his side and touching his shoulder.

Naruto grumbled, but allowed Tsunade to heal him. Once he was healed up, he started to leave when Tsunade as she stepped in front of him, crossing her arms. "Not so fast, Naruto. You're not going anywhere."

"But I'm healed!"

"I don't care." she said shaking her head. "You need to understand that this is only fot your safety. They want you to get the nine tails and if they get you, you know what happens."

"But..."

"You're going in an underground bunker until we get rid of him." she turned to Sakura. "Sakura, I want you to stay there with him until the danger is over with."

"Yes ma'am." said Sakura. Once the woman was gone, Naruto started complaining.

"I can't believe I have to stay in here! I can fight!"

"I know you can, but it's too dangerous for you to go out there!" she pointed out. If the akatsuki got you, that'd just be one more tailed beast they have. I don't want you going out there and getting hurt."

"I know, but..."

"No buts! You're staying here until the danger passes like Tsunade-sama said." he mumbled, but obeyed Sakura. They sat underground in the bedroom part for a while bored until Naruto pointed out that's what got them into prank calling in the first place.

"Yeah. Too bad we can't do that now." he sighed.

"Maybe we can." Sakura pointed at the phone hanging off the wall.

"It's tempting. But who are we going to call? Nobody's probably home."

"Let's just dial up some random numbers." Sakura dialed up a random number and waited.

"Carrie's Hair Salon, where any kind of hair is acceptable here!"said a young woman. "How may I help you?"

"My hair is a mess and I need it done now!"

"That'll be no problem, ma'am." assured the woman. "Have you got a style in mind or would you just like a trim or perhaps a wash?"

"All three." said Sakura. "For you see, my hair's gotten a tad bit longer and no matter how much I beg and plead, but husband won't touch my hair! He says it's too gross and thick."

"How horrible! Well we'll fix your hair right up for you!" the woman said cheerfully.

"Can you do braids?" she asked. "With any kind of hair?"

"Of course! There is no kind of hair we can't do or fix!"

"Well I'd like to make an appointment for nine am tomorrow!"

"That'll be fine."

"Ha!" she turned to Naruto. "I told you someone else would do it!"

"Well I can't help it if I find your pubes disgusting!" said Naruto.

"Wait what?" asked the lady on the phone.

"My pubic hair is not disgusting! You weren't saying that last night!" said Sakura

"Excuse me?" said the woman.

"That's because pussy is pussy!" said Naruto.

"Did you just say pubic hair?!" said the woman a little louder, but Sakura and Naruto were too busy fake bickering with each other. She ended up having to scream it into the phone before they finally decided to answer her.

"Yes?" Sakura said as if nothing was wrong and she wasn't just talking about how nasty and hairy her crotch was.

"We don't do _that _kind of hair." she said in disgust.

"What do you mean?" the pink haired ninja said confused. "You just said you accept _**ANY **_kind of _**HAIR **_and this _**IS **_hair."

"Y-yes, but...!"

"Are you denying wife's forest that she calls a crotch?" said Naruto insulted. "This is hairism!"

"Hairism?" she asked.

"You're racist against pubic hair!"

"That's pubisim." corrected Sakura.

"Whatever. Look you bitch! My wife needs this done to her pubic hair! Do you not know how long it takes me to find a way to get inside her?!" he didn't wait for an answer. "AN HOUR! By that time, do you think my dick's still going to be hard or we're still gonna be in the mood to fuck by the time I find it?!"

"I..."

He cut her off. "Can't you just style it? You don't have to cut it. You couldn't if you tried anyways. That shit's thick."

"Not as thick as your skull." snapped the young woman.

"Just slap some rubber bands on it? Pleeeeaaaseee?"

"No! We can't do that! Only head hair!" said the receptionist. "No pubic hair, no eyebrows, no leg hair, no armpit hair, no foot hair..."

"What about ass hair?" asked Naruto. "She's got a bit of that too."

"And you've got a pelt on your back!" snapped Sakura sounding irritated although she was really looking trying not to laugh.

"It's better than having ass hair and a bush for a crotch!" argued Naruto.

"I'm hanging up now." said the woman. "Unless you really want to get your proper hair done, we're done here."

"Fuck you! I'm calling your manager and telling her rejected me because of my hair!"

"And I'll happily tell her you wanted your crotch done!" she said. "I'll get her now myself!"

"And while you do that, I'm giving you a horrible review!"

"Do it then. We'll still have..."

"...ON YELP."

"No! W-we can work something out." said the woman frantically.

"Nope!" Sakura hung up as the woman begged and pleaded her not to do it and did so for 26 minutes before she realized she had been talking to herself.

The next call was Tenten. She was in her basement sharping and cleaning her weapons when her father* told her the phone was for her. She thanked him and held the phone while going back to cleaning a kunai. "Hello?"

"Nice ass." said Naruto as Neji. She twitched and the sound of a kunai could be heard hitting the floor.

"You...how dare you call me!" Tenten wished she could leap through the phone and beat the shit outta the ninja. Hadn't he learned his lesson before? Apparently not. "You embarrassed the crap outta me in public and you played with my emotions! I should have killed you!"

"Come on, don't be like that baby." said Naruto.

"Don't call me baby, you little bitch!" growled Tenten. This was the angriest they had ever heard her. "I should slit that pretty little throat of your's and hang you by your ears off the top of the 4th hokage's head."

"You called me pretty so you must still like me." he said in a cocky voice.

"I did, but fuck that now!" exclaimed the woman. "You butter me up and then act like you don't know what's going on when you arrive!"

"I was shy!"

"SHY?! You're about as shy as Naruto, Gai-sensei, and Rock Lee combined!" said Tenten. "I know you Neji and that wasn't shy! You're lucky you're not here to get your ass beat AGAIN!"

"Tenten beat _Neji_ up?" said Sakura shocked. "Dang!"

"Shocking, right?" whispered Naruto covering the receiver before turning back to the phone. "That was just a fluke. I _**let **_you win!"

"Oh really? And that's why you let be beat you until I broke your leg, you were covered in deep cuts, and you were crying like a little bitch right?"

"I can't believe I missed that." sighed Naruto. He had always wanted to see Neji get put his place by someone else. He too much glee in hearing someone had beat the shit out of him and sent him into tears. Had she videoed it? He nearly asked if she had but caught himself.

"Unless you want another ass kicking, fuck off." said Tenten twirling her kunai.

"You ain't doing shit." something snapped over the phone.

"Oh really? I might just come and find your ass."

"Do it then, cocksucker!" said Naruto. "And I bet you won't film it either."

"I will!" she hung up the phone.

They called up a few more people, forgetting about the trouble outside. They had just finished up calling up some other random bastards when they heard the locks outside the door being unlocked. Naruto quickly put down the phone while Sakura pulled out one of the board games that was supposed to preoccupy the two. Due to the number of locks on the door, Sakura and Naruto had plenty of time to pretend like they were playing instead of being on the phone.

"You two can come out now." said Shikamaru holding the door open. "The danger's over now."

"Finally!" said Naruto jumping up. "It felt like forever. Did you guys catch him?"

"Sadly no." said Shikamaru in his usual bored voice. "He got away."

"Damn it! I can't believe this shit!"

"And he destroyed your house too by the way." said Shikamaru looking at his nails.

"So glad for the comfort." said Naruto rolling his eyes.

"Mm." said Shikamaru. "You can go now."

"Where the hell am I going, dumbass! My house was destroyed."

"You could bunk with Sakura." he said looking over at the pink haired ninja. He looked at the young woman.

"Sure. I don't see why not." said Sakura while Naruto mentally celebrated. Mebuki was happy to see the young man again and made sure he felt right at home. She told him he could stay as long as he needed to since he was a friend of Sakura's.

"Thanks, Mrs. Haruno!" grinned Naruto as they sat down for dinner.

"Don't get too comfortable, Naruto." said Sakura's father. "Especially not in my kid's bed."

"Dad!" blushed Sakura. "I don't even like him that way!"

"I don't know Sakura." said Mebuki smiling and winking at her daughter. "You two have been hanging out a lot more lately."

"Can we just eat now?" Sakura said annoyed.

Geez couldn't she just hang out with a boy without them thinking she was dating him? It seemed that they were the only ones thinking it...that and Naruto who didn't seem to mind them thinking they were a couple. Had he told them they were a thing? The very thought made her want to punch him for lying. She just shook her head and was glad when the subject was changed to how Naruto's place was going to get replaced. Luckily he didn't since he lived in an apartment and the second reason was because of an akatsuki member damaging the building so the hokage was paying for it and housing for the other people who lived in his building.

* * *

Two days later, Naruto was going down the street heading back to Sakura's place with some groceries when he saw a still bald Asuma walking with Konohamaru who looked as if he wanted to be as far away from his uncle as possible. Not able to help himself, he ran right over to him careful not spill the groceries.

"Hey, Asuma-sensei." Naruto greeted the other man trying not to laugh. "Nice haircut."

"Don't lie." said Konohamaru. "It's hideous! Thank goodness grandpa's dead because if he saw his own son walking around bald, the shock would kill him!"

Naruto couldn't help but to inwardly agree. If the 3rd had been alive, he'd faint at the site of his son only after laughing so hard at him. He looked stupid being without eyebrows and hair and his fingernails being painted that way. He wondered how his girlfriend felt. His nephew was already pretty damn embarrassed. He would be too if his uncle or anyone he knew walked around looking like that. He felt pity for the young boy. Asuma didn't say anything, so Naruto attempted to make him talk and he knew just how.

"How's Kurenai?"

"She's...I dunno." he answered after a minute. "She's off on a mission."

"When she comes back, she's probably gonna finally gather up the nerve to leave you." pointed out the young boy. "And I don't blame her. Like I said, YOU'RE HIDEOUS!"

"Konohamaru!" said Naruto in a scolding voice. "Don't talk to Asuma-sensei like Even if he is pretty ugly, that doesn't mean Kurenai will leave him! He has other interesting things about him, right sensei?"

Asuma was narrowing his eyes at him in silence. The three sat around awkwardly before Naruto went about his way. Going farther down the road, he saw his sensei coming out of his house reading his Icha Icha Paradise book. Nothing was usual...except what was written his mask.

"Go to hell, Boogerbrain." Naruto read out loud.

"Excuse me?" said Kakashi raising a brow at him.

"I was just reading what's on your mask." he said pointing.

"The hell?" he went back inside with Naruto behind him. He looked in the mirror. "What kind of childish bullshit...?"

"Heh heh." snickered Naruto. He had a pretty good idea who did it.

"Very funny, Naruto!"

"It wasn't me!" said Naruto. "I know for a fact you'd catch me."

"Then who the heck was it?"

"It was me." Both jumped, not having heard or seen the man in the room.

"Gai?" said Kakashi turning to said man in question as he stepped out of the shadows to reveal himself. "Why?"

"TALK ABOUT ME WILL YOU?!"

"What? I..." Kakashi received a punch in the face.

Kakashi hadn't been able to dodge it since he had been taken by surprise. Gai shoved Naruto out of the way and jumped on top of the man. Naruto attempted to help after putting down the grocery bag, but after Gai hissed at him like a cat he backed off hands in the air. What the hell was wrong with him? He knew he was pissed at Kakashi, but damn he must have taken that prank call pretty damn hard to be beating the shit out of Kakashi and hissing at Naruto. To avoid getting the shit beat out of him, Naruto grabbed his shit and ran. Seeing a few jounin outside, he directed them to the man's house. It took a while, but eventually they managed to sedate Gai and drag him out. After making sure Gai hadn't completely messed him up, Naruto went back to Sakura's house. He told Sakura what had happened with Asuma and Gai.

"Wow. I wonder why he took it so hard." said Sakura. "I would think he'd talk before he did anything. And he hissed at you too? He must be _really_ losing his mind."

"Yeah." he wondered where he was now.

* * *

After a month of hanging with Sakura's family, he felt himself getting attached with to them. They made him feel at home and he even felt like he was a part of the family. Why was Sakura always talking crap about her home life? Her family was awesome. Just as he was sitting on the couch chatting with Sakura's father, he heard a knock on the door. It was just Ino looking pissed. He tried asking what was up, but she interrupted her.

"The hokage wants you and Sakura to come her office." she said quickly.

"Oh okay. Uh, is something wrong?"

"No! Nothing's wrong." she said through gritted teeth. She looked as if she was trying to put on a smile but it was hurting her to try doing this. Naruto was confused. What the hell was wrong with her? "I'm just constipated."

"Okay, now I know you're lying." said Naruto narrowing her eyes at the blonde woman. "You of all people wouldn't tell **_me_ **that."

"I just trust you not tell." she said her lip twitching. "You're a completely trustworthy person."

"If you say so. I'll grab Sakura."

"Yes, go grab the foreheaded freak." Okay now he was completely sure Ino wasn't alright as when she said this, she looked as she wanted to punch someone when she said this. These days, whenever Ino said this, she was doing it to tease the woman. Did Ino and Sakura have a fight or something?

"I'll get her." he went upstairs and knocked on Sakura's room door. After she gave him permission to come in, he told her that they were needed at the hokage's office. Sakura put on her shoes and they headed to the hokage's office.

"What do you think she wants?" asked Sakura.

"They're probably going to move me to some remote location." said Naruto shrugging. He then remembered Ino's bitterness from earlier. "Hey, did you and Ino have a fight or something?"

"No." said Sakura. "Why?"

"She looked pissed and called you a foreheaded freak."

"She said what?!" Sakura couldn't believe the nerve of that pig! She had better come and say that to her face!

"Yeah. She looked pretty mad too." He had thought saying something about her being on her period, but dismissed it upon remembering who he was with.

"I don't know what her problem is, but I didn't do anything to her." said Sakura still offended.

Once they were inside of the hokage's office, they opened the door of her office and found their boss's chair facing away from them. Naruto spoke first. "Hey, Granny Tsunade. You wanted us?"

"No, but I did." said familiar voice from behind them. Turning around, they saw Shikamaru leaning in the doorway.

"Oh hey, Shikamaru!" said Naruto cheerfully as the taller man walked around them, turning the chair around, and plopping down in it. "Tsunade invited you here too?"

"Naruto, she didn't want us in here." said Sakura. "He does. He just said that."

"Oh! Wait, if you wanna meet us here then...oh crap!" Naruto gasped. "Please don't tell me you're the hokage now!"

"No, you don't have to worry about _that_." assured Shikamaru. Sakura caught the way he had said that sentence. Something about it implied something suspicious, but she couldn't tell what it was. She felt like she knew what he was going to talk to them about something they knew, but couldn't figure what it was.

"Oh?" said Naruto.

"And I think you both know what I'm talking about." said Shikamaru smirking at them.

Sakura gulped when she heard him say that. "Shikamaru..."

"What?" Naruto still didn't get it. He looked back and forth between the ninjas.

"Your prank calls."

"Prank...no! Us?" he laughed. "Oh no. That's something I would do, but Sakura'd kick my ass if I did."

"Considering she joined you, I doubt she'd have a good reason to." Naruto stopped laughing. He knew. "Yeah, I know and don't try talking your way out of this."

"You've got no proof!"

"Oh, but I do." Just after he said this, Shizune rolled in a cart with a tv on behind it while Shikamaru moved his chair, she plugged it in, placed down two chairs for Naruto and Sakura, and then handed Shikamaru the remote before turning off the lights.

The video began with them inside of the bunker. Both thought the words "Shit" as it played their first prank call to the hair stylist receptionist. Sakura should have known there would be a camera or two in the room. It also included an edited in audio of whom ever they were talking to at the moment.

"...and the next time you say that, I'll shit in your cereal next!" shouted Naruto into the phone while Sakura giggled.

"I wish the fuck you would!" said the stranger over the phone. Naruto snickered at the conversation that had just finished playing and Sakura slapped him over the back of his head. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Shut up! We've already been caught. Don't make it even worse on us!"

Sakura dialed up a number on the phone and waited for the person to answer. When they did, Sakura accidentally burped into the phone. She covered her mouth in shock and looked embarrassed. "Did you just burp into my ear? Have some manners!"

"How dare you insult me!" said Naruto. "In my country, burping over the phone before speaking shows you have a great amount of respect for the person on the other end."

"I don't give a shit!" said the man over the phone. "I don't want anyone burping in my ear! Why the hell don't you speak words and not burp like some dirty animal?!"

"How about you loose some weight, fat ass!" yelled Sakura into the phone looking about ready to punch someone.

"Who the hell is that?" asked the man over the phone. "Your piggy wife?"

"Pig?" Sakura was ready to hunt this guy down.

"Don't you dare call my girl a pig!" said Naruto. "This means war!"

"Ooooh! I'm so scared!" said the man in a sarcastic voice. "You're talking out of your ass! What am I going to do?"

"Shit in box and send it to you!" said Naruto.

"Yeah right! Fuck off, Dirty Fool and Pig Woman!" he hung up.

"I will find you!" said Naruto.

"Mm-hm." he shook his head on the other side of the phone. "I bet you won't do anything."

"'Oh really?" asked Sakura. "Where are you then since you think you're tough shit?"

"Hmph!" He then told them where he was and as luck would have it, he lived in Konoha.

"After this, let's get some dog shit from Kiba's house." whispered Naruto and Sakura nodded. "We'll see you later, loser!"

"I BEAT YOUR WIFE HAS PIT HAIR!" screamed the man.

"We sure got that asshole, didn't we?" Naruto whispered.

When things had calmed down, the two found the guy's house and the man unlocking his front door. He was huge hulking guy with muscles on his freaking muscles. Of course this didn't stop them from placing a huge bag of dog shit on his doorstep and running away after repeatedly beating on the door and ringing the doorbell. The man came out looking ready to kill when he stepped out onto the porch and then stepped on the bag full of shit. He went into the house and pulled out a chainsaw. Once they had seen this, the two of them took off running back to Sakura's house.

"Oh and can't forget about this either." said Shikamaru.

He played the tape Naruto talking with Shino about his prank calls. Apparently the shop had a camera that Naruto hadn't noticed when talking with the man. Even then he was sure he wouldn't have cared. Sakura would have sent him an evil look if it wasn't for the fact that A) there was no way he'd noticed that since security cameras were very rare to see in Konoha and B) they had already been caught by Shikamaru. Once the video ended, Shizune pulled the cart out of the room while Shikamaru got back into place.

"Now you're probably wondering how I caught you two." said Shikamaru. He didn't wait for answer. "It's because Asuma-sensei. He told me someone called him up and demanded he do all this stuff acting as Kurenai. However given how she is, I highly doubt she'd ever do this. I mean come on. Seeing how she looks at him now, blushing in embarrassment of him shouting the things he does...if she did want him to do those things for her to love him, wouldn't she be around him?"

"And then I've been overhearing about these series of prank calls that led to causing chaos throughout the village. Then I thought, who is mischievous enough to prank call all these people? I thought to myself, it has to be someone I know and everyone we knew who might do such a thing. And then I realized it had to be you Naruto. Sakura, I didn't know did it until I noticed the two of you hanging out more often than you usually do so I figured you might be in on it."

"But you couldn't have known completey." said Sakura. "I mean we could have been...uh...d-dating."

"Maybe, but considering how obsessed you are over Sasuke I doubted that."

"I'm not obsessed!"

"Mm-hm." said Shikamaru and Naruto. Sakura slapped Naruto upside his head.

"Shut up, idiot!" said Sakura.

"Anyways, setting up that phone inside I was hoping you truly were stupid enough to talk on the phone."

"Hey!" said Naruto.

"You were and now I've got evidence against you both." he said ignoring the shorter male.

"Shikamaru, we can work something out here, can't we?" asked Sakura. "I mean we're all friends here, right? We scratch your back and you scratch ours! We promise not to prank call and you can give us the tape and forget this whole thing!"

"Did you really that would work, Sakura?" said Shikamaru smirking. "After what you two did to my friendship with Choji?" Here his face turned serious. "Not at all."

"Come on, it was just a prank bro." said Naruto.

"Just a...YOU MADE A FOOL OUT OF ME, CAUSED THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN PROPERTY DAMAGE WITH YOUR BULLSHIT, ANGERING A DANGEROUS CRIMINAL, GOT YOUR SENSEI'S ASS KICKED, GOT MULTIPLE PEOPLE HURT, NEARLY CAUSED A WAR WITH A KAGE, AND GOT ME GROUNDED FOR DUMPING SHIT ON INO!"

"You did that last part on your own. We didn't tell you to do that."

"Shut up!" hissed Sakura. Even if it wasn't true, they didn't need him even more pissed at them. "Shikamaru look I know what we did was wrong, but..."

"Then why didn't you stop when it caused trouble, huh, Sakura?" Both ninjas felt the colors drain from their faces, but Naruto didn't feel as scared shitless as his pink haired partner in crime. If she hadn't gone to the bathroom before they had gone to the hokage's office, she would be literally hitting herself. Tsunade was hear and she knew what they'd done. She wanted someone to kill her right on the spot. No, she wanted to fling herself out of the nearest window and fall to her death. However given how she couldn't move and her body felt numb she was forced to look at her teacher/boss's angry face. She couldn't even gulp in fright.

"Sakura, I'm **_very _**disappointed in you." said Tsunade crossing her arms as she sat on the edge of her desk. "This is something I expect out of Naruto, but you? Highly unlikely. What do you have to say to yourself?"

"I...I..." she didn't know what to say. She had let her teacher down and possibly lost her respect for good.

"It was my fault." said Naruto. "Sakura had nothing to do with this. I pressured her into doing it by making up some stupid lie about Sasuke liking to do these with me back before she left and that if she got good at them, he'd like her and maybe even come back. I played with her feelings and manipulated her to spend some time with her. So if you're gonna punish anyone, punish me."

It was a poor lie, but Sakura still appreciated he was willing to be punished for it by himself. "No, punish me. I encouraged it and didn't even think once to stop. I'm pretty sure I caused more damage calling anyways."

"How about I punish both of you?" said the hokage. "It only seems fair since both of you played a roll in calling."

"That's fair." sighed Sakura.

"Right then. Both of you are sentenced to cleaning duty in the village, helping with construction, and neither of you will be allowed to leave the village until the damage done by Deidara is finished."

"Yes ma'am." they sighed.

"And one more thing, you have to write a letter of apology to everyone you've wronged and I'll know since Shikamaru here got the names of everyone that we know of that got prank called since he went around and asked and what you pranked them for. Feel free to debunk any, but I do expect you to be honest with what you write if you can even manage that. Now get of my office."

"Man, I can't believe he snitched on us!" said Naruto as they cleaned up trash on the children's playground. They were both wearing orange jumpsuits and armed with grabbers, gloves, and trash bags while being closely watched by an elderly ninja reading a book and occasionally looking up.

"I guess we did kind of deserve it." said Sakura as she stabbed a piece of paper on the ground with her stick. "Still I wish we had stopped while we were ahead."

"It was pretty fun though."

"Yeah." Just then she felt an empty can hit the back of her head. She whirled around to find the culprit and saw Ino grinning. "Nice outfit, forehead!"

"Ino, you back the hell up or..." Sakura said about to throw the can at Ino's face.

"Hey! Back to work, Pinky!" said the old man. "And the only place you'd better be throwing that is in the trash can!"

Sakura grumbled while shoving the can into the trash bag while Ino laughed at her. Sakura got the last laugh though. "At least I didn't get shit dumped on me!"

Ino stopped laughing and shook her fist at her. "You piece of...! Oh forget you! That's why I'm going on a date with Sasuke-kun and you're not!"

Sakura didn't believe this lie. She refused to! "You're lying!

"Maybe. Maybe not." Ino smirked. "I guess by the time you find out, it'll be too late to say for sure. Bye! Have fun cleaning!"

She laughed evilly as she walked away. Sakura was furious wanting revenge, but knew going after Shikamaru wasn't an option. He was too smart for his own damn good and being the born in a famous clan had its perks. Same for stupid Miss Piggy Ino too. Going after Tsunade was beyond idiocy so all she could do was be mad at herself. One day though. One day she'd have her revenge. At least she didn't have to suffer alone though. Naruto did his best to cheer up her up by reminiscing over their misadventures together and it worked. Even if Naruto was a bit of an idiot, he did make her feel better even in the situation they were in. Thinking this over a bit, perhaps the two of them could do something different to keep themselves out of trouble. Besides, she was going to need something to keep her mind off of the people they'd both pissed over the period they had been the prank calling team which reminded her...

"Naruto?" she said interrupting Naruto talking about how they had messed with Sai.

"Yeah, Sakura-chan?"

"I just remembered. We have to write a letter to Anko **and** Ibiki."

"Shit."

* * *

*I know her parents aren't shown, but whatever. They exist here even for a little bit.

Thanks for reading and sticking around for so long. Sorry if this chapter wasn't as funny, but I couldn't really think of anymore pranks calls for Naruto and Sakura to do. However the sequel for the story contains a lot that I have written down. Hopefully I should have a chapter or two out. An epilogue with the pairings will be up. If you see a pairing you hate and don't want to read more of (well a little of since the story is focused on the kids more than the adults), I advise not reading it if you don't want to even see or hear a mention of it being there. Also woohoo! Another story completed! Yay for me since that has only happened so few times for me. :D See ya next time!


	20. Epilogue

Naruto x Sakura= Boruto, Sarada, and Saki

Lee x Hinata= Metal Lee, Himawari

(DIVORCED) Sai x Ino= Inojin

Sasuke x Tenten= Fugaku

Choji x Shikamaru= Chocho and Shikadai (surrogate mothers Temari and Karui)

Lee married Hinata and had another child named Himawari years later, After getting a confession from Naruto and Sakura, Choji and Shikamaru rekindled their friendship and slowly, but surely Choji started falling for his best friend. Eventually they did enter a romantic relationship and got married. Choji suggested finding surrogate mothers to have their children. Choji had a friend of his, Karui, mother his child, Chocho, and Shikamaru begrudgingly asked Temari after some pushing from Choji and Shikamaru said how troublesome it was. Temari was disappointed in Shikamaru not asking her out, but went along with it. They had a son Shikadai.

Sakura attempted to talk to Sasuke about his date with Ino-Pig, but he had escaped the compound where he was housed and went off to destroy Itachi. He eventually stumbled upon Kisame who had left the Akatsuki for unknown reasons. Kisame ended up tagging along with him somehow and embarking on a journey with him to find Itachi since said ninja was out for shark blood and if he was gonna have to fight the Uchiha, he may as well have an ally to take him down. Sasuke and Kisame became close friends due to Kisame's respect of his space which he always got very little of it Konoha. After finding that Itachi had already died before he got to him, he was pissed for a while before he decided to return to Konoha to confess to the girl of his dreams: Tenten. He had always appreciated her lack of crowding and obsession over him, her being able to actual care for herself and not depend on anyone to save her, her natural talent with weapons, and her beautiful smile. That and he was a sucker for brunettes. Tenten was shocked at Sasuke's confession, but happily accepted his offer for a date. The two got married after a year of dating and had a daughter Yumi and a son named Fugaku

Sakura saved herself for Sasuke, but Sasuke didn't return her affections much to the ninja's dismay and was heartbroken to find him with Tenten. Well at least it wasn't Ino. Anyways, she was angry she had spent all these years yearning after a man who didn't have a single romantic feeling towards her not in the beginning till now. Sakura eventually realized that all this time, she already had someone who loved everything about her and even the things she hated the most. Someone who had stuck by her and his love never wavered for her. Someone she could be herself around and let loose. She gave Naruto a chance and she didn't regret it. When she did feel regret, it was thinking back to her childhood when Naruto clearly liked her, but she beat and shut him down because of her full concentration on being in love with Sasuke all the concentration she should have been putting into training. They got married and had three children, Boruto and Sarada and a newborn baby Saki.

Ino married Sai mainly because he was a replacement Sasuke and he lied and called her beautiful once. They had a son Inojin. The couple divorced quickly dur to Sai's terrifying out bursts. Gai and Neji lived together after the war with suggestive rumors surrounding the two.

If any of these bother you, you probably shouldn't read the sequel.


End file.
